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Newest Member: MinaH (44939)

Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: this is probably my last post
20WrongsVs1
♀ Member
Member # 39000
Default  Posted: 7:27 AM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Alyssa, glad you're back.

I would rather just forget him and move on.

Gently, hon, that didn't work the first time. You want to prove you're done with AP? Ask your BH to out the AP to his wife.

If your H were cheating on you, wouldn't you want to know? Doesn't she deserve to know she's married to a lying cheater? You don't seriously think he'll be faithful to her just because you're finally dumping him, do you?

You know what the BWs here say about us; we're predators unworthy even of personal pronouns. Rise above that and do the right thing by the OBS. Their M is a sham; don't let her keep living like that.


fWW: 42
BH: 52
DDay: April 21, 2013
Sweet DS & fierce DD, under 10
"Between stimulus and response there’s a space, in that space lies our power to choose our response, in our response lies our growth and our freedom." V. Frankl

Posts: 1179 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Redneck land
JustDesserts
♂ Member
Member # 39665
Default  Posted: 7:57 AM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am reluctant to do that though cuz I think it will make everything worse for everyone.

Alyssa: What I am reading between the lines here is you protecting your AP, and protecting yourself from what "unhealthy you" doesn't want - your AP becoming your xAP.

I think you know, deep down, that your "healthy you" should be thinking about YOUR betrayed spouse, your AP'S betrayed spouse, and most importantly...YOU.

Sometimes in life we are confronted with doing the right thing for the right reasons...no matter the personal cost. This is an opportunity, right her and right now, for you to do just that. And by doing so, you will be giving yourself a big push in the right direction.

What is your gut telling you? I'm having trouble believing it is what you wrote above.

Isn't it time for you to start to heal you?

JD

[This message edited by JustDesserts at 7:59 AM, August 29th (Thursday)]


2 year EA/PA. DDay 3/12. Broke NC 6/13 w/one stupid 5 line e-mail (which brought me to SI). Me: WH, 50. Her: BW, 49. Married 19 years. Two kids. Dog. Reconciling...together.

Posts: 403 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Suburbia, New England, USA
Alyssamd24
♀ Member
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My gut is telling me that she needs to know. But I am afraid that it will make things worse. ..I dont want to burn bridges with my boss....if I tell then she is obviously going to fire me and I won't be able to leave on good terms. I am afraid that AP is going to deny it all and I have no proof, only my side of the story


"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 836 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
floridaredman
♂ Member
Member # 15122
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Really think about what you are contemplating here.


The simplest thing can be the hardest thing to do....FRM

Posts: 2495 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Florida
Mrs Panda
♀ Member
Member # 27303
Default  Posted: 9:02 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow you are a good liar. Had me fooled.

Isn't is sad that you have invested so much energy into this OM who only used you for sex and to pad his ego. He doesn't lurve you.

Last post? A real cop out. If you actually want to get better stick around.

I see now why you haven't tried harder to move home. Still livin in la la land.

Quit the damn job. Now.
You are looking for a good reference from a boss you betrayed and lied to. Facebook chatting instead of doing your job. Cheating with a client whose baby you are supposed to watch. Let me tell you, I AM THE BOSS and nothing is more infuriating than Facebook chatting on work time. There is no way you were doing a good job watching those babies when you were distracted by your Facebook and your AP.

You should quit because you were a bad employee and to seek a false recommendation is dishonest.


Me-41 FWW Him-45BH
M 13years. Reconciled.
DDay#1 Nov 2008 (OM2)
DDay#2 Aug 2009 (Confessed to OM 2001)
"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand." -Kurt Vonnegut

Posts: 1975 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: The SouthEast
SI Staff
Moderator
Member # 10
Red  Posted: 10:05 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mrs Panda -

If you can't post without belitting someone, stay off the thread.


Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
wincings_sparkle
♀ Member
Member # 27129
Default  Posted: 10:19 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Alyssa,
You have lied to your husband, your boss, your co-workers and have basically been false with everyone in your life for a very long time.

It is time to get honest with yourself. It is time to stop the lies to yourself. You are not doing yourself any favors by staying where you are. Quit your job. Find another one. Get out now.

Before it blows up into something litigious. Yes, you could be sued.

Go back to school, get the credits you need. Get a your head on straight away from your AP and the AP environment. Don't make any lame excuses.

God just gave you a road map for getting out. Run.

Let your BH send the OBW a disclosure letter and no contact and then both of you go NC.

No more Bull shit.

It's time to put this behind you.


"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free."
- Catherine Ponder
Me-FWW. BH-wincing_at_light

Posts: 1594 | Registered: Jan 2010
Alyssamd24
♀ Member
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 4:28 AM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I realize that I have been a very bad employee and know that I deserve to be fired. I acted very unprofessional and inappropriately. I kick myself for that daily.

I'm not trying to just get a good reference from my boss...I want to tell her because I feel bad for lying to her along with everyone else, and I know I need to step up and be honest. It's just hard cuz I don't want to be remembered as "the slurry teacher stupid enough


"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 836 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
Alyssamd24
♀ Member
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 4:37 AM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wincing sparkle,

I know you are right. I am still looking for a new job...the situation with my college turned out ok...I spoke to the registrars office and they are going to fix it, so I once again really do have a BS in psychology. I will hear back about one job today and received a call yesterday from another place I sent my resume to...after I spoke to my college.
Once I have a new job lined up I am going to quit this one,tell my boss the truth, and confess to XAP BW. I am not going to have my BH do it. I am going to do it myself


"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 836 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:45 AM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Alyssa,

I think your focus is sometimes in the wrong place. I agree that the BS has a right to know, but have you discussed this with your BH? Does he want you to tell her? If he wants her to know, is he comfortable with you telling her? Have you discussed this with him?

Is your job the primary income? If not, I think you need to leave it, even if you don't have something else lined up. That could take months. Even if you get two part-time jobs with crappy pay to make up for the income loss, it would be worth it. What could you give up to spend less so you can leave this job? In this case, IMO, the money is just not worth it.

Talk to your BH about it, stop focusing so much on the job, the OM, the OM's BW, and get to the real work...YOU and your marriage. I feel like you focus on the other stuff to avoid looking where you need to be looking---inside you---because the real work is too scary (been there!).


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37579 | Registered: Sep 2007
Alyssamd24
♀ Member
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Authentic,
I agree it would be best to do it all now before I have another job lined up but my BH wants me to wait. His income is the primary but he is also transitioning to a new field and we are unsure when he will start and end his training and begin his new career.
We have discussed it and he wants me to be the one to tell her because he said it will help him regain his trust in me. He also thinks I should tell my boss, but like I said wants me to wait til I find something else. I would prefer to tell her now especially because she is going to be leaving maternity leave any day now.

I know I need to focus on myself more than all this other stuff but I feel like I need to deal with this first.


"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 836 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 31
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