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User Topic: question
BrowneyesTurnBlu
♀ Member
Member # 25218
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our wedding anniversary is on Saturday. My WH made reservations at this beautiful restaurant. When he told me what restaurant, I got upset because he had sent the OW a link to this restaurant and when I questioned him about it after dday he told me that he was thinking about inviting her there. They never went out anywhere just met at the office twice and her place three times. I am really torn about wanting to go there and not wanting to because he thought, even though he didn't, take her there.

Any thoughts?


Me (BW) 42
Him (WH)46
DDay #1 - 9/9/06 - internet and met 4 times - no sex but kissing and touching
DDay #2 - 7/24/09 - chatted online with a couple of girls for about 1-2 weeks
DDay #3 - 7/26/13 - found out he was sexting and met up with someone

Posts: 53 | Registered: Aug 2009
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 6:02 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I personally wouldn't want to go there but that's just me. If the restaurant and the thought of her connected, I just wouldn't want to go there.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5047 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't want to go, either.

I would want a fresh start, something memory-free for everybody.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2229 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Phoenix9572
♀ Member
Member # 39987
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Heck there are 2 cities I never want to go to because thats where WH had his ONS. So I don't blame you for not wanting to go to that restaurant.
On the flip side, I'm not sure where you are in the process of R but if you feel like things are in a good place you could go there and claim it as your own. Remove OW from the picture with your own good memory.
I really like the idea of eventually taking back some of the places that have been tainted and not letting the place or OW have power over me any more.


Me - 40
WH - 42
Married 18 years
kids - 14, 12
DD - May 13, 2013
DD2 - Aug 4, 2013
DD3 - Aug 27, 2013
Status - Legally separated; really wanted R but don't think that is possible anymore

Posts: 103 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Southern Indiana
RockyMtn
♀ Member
Member # 37043
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't go.

But lots of people reclaim places or things that were involved in the affair. So, if you really want this restaurant to be "yours" - then take it.

Just know that the first time there might be triggery as all hell. Usually, reclaiming takes some time. Be sure you're ready for that on your anni.


Me, BS, 30s
Him, WS, 30s, Steppenwolf
Kids: Yep
D-Day 1: September 2011, 6 week EA
D-Day 2: January 2013, discovered EA was a PA; there was another PA in 2010. All TT.
Goal = serenity.

Posts: 667 | Registered: Oct 2012
BrowneyesTurnBlu
♀ Member
Member # 25218
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for your replies. My WH and I have been to this restaurant a few times already. He did not take her there at all. He didn't even ask her. It is just the thought that he was going to...I don't even think the A would have lasted that long but who knows. My WH has cancelled the reservations because he knew that it upset me. Maybe down the road I will be able to go back there because it truly is a great restaurant.


Me (BW) 42
Him (WH)46
DDay #1 - 9/9/06 - internet and met 4 times - no sex but kissing and touching
DDay #2 - 7/24/09 - chatted online with a couple of girls for about 1-2 weeks
DDay #3 - 7/26/13 - found out he was sexting and met up with someone

Posts: 53 | Registered: Aug 2009
ladies_first
♀ Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 7:17 AM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

it truly is a great restaurant.

The restaurant didn't commit adultery with your WH.

Treat it like any other decision to dine out:
*How is the food?
*Can you afford to dine there?
*How is the service?

Don't make your world smaller just because OW is alive on the planet.

[This message edited by ladies_first at 7:17 AM, August 30th (Friday)]


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
Topic Posts: 7

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