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User Topic: tmi sex
huRtZ413
♀ Member
Member # 39214
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i need it , i've always needed it yet i dont want to have sex with my WH im so angry and hurt by him. but i need to be held and made love to , what a freakin way to be. im only guess is just built up frustration but i dont think i can go through with it with him



me_BW
him_WH


I'M ON THE FENCE



Posts: 278 | Registered: May 2013
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Go for a run instead.

Do pushups. (alone!) Climb a mountain.

Anything other than the path of self destruction. You don't "need" sex. You are full of adrenaline and likely need a physical outlet. Find a healthy one.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6449 | Registered: Jan 2011
Lostinthismess
♀ Member
Member # 39210
Default  Posted: 6:53 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you just want the release, then that's obviously something you can take care of yourself. Be good with being with yourself. Find out who you are again and where your WH fits into that formula. No need to rush anything just to get a sexual fix.


Dday- 4/4/13
fwh- harrypotter
'You just keep living, until you are alive again'
'I don't want perfect, I want honest'

Posts: 330 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Ca
mixedintherut
♀ Member
Member # 40330
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I 100% understand where you are coming from!


DD 1: PA 12/4/09 He spent 2.5 years with OW1
R: 8/31/2012
DD 2: EA 8/16/13
BS: 26
WH: 25
1 young daughter.
Terribly disgusted. He refuses to give up his "friend". Headed towards D.

Posts: 136 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: kentucky
Phoenix9572
♀ Member
Member # 39987
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can completely relate!
I just threw my WH out of our house yesterday and believe I'm on the path for D. Earlier I was reading all the stuff the lawyer gave me and was so overwhelmed. All I wanted was for him to hold me and comfort me and yes, make love to me. It's a sad twisted mess when you desire the one who has hurt you so much. It's gonna be difficult challenging that need into something positive and constructive and not give in to temptation.


Me - 40
WH - 42
Married 18 years
kids - 14, 12
DD - May 13, 2013
DD2 - Aug 4, 2013
DD3 - Aug 27, 2013
Status - Legally separated; really wanted R but don't think that is possible anymore

Posts: 103 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Southern Indiana
Phoenix9572
♀ Member
Member # 39987
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can completely relate!
I just threw my WH out of our house yesterday and believe I'm on the path for D. Earlier I was reading all the stuff the lawyer gave me and was so overwhelmed. All I wanted was for him to hold me and comfort me and yes, make love to me. It's a sad twisted mess when you desire the one who has hurt you so much. It's gonna be difficult challenging that need into something positive and constructive and not give in to temptation.


Me - 40
WH - 42
Married 18 years
kids - 14, 12
DD - May 13, 2013
DD2 - Aug 4, 2013
DD3 - Aug 27, 2013
Status - Legally separated; really wanted R but don't think that is possible anymore

Posts: 103 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Southern Indiana
Bloomsday
♂ Member
Member # 40275
Default  Posted: 9:16 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am good friends with a recently separated woman in the same predicament. She actually asked to use my shower (detachable shower nozzle) because she was literally losing her mind. I instantly agreed and also bought her a very nice classy vibrator (Google Lelo Liv vibrators). She was incredibly grateful as she was scared to order one for herself. I also provided her rides on a Hitachi Magic Wand. That was almost too much (ladies can attest) but the multiple O's helped settle her down.

Now you should see the products that Amazon.com says I might also be interested in. Whoa, Nelly!


Posts: 55 | Registered: Aug 2013
Hearthache again
♀ Member
Member # 28564
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good advice and been there before. B.O.B.(battery operated boyfriend) was a great help during my rough times. Amazon is a great place to find him.


Me-BS(32)
Him-WS(35)
Married-12 years together 13
Kids 4: 15, 12, 8, and 3
DDay#1 9-26-2008 Dday#2 4-26-2010
We have R!!! But I still hate the number 26!

This too shall pass
I edit a lot because that stupid box is so small!


Posts: 871 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Michigan
RightTrack
♀ Member
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have had a different experience than the others. Is your WH remorseful? Are you thinking of R? I felt the same way as you and it was long before I wanted to R that I realized I needed it and I wasn't going to go walk the streets, etc. The first time after Dday I had sex with him I felt a little like I was being untrue to myself but I also remember thinking, "I am horny and I am still married so he OWES ME this."

If you feel this way, be selfish! Take it, it is supposed to be yours anyway! I would have felt terrible had I trolled in a bar or called up an ex. I'm not much into vibrators, etc./wouldn't have worked for me.

I still haven't forgiven my WH for everything he did. He was truly terrible when I really needed him around BUT the added oxytocin from HB is seeping into my brain. Maybe next year or the year after I'll consider forgiving him. Until then at least I'm not denying myself anything.


Posts: 621 | Registered: Sep 2012
StrongerOne
♀ Member
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hitachi magic wand.


DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 863 | Registered: Sep 2012
shatteredheart7
♀ Member
Member # 39734
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am starting to think I am the only one that reacted this way, but...

The day he confessed to me, as soon as I calmed down, I wanted sex with him. I told him that I needed him to satisfy me, I needed to "reclaim" what was mine. At that point we had been going at it pretty much all the time for a few months so STD's were the farthest thing from my mind, I mean if he had gotten something from her it was kind of to late to prevent me from getting it at that point. We did eventually get tested and all was fine. For the first few months after DDay I refused to do anything he wanted me to do to satisfy him... I made it ALL about me and MY needs. Honestly, it was the best thing for us. He learned more about what I liked while showing me that he was willing to do what ever I needed while expecting nothing in return.


Me~40
FWH~46
Married 8yrs
Together 11 1/2
Me~ 3 kids, 21,17,14
Him~no kids
A with a mutual "friend" for 2+yrs
He confessed 9/9/12
A was over 2/12
7/13~ Happier than we have been in yrs!

Posts: 240 | Registered: Jul 2013
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you feel this way, be selfish! Take it, it is supposed to be yours anyway! I would have felt terrible had I trolled in a bar or called up an ex.

I have done this with my wife. Just held my breath and asked for sex. Took it for a release and just a physical act. If I think about it too much, I feel weak asking for it and stupid for wanting her. After we do it, sometimes we get closer, other times I feel like I failed myself. Adultery is one horrible thing.

The day he confessed to me, as soon as I calmed down, I wanted sex with him. I told him that I needed him to satisfy me, I needed to "reclaim" what was mine. At that point we had been going at it pretty much all the time for a few months

The hyper bonding period is amazing. HOT sex!! We broke all past records and I actually surprised myself at different levels. However, for us the HB is over. Reality has really set in. I want to have hot steamy loving sex, but then I opt for just falling asleep. :(

[This message edited by 2married2quit at 10:01 AM, August 29th (Thursday)]


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1335 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
Painfuljourney
♀ Member
Member # 40208
Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I always needed it and wanted it. WH rejected me for porn, also had PA. When I told him how much sex I needed he felt stupid. About a week after DD we started having tons of sex and never looked back. I read that this is normal. It's part of our reconciliation. His PA was 4 years ago, so I think that is also a factor, no way if he was just screwing someone else could I have gone there.

Anyway, it's been part of our healing process. I personally couldn't get through this with him without it.


BS (me) - 44
WH - 46
DD - July 1, 2013
2 daughters, 14 and 10

Posts: 102 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wanting sex shortly after dday is often referred to as "hysterical bonding" and it is not at all uncommon.

I believe, however, that the OP just found out her spouse has been lying to her for months about who his AP was, and asked him to leave their home. Therefore, sex would be a bad idea if she is trying to 180 and find the strength to move on.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6449 | Registered: Jan 2011
velvethammer
♀ Member
Member # 40437
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

adamandeve.com - put "savage" in the coupon code box and you'll get 50% off an item

Posts: 110 | Registered: Aug 2013
ladies_first
♀ Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you moved out and separated this week, your goal is to DETACH from him.

In my experience, sex is an attachment bond -- so sex with him would not be a wise idea at this time!


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
Topic Posts: 16

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