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User Topic: Breaking event. Phone in your response now.
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I was friends with a group of people in Crazz's town before I met him. Most of them went to HS together. When Crazz and I started dating they had a mixed response - mostly because they ran in different crowds. (Crazz was a jock & Muscle Car guy. Do the math to figure out who the "Jets" of this situation were.)

One of the guys was a little too put off that I started dating Crazz and was an asshole to him when we would all go out together so I confronted him, he pretended like he wasn't doing anything, and I said we shouldn't be friends anymore. Years later, afte rCrazz and I married he apologized and raised the white flag and I thought we were all friends again. Then Dday hit and a couple pics of me made it onto FB without my wedding ring and he smelled blood in the water and tried to be a "shoulder" for me. I had none of it, told Crazz everything, and we moved away.

There have been a couple texts over the last two years. Mostly polite hellos. Crazz has been alerted every time. He's actually the one who insists that it would be overreacting to tell this other guy to go to hell, but I am never sure.

Well, FF to today.

Crazz is at a friend's house working on his scooter. I can't get a hold of him.

I just got a text from this guy saying, "I think you should know about your husband's past."

Cue pounding heart and nausea. I texted back "oh?" and immediatley called Crazz and left him a message.

Now crickets from other guy.

I know he was jealous and that's not a good motivator to tell someone else about their SO, but this guy had such venom for me dating Crazz that I always wondered in the back of my head if other guy knew something I didn't.


Sitting here spazzing out. About to give DD3 her dinner.


I will NOT engage further until I have talked to Crazz, but what the ACTUAL FUCK is going on here? I know I should just NC, but part of me wonders if a new revelation is about to strike?


Ugh. Mayday. Advice?


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16265 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Whalers11
♀ Member
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like this "friend" has/had a thing for you. Could just be trying to stir up trouble due to jealousy.


Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2171 | Registered: Feb 2010
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 8:40 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The only advice I can offer is to breathe. I'm sorry this is happening to you. How awful.

Posts: 1550 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Arizona
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crazz called back just now. I'm trying to breathe.

We are handling this together. It's a pic form a HS sophomore trip to France they were both on. Meant to be "funny" but also a much much longer story. Crazz and I are going to talk tonight and I'll have something to share later.


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16265 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let Vrazz respond to all future text from this guy.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 51420 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Personally, if it was me, I would hear this guy out. My reasoning would be 1) So I could call bullsh** and tell the guy to take a flying leap. 2) So I could make a informed decision about my future should what he's saying is true.

I guess I see it as a BS telling the OBS of an affair. So they can have the knowledge and not be left in the dark. kwim?

I hope this helps.

(((HUGS)))


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5816 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
krazy8516
♀ Member
Member # 40076
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yikes. It does sound like this "friend" is throwing out some bait to see if he catches anything.

Even though Crazz may think that NC with this guy would be "overreacting" I think it's time. Crickets until you hear back from your H. And then maybe some more crickets. Forever.

I hope the loser doesn't have anything legit. Sorry it's got you spazzing.

Keep us updated!

::hugs::


me: BW, 30
him: WH, 25
us: edging closer to R every day

married 2y, together 2.5y
1 beautiful daughter, 23m

"Someday soon, I'm going to put my life together; Win or lose, I'm starting over again."


Posts: 368 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Texas
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 8:55 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let Vrazz respond to all future text from this guy

Right?

The thing is, she's getting so adept at my phone that she might be able to hold a conversation, although he might be confused as to what s'mores and Cinderella have to do with anything.


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16265 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Bloomsday
♂ Member
Member # 40275
Default  Posted: 9:02 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your man needs to draw some lines in the concrete. Fuck the juvenile shit. If anyone ever tries to stir shit with the woman in his life, they will come out very much the worse for it.

This is not senseless male bravado. This is keeping the peace so everyone can enjoy their time together.


Posts: 55 | Registered: Aug 2013
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I used to think that it was great that he never ever got jealous of a guy approaching me. I would do the rebuff, of course, but I thought he was so CONFIDENT.

Years later I see this is obviously more about avoiding conflict than anything, and I'm going to have to be the one to draw the line.


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16265 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Kierst13
♀ Member
Member # 39197
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Personally, if it was me, I would hear this guy out. My reasoning would be 1) So I could call bullsh** and tell the guy to take a flying leap. 2) So I could make a informed decision about my future should what he's saying is true.

I guess I see it as a BS telling the OBS of an affair. So they can have the knowledge and not be left in the dark. kwim?

I tend to agree with this. I hope it is nothing or it's something you and Crazz can work together to get past quickly.


Story in my profile
He lied, I gave the gift of R
He became the model remorseful WS...all while lying and seeing her
Am I done? Yes I am!

Posts: 347 | Registered: May 2013
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My concern about this is why now? Why is he baiting this apparently dire revelation now? What prompted it?


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3644 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone for chiming in. I talked to Crazz and we agree that he is at least just trying to "be funny" or at worst trying to stir things up. We have kept things cordial with him because we belong to a bigger group of friends, but it seems it's time to distance ourselves from the grooup entirely to cut out the toxicity.

Crazz and I are going to draft an NC letter tonight.


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16265 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Brandon - It seems to be a pattern with him. "Every 2 years" or something... I think it just took me 6 years to see it.


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16265 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Then if he's established this pattern I would say shut him down.

He's had years to share with you whatever he allegedly knows about Crazz. It seems more like he's escalating to provoke a greater level of response from you.

Also, the fact that he's been maintaining this pattern for 6 years now is a little troubling.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3644 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I am summarizing a lot. Long story short the gate needs to be shut for good here, and we are doing it together.


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16265 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
OnAnIsland
♀ Member
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you two. And may i say that you are modeling excellent behavior for all. Thinking of you. Working together is good M building.


D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou


Posts: 1477 | Registered: Dec 2011
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like it is time to close the door! I am glad you are doing it together.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6278 | Registered: Jan 2011
krazy8516
♀ Member
Member # 40076
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Long story short the gate needs to be shut for good here, and we are doing it together.

Awesome!


me: BW, 30
him: WH, 25
us: edging closer to R every day

married 2y, together 2.5y
1 beautiful daughter, 23m

"Someday soon, I'm going to put my life together; Win or lose, I'm starting over again."


Posts: 368 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Texas
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love it when a plan is forged with honesty, communication, and respect. I admire the way you and Crazz work together.

If I were in Crazz's place, I think I would have the same reaction. This guy is contacting you-you are the one who should shut him down. With Crazz's blessing and back up IF this guy decides to go to Crazz and complain that you are being rude for not returning his texts.

Am I missing something? Being a left behind spouse I wonder if I am.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4818 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Topic Posts: 20

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