In a situation like mine (y'all know what my situation is by now), do you think *I* should know who my STBX has around the kids? Like, roommates & transitory roommates? Or someone who frequently goes out with STBX and the kids for the entire parenting time, bringing his own kid(s) alone because it's his weekend too. Would you think that I should know who that man is?
Other than that, it's all on him to make sure the people in contact with the kid(s) are "normal"-- whatever the hell that means in the land of denial and douchery where my ex lives.
One more bite of the shit sandwich these stellar examples of humanity have served up on a silver platter.
You, NG, have your own category of wrong happening with your WS. He is beyond scary and you probably should know these things for the safety of your children. I'm sorry.
The only thing that I could do is make sure that they had a stable home on my end. That when they came home, they didn't have to worry about some strange guy walking around or random people hanging around at all hours of the day/night.
I listened (without being obvious)to what the kids said to one another and had to trust that even if they didn't tell ME what was going on, that they talked to each other about just about everything. While I heard things I didn't like, I didn't hear anything that was actionable.
Your situation is a lot scarier though.
((( Nature_Girl )))
The Usual Suspects:
XWH (serial cheater, 12+ OW. Undiagnosed SA?)
Note: I edit often for typos/clarity.
After that, I don't trust him for anything more.
NG your STBX is a special case of hell on earth. Does he have unsupervised visitation?
I am sorry. I think you should know
I have asked L this and it's being researched, but suspected that once the D is final, there's not a whole lot I can do once DD is out of my presence.
As Amazonia says, what we can do is work hard on our end to instill values in our kids and teach them how they may stay safe when they are with their other parent. I still am up at night and have a terrible time being anxious until DD is back again, when she goes with her father.
The lack of boundaries comes through sometimes, together with other things like disrespect and so on and it's sad that we can't trust another adult with our children.
One thing I was thinking lately for DD is to find a kid's first aid course or something like it. I also always make sure she has my phone numbers and a relative's phone numbers on my side that I still trust. She said it helped her feel a little secure when she was with him to know she could reach me.
Yes, esp. in your case, Nature Girl, it seems that you should be able to know who your kids are with. I hope that will come to pass.
The times, they are'a changin'! -Bob Dylan
I wish you could keep your kids safe from that fool and his shitty life. ((((NG))))
It's ironic that you posted this because I was thinking about this yesterday. As much as I hate Hello Kitty, she appears to be harmless to the safety of my children. I'm not too worried about her hurting them physically. I know that STBX wouldn't either.
It did cross my mind though, that if Hello Kitty and him break up (which I think is certain to happen at some point), I fear that he would immediately find some new whore or move in some random guy roommate. I don't think he could afford to live on his own at this point. I find that a lot scarier than Hello Kitty. So, in some ways I do hope she sticks around. I can't believe I just said that either!