What I really want to know is if he didn't fancy or want her why did he do it? I can understand the round the clock texting and flirting at work. It was a tough time for us and while it hurts like hell I can see how he could let the attention become a distraction.
What I don't get is how after the kiss he decided he wanted to stop and he realised he still loved me why didn't he say no to her in the car. He said he hated it but he didn't have to do it.
Why did he sing her praises and knock me down when I got suspicious? Why did he lie for so long and tt me?
Could it really have been as he tells it. Surely no man has sex unless he wants it and certainly not to stop her telling me they kissed!
Why did they kiss in the first place if he wasn't attracted to her and didn't want her? He said cos his feelings for her and for me were confused, he didn't know what he wanted. Then in the next breath he tells me he only wanted me and only ever me.
The big thing with H is he will admit to something, find it too unpalatable then he back tracks. He said no one had ever made him feel that way except me 18 years ago, then he says he didn't mean it. He says he was attracted to her then denies ever fancying her.
It's all so confusing. And why push me away if it was me he wanted?
It's all those questions but mainly my feeling that things in the car could not have gone the way he said surely!!?? To have sex with someone you don't want or fancy just so she won't tell me they kissed??? Could they really have not touched apart from him masturbating her and then entering her? It does not seem possible. He says he did it on autopilot. I don't get that. You don't decide to cheat just to please the other person surely? Why could he never say no to her? Why let her get so close she destroyed our relationship if he didn't want her?
I 'think' I know most of the facts but the why's don't tie together and keep changing.
Nothing seems to tie together.