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User Topic: How to get the truth?? long sorry
♀ Member
Member # 39759
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What I really want to know is if he didn't fancy or want her why did he do it? I can understand the round the clock texting and flirting at work. It was a tough time for us and while it hurts like hell I can see how he could let the attention become a distraction.

What I don't get is how after the kiss he decided he wanted to stop and he realised he still loved me why didn't he say no to her in the car. He said he hated it but he didn't have to do it.

Why did he sing her praises and knock me down when I got suspicious? Why did he lie for so long and tt me?

Could it really have been as he tells it. Surely no man has sex unless he wants it and certainly not to stop her telling me they kissed!

Why did they kiss in the first place if he wasn't attracted to her and didn't want her? He said cos his feelings for her and for me were confused, he didn't know what he wanted. Then in the next breath he tells me he only wanted me and only ever me.

The big thing with H is he will admit to something, find it too unpalatable then he back tracks. He said no one had ever made him feel that way except me 18 years ago, then he says he didn't mean it. He says he was attracted to her then denies ever fancying her.

It's all so confusing. And why push me away if it was me he wanted?

It's all those questions but mainly my feeling that things in the car could not have gone the way he said surely!!?? To have sex with someone you don't want or fancy just so she won't tell me they kissed??? Could they really have not touched apart from him masturbating her and then entering her? It does not seem possible. He says he did it on autopilot. I don't get that. You don't decide to cheat just to please the other person surely? Why could he never say no to her? Why let her get so close she destroyed our relationship if he didn't want her?

I 'think' I know most of the facts but the why's don't tie together and keep changing.

Nothing seems to tie together.

Together 19yrs
me BS 36
him WS 41 (silent lucidity)
ea 1 facebook flirting with an ex 2011
ea/pa - co worker 6wks feb to apr2013 pa for 1 wk with sex one time
too much tt to count = latest tt 30/7/14

Posts: 804 | Registered: Jul 2013
♀ Member
Member # 38511
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is just my opinion Olwen, but when he told you about the masturbation, the kissing and finally the sex, he told you he didn't want to do it for your sake (if that is even how it went down). It doesn't seem like they are even TTs. It seems like he is saying things to satisfy your questions and then can't remember his lies later. As with any lie we tell, we can't remember exactly how we told it.

Me, 42 BS
H, 61 WH
2 boys 19 and 15 years old
Married 24 years

Posts: 314 | Registered: Feb 2013
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What I really want to know is if he didn't fancy or want her why did he do it?

I believe he did fancy her and did want to do that time. Of course, in hindsight, it's easy to say he didn't feel that way or didn't want it. It's like us having pieces of pie when we know we shouldn't. At the moment we have that pie it's the best tasting thing ever. Later on, after we've gained a few pounds from it we start to think that pie wasn't worth really wasn't THAT good....why did I have another slice, etc....

[This message edited by lieshurt at 2:44 PM, August 29th (Thursday)]

Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.

Posts: 13807 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
♀ Member
Member # 26854
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trust your gut. Your gut will know when it doesn't seem right but it will also know when you have the truth. It took me a long time to finally listen to my gut and be pretty sure I had the truth.

DDay - 11/4/09
BS-49 DDay
fWS-46 DDay
EA/PA with childhood sweetheart/ kissed
R - 11/25/09
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Posts: 1461 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Northeast
Topic Posts: 24
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