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User Topic: Healing Me
foundoutlater
♂ Member
Member # 32900
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Healing me from this trauma seems so obtuse sometimes. If I have a wound, I clean it, dress it, keep it clean and dry and let my body heal itself (believe me the time factor is not lost on me). There are very specific steps to fix things. I think the same can be said for most wounds. In trying to heal from this trauma though I feel like I am spinning oh so slowly up.

Iíve been through IC to explore my issues (infidelity and my response/grief, FOOÖ) and feel like Iíve explored enough to understand myself better. I also have come to understand that figuring this all out is a journey and for most issues it rarely is a destination. What Iím having trouble with is what do I do with it all? I see here and other places about healing me. I have done a lot of work understanding things and understanding me and I continue to work on it. I know that the dreaded time is part of the equation. I canít help but feel like I am missing something though. Are there concrete things you did to work on healing yourself?


Your beliefs donít make you a better person, your behavior does.

Posts: 1063 | Registered: Jul 2011
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honey I so understand!
I said to hubby last night- ive raised 4 kids born within three years while working full time. I've run 3 marathons, numerous triathlons, two MAs...forgiven my parents, myself, but I can't seem to do this? Accept what he did and forgive him. It's not for lack of thinking, studying, working. It just IS. And I feel so inept...
With time, you'll get there I think,,


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me: 47
him: 51
4 kiddos in lower 20's

ďGrief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you.Ē


Posts: 3673 | Registered: Dec 2010
Dallas2
♀ Member
Member # 28362
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just read your profile. I also found out years later. The trauma of the A is almost a seperate issue to me. I am having a hard time with knowing he lied for years. It sort of screws with your head. I think back and there are good memories but now they seem fake.

I also went to IC and am heading back again. I am finding myself questioning things again. I know going through it all again opens the wounds. I feel I missed something in the early stages after he confessed to his A. I am hoping that this time I heal better. I am not sure what but like you- it must be something. I feel this is a wound that will never heal completely.

IC helped me the most I am going back. I believe as a BS I will need a little extra work. Self confidence and self worth took such a big hit so I am working on thses issues too.



Me

Posts: 799 | Registered: Apr 2010
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think the further out dday gets, the more our brains are clear and the more this stuff creeps in.

For me, the first few months I was in survival, the next few months were divorcing, keeping him away from us, the stress of no knowing how the D was gonna shape up. Finally, I can see that my mind is clear, I think about all that stuff, too.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1715 | Registered: Jan 2012
unfound
♀ Member
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sounds like you're doing pretty concrete things, and you're absolutely right, it is an ongoing thing, even when we think we've "got it".

What do you do with it all? You enjoy it. You take pride in it. You allow yourself to let the knowledge of yourself and the new healthier you be your guide. You become more self aware.

It's like building a house after it's been destroyed. When the demolition and then construction is finished, you get to live there and continue making it yours .

[This message edited by unfound at 8:28 PM, August 29th (Thursday)]


ka-mai
*******************
Hey you, would you help me to carry the stone ...

Posts: 14749 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
foundoutlater
♂ Member
Member # 32900
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Rachel - thanks Ė I do believe with time I will. BTW pretty amazing what you have done Ė congrats
Dallas2 Ė yeah the finding out years later adds another layer in some ways. I have very specific memories of arguments and lies to my face during the A. Iím now of the belief though that it is not better or worse, but just different stuff to work through. I have my doubts about ďnever heal completelyĒ but I think itís like so many have said here Ė it will be a scar like others, not necessarily a wound.
Homewrecked2011 Ė Iím glad you have a clear mind. I think Iím kind of there as well. I could not have thought like this a year ago.

Unfound Ė Thanks for the encouragement. I think I am becoming more self aware and healthier. I guess I need to take pride and enjoy it.


Your beliefs donít make you a better person, your behavior does.

Posts: 1063 | Registered: Jul 2011
foundoutlater
♂ Member
Member # 32900
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I donít think I am ďhung upĒ on the past so to speak but I donít feel like I am moving forward. I think I need to set out some goals for the future, both for me and the M. I see there is a future now with the W so I think we will talk about that.

I also think I need to work on that internal dialog and to find a way to stay focused and be present in the moment. Has anyone found any useful books on self-talk and living in the moment?


Your beliefs donít make you a better person, your behavior does.

Posts: 1063 | Registered: Jul 2011
Topic Posts: 7

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