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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: One year ago
Trusttrusttrust
♀ Member
Member # 37694
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was one year ago that I discovered the A. I thought we were in R and I was feeling better. Then, I found out the A never really ended. Here I am again. We have been married for 31 years and I am once again in limbo. He is in IC to figure out why he would risk everything again. I am just living my life. He is sleeping in the guest room and that may never change. I met with a D attorney and that did make me feel better. I do not have to make any decisions at this moment. I wonder if he realizes what this weekend is? I don't know how I can get thru this once again?


Married 31 years
D-Day Sept 3, 2012
I thought we were in R. Now I am not sure.
Second D-Day August 5' 2013
No kids

Posts: 97 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Virginia
Dallas2
♀ Member
Member # 28362
Default  Posted: 7:25 AM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((HUGS))

You are coming up on your 1st Antiversary. Each of deals with it differently. My WH didn't know the day or even month at first. He didcatch onto the fact something was wrong and kept asking. I finally told him. He said he couldn't believe I remembered. That set me off on another tangent.

Do something special for yourself. Talk to him and tell him why you are so on edge. Hopefully he can help you through this.


Me

Posts: 794 | Registered: Apr 2010
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Trusttrusttrust))

Posts: 4557 | Registered: Dec 2010
Trusttrusttrust
♀ Member
Member # 37694
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He knew what this weekend means. He is really sick with a cold, another reason why I like him in the guest room. I can't believe I am going thru this whole thing again. This time I am a lot calmer. It is a little scary when I think that maybe he has ended this 31 year marriage because of his bad decisions. I feel I have no choice in the situation.


Married 31 years
D-Day Sept 3, 2012
I thought we were in R. Now I am not sure.
Second D-Day August 5' 2013
No kids

Posts: 97 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Virginia
ladies_first
♀ Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel I have no choice in the situation.

You most definitely DO have a choice; regretfully, it's a choice between the lesser of two crappy choices.

Trusttrusttrust, you must take care of you, first and foremost, because WH's actions are no longer in your best interest.


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2113 | Registered: Jun 2009
Trusttrusttrust
♀ Member
Member # 37694
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know I have a choice, it is just not one I wish to make. Because of his bad choices, he is forcing me to D. I go back and forth between wanting to stay and wanting to go. I feel so much in limbo. I just tried to do some shopping and before I burst into tears, I came home. This is such a bad feeling. I know that I do not deserve this.


Married 31 years
D-Day Sept 3, 2012
I thought we were in R. Now I am not sure.
Second D-Day August 5' 2013
No kids

Posts: 97 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Virginia
1DumbHusband
♂ Member
Member # 40239
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trust:

I'm sorry you find yourself in another DDay around your 1 year anniversary. For me, when my beautiful BS even talks D, my heart sinks and I often find myself overwhelmed with remorse and grief. Maybe if your WH sees the D is a very real possibility, it will help serve to wake him up. Just seeing my poor crushed BS's emotions and pain these last few months has hit me like it never has before in all the times we've had problems. It's been so bad that we've both lost about 40lbs due to depression and anxiety and just generally not eating. I love my BS and can't believe I hurt her like this. For me, this has been the biggest wake up call that I needed to make serious changes (and make them permanent!!!). It doesn't seem like your WS has had that kind of revelation or "come to Jesus" moment within himself. I can't say what it will take, I just offer up a perspective from a FWH to say that it takes an internal drive to want to change. I hope (if its what you want) that he has that moment soon.


Me: FWH 34
Her: 31 and deserving much better than I've given her (CCW82)
Married 4 years, together 6 years.
D-Day: June 17th, 2013
"Don't give up. You're married until you're not. You never know what tomorrow will bring."

Posts: 121 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Dallas
PamJ
♀ Member
Member # 40475
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My DDay anniversary is the end of October, twice, actually.

He started up an EA online end of Oct 2011,that I really considered a LD PA, if that makes sense. They were having virtual sex, masturbating together while having a sexual fantasy IRT with her on her bed. They told each other they loved them. Sent naked pictures of their genitals as well as lots of smiling pictures to each other.

I saw the texts because he thought I didn't know and wouldn't see them on his phone. Well, i didn't know, but there was 2 months of text there that filled me in pretty good.
He broke it off when I caught him, we had a great year of false R because HE was still thinking of her and wanted to just "see how she was doing" so reconnected with he the following end of Oct, 2012.

So, we have been married 34 years and I feel like I am too old and deserve so much better than to be dealing with this crap and now we are almost to that time of year again.

He'd better not be so stupid as to not know how I will be feeling on Halloween this year.


Me: BS 50+
Him: WH 60

3 EAs

2 grown sons, 1 grown step-son

Last DDay, March 19, 2013 after a few weeks of TT- trying to have a new marriage after almost 35 years.
No more chances.


Posts: 56 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 8

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