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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Ok somebody tell me not to....
SeanFLA
♂ Member
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

...do a Google search on WW's AP because for some reason I've been anxious lately to find out what happened with him. Those who know my story I've had this burning desire to find out if he was court martialed, divorced, etc. I know divorce records are public filings and it wouldn't take me long to find it.

I know it's not a good thing to do especially after being divorced but for some reason I want to see if karma hit him square between the eyes. I think it stems from the fact that from what I know, no karma has hit exWW whatsoever. I know it's still pent up anger inside of me along with resentment I'm still working through. Just tell me it's not a good idea and to let it go....that nothing good would come of it.


BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1470 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't do it.

Ok, now that that's out of the way...

Imagine for a moment the possible findings if you DID do it.

What if there's nothing? What would that mean to you? How would it impact you?

What if he has gotten the full force of karma right between the eyes? What would that mean to you? What would it change for you?

(ps: Don't do it, honey. He had his footprints on your brain pan for far too long. Keep him out.)


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25693 | Registered: Aug 2011
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have this friend who always asks me " what about your life will change by you having this information ? "

Most time the information I sould look up would change nothing in my life. Her next question would be, " Then why invite the toxic infection to touch your life?"

It makes me think about my motives and my goals. The opposite of love is indifference-I'm striving for that in all aspects of dealing with my XH/NW. That includes the karma bus. Indifference is a worthy goal.

Hugs,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5256 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
nutmegkitty
♀ Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't do it, although I totally get your desire to.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2601 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Believe it in your heart that karma has hit him. Same goes for the XWW too.

Whether it is in ways you'll be able to see or not.

For me the sad clown lost me, OWUglyIndian and OWUmpteen were but two in a long line of OW. They are not special. They are as fucked up as he is. I pity them all.

I'm firmly in the DON'T DO IT camp. NC = no new hurts. You're making him very very important to you by cyber stalking him.

Rather than spend time on this I would examine why you are still feeling anything anywhere near this strong for either of them.

By that I mean I understand the curiosity, I really do. But a burning desire for karma? You have to watch that lest you get sucked into wasting years on this quest. You may never see it - doesn't mean it hasn't happened.

He is not worth it. She is not worth it. You are worth more.

Repeat until it sticks.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5608 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The problem is that you have a fixed idea of what you want the outcome to be. That says to me that if it's something else then it will only cause disappointment and frustration.

The other problem is that the idea of what you want to see, i.e. some form of karmic justice, is just what you think you'd like to see. If you do see it then it could be just as disappointing because it may not be enough (rarely is) or too much (yes, that can happen).

Unless you are absolutely certain you have no emotional investment in what the result of checking on the AP might be then don't do it. He was a destructive and unwanted part of your life (via your xWW) so there really isn't any reason to voluntarily pollute your life with any further knowledge of him now. JMHO


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3990 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 5:58 PM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Believe it in your heart that karma has hit him. Same goes for the XWW too.
Whether it is in ways you'll be able to see or not.

This is spot on.

Often our idea of karma or good fortune is skewed by tangible, visible things, but those things really say so little. He is the only one that knows his true karma. He lost his integrity and he has to live with that. He has to wake up every day and face his image in the mirror. This isn't something you can see, but be sure it isn't something you would wish for yourself.


Posts: 3441 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I was doing that, it just hurt more, like when I came across their names entwined online, it would set me back for several days of disfunction and a host of other feelings.

But, I completely understand the wish to know. Soon after DDay, I was interested to know about Fatty B, but have no care to anymore. I don't want "it" to have importance in my life, do you KWIM? I feel like if I spent time like that, it would give her some kind of importance or relevance to me...she's stolen enough and maybe so has WW's AP.

Can you do something else when the thoughts pop in your head?

And bravo for thinking it might not be a great idea.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
SeanFLA
♂ Member
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah I know it will just hurt more and prolong healing, etc. I guess sometimes you just slip backwards a bit and get resentful towards her (and him) at everything that has happened. I picked my son up the other day at xWW's (my former marital home) and he was out in the driveway finishing up a basketball game with the neighborhood boys. For some reason that really hurt and made me angry at her. Why? Because it's what I did when I was his age. There was supposed to be something comforting about being in the house while he was outside playing ball with his friends. And I was suppose to be a part of that as a family. Maybe even out there myself playing with the boys and jumping in the pool with them afterwards. Kind of hard to explain, but it's how my childhood was. He can't have a basketball net in the driveway where I live now (HOA restrictions) and I guess I'm just feeling robbed from that part of his growing up. That and it was his birthday over the weekend and we did the customary "split" of the day. I still never expected my life to turn out this way.

BTW yes he and I do tons of things together, fishing, etc. But just having to go over there and seeing that was hard on me this week. Like I've let him down for something I had no control over. I really hate going over there.


BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1470 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For some reason that really hurt and made me angry at her. Why? Because it's what I did when I was his age. There was supposed to be something comforting about being in the house while he was outside playing ball with his friends. And I was suppose to be a part of that as a family. Maybe even out there myself playing with the boys and jumping in the pool with them afterwards. Kind of hard to explain, but it's how my childhood was. He can't have a basketball net in the driveway where I live now (HOA restrictions) and I guess I'm just feeling robbed from that part of his growing up. That and it was his birthday over the weekend and we did the customary "split" of the day. I still never expected my life to turn out this way

I so get this Sean. Even though I have primary custody, I get angry about all the stuff I have to miss because of him. I won't see my kids at all over Thanksgiving break and for most of Christmas break. And it really makes me angry.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
SeanFLA
♂ Member
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah the feeling is starting to pass this week, so I think it was just part of the everlasting rollercoaster.

The rollercoaster that keeps on giving.

I know I won't have my son for Thanksgiving dinner this year. So I'm not trying to worry about it. Instead I went ahead and booked a trip to the Caribbean all Thanksgiving week. I'm coming to realize I have to live my own life and do some of the things I've always wanted to do. But because she really wasn't "into" some of the things I really wanted to do I held back at times. I think you need to consider doing something too rather than sitting around your house all week feeling depressed. Make some plans for something you can really look forward to.


BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1470 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
Topic Posts: 11

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