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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Compulsive need to clean
Mack9512
♀ Member
Member # 38619
DOH!  Posted: 7:17 AM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

4 days. It will be the one year antiversary of DDay in 4 days and all I want to do is clean EVERYTHING!

WTF!?! I am not a neat freak. In all honesty I couldn't care less if my kitchen table has bits of glue and glitter on it. Or that there is a fine layer of dust all over everything. Hell, that's what I have a cleaning service for. But for the last couple of days all I want to do is clean out drawers, closets, cabinets, etc...

R is going well but I can't help correlating my need to clean with the day that my fWH told me he wanted a divorce. Is my subconscious telling me something besides the fact that I am apparently a condiment hoarder?

As always thanks for reading.
Mack

Does anybody ever need 72 packets of soy sauce?


"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coehlo

Posts: 398 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
canteat
♀ Member
Member # 39636
Default  Posted: 7:28 AM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

first off don't throw the soy sauce away-you never know when you might need it.

That being said, I did a BIG clean soon after Dday. I even cleaned out the clothes closet and got rid of a ton of stuff. In a way I think I was tossing out all the old junk and leaving myself a clean,fresh place to start from. I viewed starting R as a new start to a new M. (we killed the old one, the A was just the final blow to it) So the cleaning thing fits.


Me: BW 42
Him: WH 47
Married 9 years-together 18
Dday: 6/17/2013 EA/PA(EA 1yr/PA 6mos-OW out of state)
status: Starting R 7/22/13

Posts: 151 | Registered: Jun 2013
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 7:36 AM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I completely rearranged our bedroom. Even though he never brought his AP's to our home, I just didn't want the reminder of our "old life" with our bedroom. I needed it to be different. We had an argument the evening before too, so I got my frustration out by doing it.

He came home and was completely shocked. He had no idea how I managed to move our heavy king sized bed. I recruited my two oldest children.

I clean when I'm frustrated, angry, sad, etc. It keeps my mind off of things.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
everycloud
♀ New Member
Member # 38102
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm cleaning and tidying a lot these days, too, that are a sort of antiversary for me, too. I'm not a neat freak, too.I'm glad of this because for a long time after DDs I almost hated our house and what it meant. Now I care for it again and cleaning is a sort of 'reowning' it, of putting my mark on it.I see it in this period as an extension of myself.Then I'll buy something new that I like for the house. I see the end of this process as the start of a new period. Ah, I'm also going to cut and dye my hair and buy some new clothes!


Every cloud has a silver lining

Bs 58=me
Wh(?) 60=him


Posts: 48 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: EU
SorrowBhindSmile
♀ Member
Member # 38139
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I tend to stockpile the fancy mustard packets from white castle. cant eat my sliders without them!!

I get where you are coming from. i seem to be on a constant clean cycle since DDay. It comes in spurts...but when it comes, man, we are breaking out the qtips to clean in the corners and my curb looks like a bad episode of hoarders on garbage day. Maybe its therapeutic....purging the old to make room for the new. setting your mind on a project...and finishing it...big boost the the self esteem! creates a sense of purpose, accomplishment. You can stand back, look at your work and be all like, yeah, i am bad ass!!


Me: BW
Him: WH
OW: My former "dear friend"/neighbor
Married 20+
Kids: 3
D-Day 12/2012
Committed to R 7/8/2013
"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle"

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2013
boontje
♀ Member
Member # 33247
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cleaning is extremely therapeutic for me in times of stress. It brings a sense of control and calm.

72 packets of soy sauce? I think I pitched about the same number of ketchup packets during one of my organizing fits.


Me: BS
Dday: June 2011
Working on R, one day at a time

The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.
― Ernest Hemingway



Posts: 934 | Registered: Aug 2011
HardenMyHeart
♂ Member
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WTF!?! I am not a neat freak.

It's a common reaction to stress and anxiety. Once the anxiety lessens, the compulsion should as well.


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.


Posts: 5657 | Registered: Aug 2007
struggling16
♀ Member
Member # 33202
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I noticed this behavior right after Dday. I vacillated between not caring about anything and cleaning like a maniac.

I think it had to do with regaining some control over something since I had no control over his choice to have the A. I gave away clothing and other stuff because I recognized how truly unimportant those things were. I gave away clothes I purchased during the A time period. I would love to get rid of a beautiful antique table we bought together during the A, but I like it too much. I also insisted that we redecorate the bedroom and we did it together (he never had the AP to our house or cottage). It all symbolized a fresh start to a new M.


Posts: 716 | Registered: Aug 2011
womaninflux
♀ Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 12:15 PM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Supposedly it's your subconscious way of taking control and "putting order back into the world."


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 895 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 9

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