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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Upcoming trip
noglamour
♂ Member
Member # 40380
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm planning on taking a trip in October to meet up with my sister in Chicago.

I'm newly separated, how much details should I give my BS?

I pickup our son from school, so I will need to see if she can do it that day or trade a pickup for drop off.


Me: WS 38
Her: BS 37
6 year old
Married 9 years, together 11
DDay: 7/29/13

Posts: 65 | Registered: Aug 2013
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is hard to say because I don't know your story and I don't know where you are in the process.

If you would like to R, then give your BS full details of the trip including your sisters address and phone number or the address/phone number where you are staying. Be as transparent as possible.

If you are firmly on the road to D then as a courtesy let her know you will be out of town and give her contact information in case something happens while you are away. If she asks about the details then tell her you are visiting your sister -- this will keep any animosity to a low level.

HTH


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17687 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
noglamour
♂ Member
Member # 40380
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, i would like to R, but she does not want to.

My sister and I have done this trip a few times before.

Ok, I will be transparent and give her all the details. Nothing to hide.


Me: WS 38
Her: BS 37
6 year old
Married 9 years, together 11
DDay: 7/29/13

Posts: 65 | Registered: Aug 2013
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Even though we are on the road to D, I tend to give a few details, because I don't have anything to hide but because I don't want to be accused of hiding anything.

Lately, I am accused of both things and it's aggravating, so it seems good to cover ourselves and give minor details.

Also, it may go across better for you to show that you aren't bitter or secretive to give small or minor details.

When I went on a trip with DD, for instance, I gave the info of who we were going to see and the days and that was all. I didn't give details of daily activities or anything.

ETA we have an issue with finances too, and though I get very annoyed when Nearly ExH shows up with new belongings, I don't say anything because his life is his own now. It would do no good to voice concern even if it's valid It's my opinion that your WW shouldn't have anything to say about your coming and going, either-it seems like she made that choice already and you should get to have your own life without her judgment.

when our bills are behind I worry but all it does is cause trouble to say anything nowadays. His spending habits have always been different than mine and it's very apparent now, but I have no right to any opinion on what he does now. I hope your WW will get to that point someday...and I hope you have a nice trip, no Glamour. Maybe a change of scenery will help?

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 8:05 PM, September 1st (Sunday)]


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
noglamour
♂ Member
Member # 40380
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ashland13,

Thank you for your reply.
My BS does not want to R, so that means we are on the way to D. The only reason why we are not going to D is she is concerned about the cost and added expenses.

I ask her if she can pick up our son that day and she replies back.

"is it wise to be taking a trip when we are a little concerned about finances?"

I'm not concerned about finances.


Me: WS 38
Her: BS 37
6 year old
Married 9 years, together 11
DDay: 7/29/13

Posts: 65 | Registered: Aug 2013
Pippy
♀ Member
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The way it works, now and in the future is.... when it is her time with your son she is responsible for getting a babysitter during times when she can't be there.

Then it is the same for you. So if you can't pick him up at school, it is your responsibility to get a babysitter to take your place.


I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.


Posts: 9588 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
Topic Posts: 6

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