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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: AP's BW may know about the affair....
Alyssamd24
♀ Member
Member # 39005
Stop  Posted: 3:02 PM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I received a text from my XAP today telling me that he has told his BW about our A and to please leave him and his family alone.

He also told me that if I quit my job today then his BW won't go to my boss on Tuesday.

I would like to think he really told her, but my BH thinks he is lying and said it only so we don't tell her, since my BH recently threatened him that if he and I continue to talk he would tell her.

I did a people search for her online and was able to find her phone number...I am now trying to decide whether or not sending her a text, or to just let it go. If he really did tell her, it is probable too soon for me to contact her.....not that she will ever want to hear from me again.

I also called my boss and told her about my A. I didn't tell her who it was with, only what had happened. She didn't fire me like I thought she would, but said she has to look over the policies and procedures before she decides whether or not to fire me.

Looking for any thoughts on what I should do next

[This message edited by Alyssamd24 at 3:26 PM, September 1st (Sunday)]


"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 737 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
heartbroken0903
♀ Member
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think he's lying and is trying to protect his own ass.


Me: WS, 30s
XH: BS, 40s
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10

Reconciling after divorce

"Someday you'll look back on all these days
And all this pain is gonna be invisible." - Hunter Hayes, "Invisible"


Posts: 2077 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: the cat's meow
stilllovinghim
♀ Member
Member # 29971
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Even if the AP is bluffing, just go ahead and tell his W. For fuck sake this has gone on long enough don't you think? Your boss now knows. Either way the AP W still needs to know.


“You have a choice. Live or die.Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. Every time you don't throw yourself down the stairs, that's a choice. Every time you don't crash your car, you re-enlist.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor

Posts: 1942 | Registered: Oct 2010
JustDesserts
♂ Member
Member # 39665
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stilllovinghim's ^^^^^^^ x2


2 year EA/PA. DDay 3/12. Broke NC 6/13 w/one stupid 5 line e-mail (which brought me to SI). Me: WH, 50. Her: BW, 49. Married 19 years. Two kids. Dog. Reconciling...together.

Posts: 403 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Suburbia, New England, USA
mrmarx
♂ New Member
Member # 38357
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't see there being any harm in waiting it out and seeing what your next move is about a job. Obviously you need to move jobs anyway and it will be a matter of time.

My thoughts are not to get yourself in an intensely sour situation. If you do get fired or find another job, I would recommend that you tell her then. I know my wife informed another betrayed spouse. She seems to regret it but maintains if she was in that situation again she would do it anonymously. Perhaps that's an avenue to consider

Also, won't you be able to gauge if she knows if she comes to pick up her kids?

Sorry I've been reading your story for a while now. That's why it may seem weird that I know what happened

[This message edited by mrmarx at 7:10 PM, September 1st (Sunday)]


Christ what a year!

Posts: 37 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Aus
Alyssamd24
♀ Member
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I sent XAP's BW a text today saying that I am sorry for what happened and never meant for it to happen. I told her that I will not be contacting her or him ever again and just want to fix my marriage now and let them do the same. I don't know that she actually read it, but at least I tried.

If my boss fires me, then she fires me....its something I know I deserve. If she doesn't then I will stay until I find another job. But I am definitely going to be searching even more now than what I was doing before.


"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 737 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
mrmarx
♂ New Member
Member # 38357
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That must of been very hard, how do you feel?


Christ what a year!

Posts: 37 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Aus
Alyssamd24
♀ Member
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 8:39 PM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel relieved that I finally told my boss the truth. I am also relieved I sent the text to his BW, though I am wondering if she even really read it.

I am also terrified of what is to come...I don't know whats going to happen at my job or what I will do if I get fired


"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 737 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
OK now
♀ Member
Member # 14459
Default  Posted: 7:04 AM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

didn't notice stop sign

[This message edited by OK now at 7:07 AM, September 2nd (Monday)]


Posts: 1691 | Registered: May 2007 | From: NC
20WrongsVs1
♀ Member
Member # 39000
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

xAP tried to intimidate you, and you didn't cave. Time will tell, if OBS actually knows. Assuming your boss doesn't tell you not to show up tomorrow...I think the presence or absence of xAP's child(ren) on Tuesday will be telling. Personally I can't see how they'd continue to patronize that daycare if you're still working there. Not meaning to be harsh, just seems like common sense. If OBS knows, one would think she'll tell your boss: "She goes, or we go."


fWW: 42
BH: 52
Sweet DS & fierce DD, under 10
"Between stimulus and response there’s a space, in that space lies our power to choose our response, in our response lies our growth and our freedom." V. Frankl

Posts: 1044 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Redneck land
Apple3point14
♂ Member
Member # 39035
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by Apple3point14 at 9:33 PM, September 2nd (Monday)]


Posts: 79 | Registered: Apr 2013
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Red  Posted: 6:10 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Apple3point14,

Please do not delete entire posts. It is against the guidelines.

DELETING/EDITING CONTENT: Please use the edit feature to make corrections or additions to your posts but do not use it to remove the entire contents of your post. SI.com does not delete entire threads unless absolutely necessary, even at the original Author's request. Members take time to show support and deleting them would be offensive to those that responded. Please be sure you're comfortable with your post before hitting the Send button.

Thank you.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 36620 | Registered: Sep 2007
Alyssamd24
♀ Member
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just an update,
I haven't spoken to my boss in a couple of days because she is in the hospital after giving birth to her second child yesterday!! (Mommy and baby are both doing well) I have however talked to my coworker who is taking over for my boss while she is on maternity leave....

I am currently suspended from work until my boss is able to talk to the board and have an emergency meeting. They will discuss in the meeting what to do with me, and what to do regarding my daughter and XAP's son....there is a chance they will not be able to continue at the daycare because of the A. Although its more likely my daughter won't be able to continue, but his son will be able to

I have obviously not seen or heard anything from XAP or his BW. I still don't know whether or not she actually knows about the A. I still have her cell phone number but haven't contacted her. I figure even if she doesn't know yet, she will find out once my director and the board meet.

I am completely expecting to be fired but overall I am ok with it.


"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 737 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 13

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