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Newest Member: tryingtolove (44683)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: WH Committed Suicide
hoya96
♀ Member
Member # 28851
Default  Posted: 5:41 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so very sorry, and my heart breaks for your son in particular.

Be strong.


Me: 40 and fabulous!
3 children ages 10, 12 and 14
Out of blue ex said he wanted separation 2/14/10
DDay #1: 5/23/10 18 month affair with his 22 yr old paralegal
DDay #2 9/22/10 my best friend, now his wife
Divorced: 12/10/10
Re-married a wonde

Posts: 313 | Registered: Jun 2010
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry...


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4110 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm very sorry for all of this and especially that your children now have to deal with the loss of a parent by suicide. I can't imagine.

Please stay strong and protect each other.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2756 | Registered: Jan 2011
monarchwings
♀ Member
Member # 39891
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry for your family and especially your son having to be a witness. Please try and find a grief counceling center that offers group therapy.I think its most helpful for people especially kids to be around kids their own age dealing with the loss of a family member. Usually the families have a pot luck dinner before breaking into groups. It was very theraputic for our family when my daughter passed away.

Again my deepest sympathies to you and your family.


Posts: 95 | Registered: Jul 2013
Must Survive
♀ Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DOML,

I know that there are no words that are going to relieve the pain you and your kids are in. Try to be strong for them.

And it is too soon, but a year or two from now, you may be able to share/laugh with them some of the better times with him. They will need that too.


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 712 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
waiting2see
♀ Member
Member # 13767
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I faced an identical scenario when I was 11--except I came to visitation to find my father with a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head.

He took the coward's way out and why he let me find him I will never know.

I have since forgiven him.

There was no counseling for me then but there was some after the A. The abandonment issues surfaced in a big way.

My mother was my rock. She carried me on. She gave me a normal and happy life.

Please no guilt for you. This is on him.

Hugs to you and your sweet children.


me: BS
him: XWS

Much of your pain is self-chosen. ~Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet, 1923

"It's not livin' that you're doin' if it feels like dyin." Ray Lamontagne


Posts: 1931 | Registered: Feb 2007
little turtle
♀ Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't imagine. prayers for you and your family.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4143 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
forksintheroad
♀ Member
Member # 32362
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so very sorry for your loss


35 BW(me); 35 FWH(him)
2DD's 6 yrs, 3 yrs; 2dogs/3cats
Together 16 yrs, married 8 yrs
DDay May 29, 2011; EA/PA Nov 05-March 06; working on R
People may not remember what you did or said but they will always remember how you made them feel

Posts: 310 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Massachusetts
krazy8516
♀ Member
Member # 40076
Default  Posted: 10:11 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, that's terrible!

::hugs:: and strength to you and your family during this tragic time.


me: BW, 30
him: WH, 25
us: edging closer to R every day

married 2y, together 2.5y
1 beautiful daughter, 23m

"Someday soon, I'm going to put my life together; Win or lose, I'm starting over again."


Posts: 368 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Texas
Militarybrat
♀ Member
Member # 37303
Default  Posted: 10:13 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry that you and your children are going through this.

My sister left her son's dad in 2004. The day she went to their house to meet a realtor and put it up for sale, he committed suicide in the garage. My sister found him and my dad cut him down and tried to give him CPR. My nephew was there and saw the ambulance and cops. My sister felt guilty at first because right before he did it, he tried to get her to come back to him and she said no. Thats when he went out to the garage and took his own life.

To be honest, I'm not sure how she got through it but she did and so did my nephew. As her family, we just made sure we were there for her and we were very protective since his family also blamed my sister. Most of them have come around though.

I feel bad for you and your kids. You will get through this!


Me: BS (37) 38 now
Him: WS (38) 39 now
OW: Only 23, now 24
DS: 4
1st DD: 4/2010 (same girl)
Tried R and MC
2nd DD: 7/12/12 and my child was there!

Posts: 94 | Registered: Oct 2012
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((days & family)))))


first and foremost: i am so so sorry for your loss and for this trauma in your lives

i echo the others about getting all of you into counseling: i had an uncle, he was 25 at the time i was 22, he killed himself....the family was never the same...2 of his 4 sisters who never went to counseling have been messed up ever since, its been over 20 years...the rest of us have healed...

this is just terrible and i again i am so so sorry for all you.....sometimes life just sucks


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 6038 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
fraeuken
♀ Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry to read this. Thinking about your son; I hope he will find peace and will be able to move past this.


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1247 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:47 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry. Your situation is so disturbing, my heart breaks for your son having to find his father. Words fail me. I'm so sorry.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9494 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
NewMom0220
♀ Member
Member # 39036
Default  Posted: 11:10 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. Sending prayers to you and your children.


Me: BS 36
Him: WS 37
14 month old DS
Married 5 years, together 8, DIVORCING!!! (taking forever)
DDay: 3/1/13 (4 Month PA while I was pregnant)
Sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

Posts: 350 | Registered: Apr 2013
IrishLass518
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 11:35 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry for your loss and for your children's loss. I have no experience, I only feel that this is the worst outcome from this situation. I hope that you feel the love and support you have here and please feel free to reach out by PM to any of us at any time. Take care of you and your babies.


Me: 45 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 22, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1711 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Helpless  Posted: 11:40 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I'm so sorry for you and kids.
My 1st XH killed himself when our DD was 12, that was about 8 yrs after our D.
Just know that you could not have saved him, no matter what, this was his own pain and burden.
Please get in to counseling with your kids.

I'm just so so sorry.


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. I lost my family but gained a chance to be happy again.

Posts: 20354 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my....I am sooo sorry.

In addition to your poor son, please make sure you have a counselor for yourself. There is a lot of anger that goes with suicide....at some point, you will probably be so mad at him for doing this to you, your DD and especially for his exit plan with the chance of your DS finding him.

As other poster said, the guilt with suicide can be tremendous. It is very important to make sure your heart of heart KNOWS this was their choice. There is nothing you could do or say when a person is truly suicidal.

(I have a family member did commit suicide and an Ex would just treatened)


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2052 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
brokenandconfuse
♀ Member
Member # 39381
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending prayers to you and your family.


2DS, 2DD
BS-Me 32
WH-Him 43
DDay-All 14 years of our relationship. 3PA's, 3 one night stands, and 6 EA's and still counting as we go. Gained enough strength to face it 11/2012

Getting Divorced


Posts: 101 | Registered: May 2013 | From: United States
still2suspicious
♀ Member
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so, so sorry, and no words can express my sympathies.

Sending hugs to you and your children. An extra one for your DS.


Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

Posts: 1278 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
DecimatedHeart
♀ Member
Member # 37657
Default  Posted: 6:10 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, so sorry, for you and your precious children. I assume you are the one making arrangements. Once that is done, please take care of your poor son. And don't blame yourself. Your errant thought did not manifest this.


Me, BS 41
Him WH 42 - LTA, EA/PA
Together 24 years
DD13 - the love of my life
DDay#1 11/10/2012
DDay#4 4/5/2013 (NC broken AGAIN)
A supposedly over 6/14/2013

All my posts are edited - I hate typos. :)


Posts: 129 | Registered: Nov 2012
Topic Posts: 119
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