This might simply be a deal breaker for her - it is highly likely she is fighting that battle within herself right now.
The kindest thing for you to do for her is to give her the space she has asked for.
Please remember can BSs cake-eat too. I knew this was a deal breaker on DD but I raged against it. It might take her time to accept that this is a deal breaker - I didn't accept it until a few months after final S. I behaved much the same way she is behaving - she's in shock. She can't believe this has happened. She doesn't know which way is up. She doesn't know what the hell she wants - actually, she wants for none of this to have happened. She doesn't believe a word you say. She is looking for you for proof of the man she thought she married. She is looking to your actions to prove her gut instinct wrong.
She'll be on this crazy roller coaster for some time. She is doing the right thing for her by keeping her distance from you.
If at some point the stuff she is pulling (BS cake-eating) starts dragging you down then you will need to go hardcore NC on her.
R is not just up to you or her - it is up to both of you. She doesn't have to make a decision today or this month or even in the next year. She can make it whenever she wants. As can you.
If you do the work then you'll be ready if she decides to attempt R and you also want R. If she decides to never R you'll still be well down the road to healing.
Try to take your focus off her or what she is doing/thinking and sort your own shit out otherwise you will be in this position again.
Keep doing the work - for you. What she chooses for herself now or in the future should have no bearing on the work YOU do for YOU. You and your kids need you to be healthy.
Don't make R the goal. Make healing the goal.