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User Topic: 6 years and not much reason for my BS to hope
1DumbHusband
♂ Member
Member # 40239
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For 6 years, I have been a horrible husband. I have lied to my wife, trickle truth'd, gas lighted, cheated, and taken advantage of her love and emotions. We were having a good weekend for most of the weekend, however last night my wife had some triggers and one incident unrelated to my A that has set her on a downward fall on the rollercoaster of emotions we find ourselves since DDay. I have been on SI doing considerable research and looking into how to fix myself and resolve my own internal issues. We tried MC but my BS is not open to it at this time as we have tried before it was not productive. I have explored IC but financially it's not feasible for us. So for now, SI is our therapy and I have actually learned a lot about myself after being on here for not quite a month.

Early on in my relationship with my amazing BS i had an EA. I've learned how my previous EA was never fully addressed. I've learned that I TT'd and gas lighted the situation after the EA and never took ownership of my BS's triggers in response to those actions. I thought it was her dwelling on the past, when in truth it wasn't fully resolved. I wish I had found SI back then and then my BS and I would not be in our current situation. We could have fixed this before my behaviors and actions got worse.

So today, my wife has again asked me to leave. It KILLS me to no end but I honored her wishes and left because that's what I've learned on here. However when I left, I was numb and we were discussing my actions which caused me to be defensive and emphatic about how I am trying to make changes and improve myself for my BS and my family. I wasn't angry. I've learned on here that I need to be supportive and not angry when these incidents occur. I really am using SI as my therapy and learning to apply the things I read to our situation. After I left, my lovely BS calls me and we enter our conversation again. She says me leaving so easily proves how much I don't want her or our family. She said she expects me to break down and get emotional. I don't cry when i get defensive. However, lately i cry when times are good. I cried when my BS and i have our nightly (on good nights when she allows) dance together. I cry sometimes when we read our SI posts to each other. I didn't used to be a cryer.

Here's my question to everyone: what is the right thing to do when your BS asks you to leave? Do you stay and beg for forgiveness and not to leave? Or do you honor their wishes? Leaving is by no means what I want, but I've spent 6 years not being attentive to my wife. History is definitely not on my side when I try to convince her this time will be different. And she is fully within her rights to say she's done. After all, in 6 years I haven't given her much reason to hope because of my actions. So when she asks I try to honor her wishes. I'm trying to help her heal and I want more than anything to show her I am making permanent changes to be the husband and man I should have been. Any help would be greatly appreciated!


Me: FWH 34
Her: 31 and deserving much better than I've given her (CCW82)
Married 4 years, together 6 years.
D-Day: June 17th, 2013
"Don't give up. You're married until you're not. You never know what tomorrow will bring."

Posts: 121 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Dallas
UnexpectedSong
♀ Member
Member # 21761
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

we were discussing my actions which caused me to be defensive

I wasn't angry.

The two statements don't match.

I've learned on here that I need to be supportive and not angry when these incidents occur.

These are just words. What plan do you have to "be supportive "? What does that mean to you?

what is the right thing to do when your BS asks you to leave?

It doesn't matter what you do. Whether you acquiesce or not, you will be doing the wrong thing. When your wife is that angry, leaving or staying will make her angrier. So, it doesn't matter.

What does matter is that you have spent a lot of time reading here, but I don't think you have really learned how to apply the words you read - your assertion notwithstanding. You know you need to be supportive, but you get defensive (I don't believe you weren't angry - I believe you don't even know when you're angry because you stuff those feelings so you don't feel them, but they are there) and you are in fact SO UNSUPPORTIVE that your wife gets angry enough to ask you to leave.

You are analyzing the wrong question. You need to look at what's happening UPSTREAM of when she asks you to leave.


WW(SA)
"Feedback is the breakfast of champions." - Boris Becker

Posts: 6092 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: California
1DumbHusband
♂ Member
Member # 40239
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks UnexpectedSong. I should add some clarity. I was defensive in that I was trying to convince my BS that the changes I've been making and the journey I've undertaken here on SI will be a lasting permanent change for me and for us. I was trying to state how wrong I've been and what I am doing to fix me and make myself safe for her again. I wasn't angry (as in yelling back). I was trying to be supportive by listening to her concerns/fears and taking ownership of my infidelity and convince her this is the last time she'll ever have to feel this way because of me. To be supportive in my mind is hearing her out when she triggers or has these inquisitive times. I try (when she allows me) to hold her and I apologize profusely and tell her I will never be that guy again. Again, history is not on my side and when she has forgiven me in the past, I have squandered my opportunities to change. I didn't realize how I was causing the issues and how I had a SA problem myself. Post DDay is when that information came to light and I'm actively working on it to rid myself of those demons and put all focus on my BS and family. I've created a 6 year mountain to climb and I'm only just starting at the base to make up for it.


Me: FWH 34
Her: 31 and deserving much better than I've given her (CCW82)
Married 4 years, together 6 years.
D-Day: June 17th, 2013
"Don't give up. You're married until you're not. You never know what tomorrow will bring."

Posts: 121 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Dallas
UnexpectedSong
♀ Member
Member # 21761
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was trying to convince my BS that the changes I've been making and the journey I've undertaken here on SI will be a lasting permanent change for me

Ah ok. Well, stop it. You cannot convince her of this. You cannot convince yourself. The only thing you can be sure of is now.

So don't explain. And don't try to convince. Just be consistent. Be transparent. Be consistent. Be transparent. For the next 40 years.

Everything else will take care of itself.

[This message edited by UnexpectedSong at 7:22 PM, September 2nd (Monday)]


WW(SA)
"Feedback is the breakfast of champions." - Boris Becker

Posts: 6092 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: California
1DumbHusband
♂ Member
Member # 40239
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do you not explain or try to convince when your BS is recalling and reliving your past indiscretions and asking you to tell them "why is it different now or why is it going to change THIS time?" So the roller coaster for us is her asking me to leave, then saying she misses me after I'm gone and wants nothing more than to be held by me. So I return and the discussion begins again. From what I have seen on SI, being supportive is letting your BS vent, apologizing and telling them (sincerely) that you'll never do those things again. I've been consistent with that message as well as transparent with everything. I just have those days where I'm totally lost and confused and being consistent doesn't seem to matter to my BS.


Me: FWH 34
Her: 31 and deserving much better than I've given her (CCW82)
Married 4 years, together 6 years.
D-Day: June 17th, 2013
"Don't give up. You're married until you're not. You never know what tomorrow will bring."

Posts: 121 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Dallas
UnexpectedSong
♀ Member
Member # 21761
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Forgive me - I've tried to read your profile but could not navigate that wall of text. Basically, you have been together 6 years and you have been cheating/lying about cheating/etc. for 6 years. The entire relationship. Correct?

Of course she will keep asking you over and over again. But I don't think you know yet WHY you cheated. Until you do, you cannot know that you will not cheat again.

I had a 1-month A after 8 years of marriage and my H doubted our entire relationship. Your wife has empirical evidence that you will cheat multiple times.

Do you know your triggers? What is your perfect storm that starts an affair? (you don't have to tell us - do you know within yourself?) some people's perfect storm consists of 10 elements (feeling lonely plus stress plus new project, blah blah). Some people's perfect storm consists of only 2 things - anger and alone time in the computer. You need to find your triggers by observing your behavior and responses to various stimuli over the course of a year, at least. That is something a good therapist can do.

telling them (sincerely) that you'll never do those things again

That is just the tip of the iceberg. You hear that a lot because most BSes here have unremorseful WSes. This is what they want, because they haven't had anything else.

But to really help your wife feel safe, you cannot just TELL her. That's just words. You need to SHOW her. And one way to show her is to know - deeply and truly - why you cheated.

I don't think you know.


WW(SA)
"Feedback is the breakfast of champions." - Boris Becker

Posts: 6092 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: California
UnexpectedSong
♀ Member
Member # 21761
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As an example, describe the first few steps of your EA from years ago. How did it start? Who initiated? What was going on in your life at that moment? Work issues? Relationship issues? Family issues?

There is always that moment when the switch happens in your head to go forward with an affair. What was that moment for you?


WW(SA)
"Feedback is the breakfast of champions." - Boris Becker

Posts: 6092 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: California
1DumbHusband
♂ Member
Member # 40239
Default  Posted: 12:01 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Basically, you have been together 6 years and you have been cheating/lying about cheating/etc. for 6 years. The entire relationship. Correct?

Correct. It started with a EA to a woman I was interested in and had gone out with a couple of times before my BS and i met. We had talked and gone out a couple of times by the time my BS and I started dating. I continued on with both women and didn't go NC (with AP) until 7 months after my BS and I decided to "become official as a couple". Even then, when i told the AP, i only admitted to just having started dating my BS even though by that point we were living together. Over the next 5 years, I had gone online to look at porn and find women to chat with on Craigslist, dating websites, etc. I met up with two women and my worst offense (as if those weren't bad enough) was sleeping with an escort.

But I don't think you know yet WHY you cheated. Until you do, you cannot know that you will not cheat again.

This is a source of contention between my loving BS and myself. Part of my WHY is because I rationalized and justified my behavior based upon what I perceived my BS was doing. We were both going online at the time and having sexually inappropriate conversations with strangers. My BS would post ads on Craigslist how she was lonely and I ignored her. I focused on her sexual desires expressed in the post rather than recognize these were cries for help and affection from me. Rather than confront my wife, I convinced myself she was having her own A and told myself if she could do it, I could do it. I know how terrible this thought process and line of thinking is. Its immature, selfish, and self serving. Another reason is I was addicted to going online and carrying on with my "second life" and having the fantasies that came along with them. Finally, I think there's some FOO issues. I was an only child and kept seeking more and more to fulfill me. I engaged in multiple hobbies (4-5) in the period since my BS and I have been together. In our marriage, I kept seeking more by going online and having those conversations. I liked the attention and the validation I got from having that online fantasy. I grew up the "fat kid" so I felt rejected a lot as a kid. Going online and meeting more women (after I was married) was an attempt to feel desired more by multiple people. I know this is a personal self esteem issue that I'm working to correct.

Do you know your triggers? What is your perfect storm that starts an affair? (you don't have to tell us - do you know within yourself?) some people's perfect storm consists of 10 elements (feeling lonely plus stress plus new project, blah blah). Some people's perfect storm consists of only 2 things - anger and alone time in the computer. You need to find your triggers by observing your behavior and responses to various stimuli over the course of a year, at least. That is something a good therapist can do.

So I feel my triggers involve online addictions. Porn, chatting, etc. that started me down the path to considering cheating. I have since gone NC with the online material and my BS has installed key logging software on my computer as well as looks at all browser history on iPhone/iPad. I want to help her heal so badly and to be the man/husband she deserves. I know I may never be able to prove to her, but I'll definitely go down swinging to make the effort!


Me: FWH 34
Her: 31 and deserving much better than I've given her (CCW82)
Married 4 years, together 6 years.
D-Day: June 17th, 2013
"Don't give up. You're married until you're not. You never know what tomorrow will bring."

Posts: 121 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Dallas
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 12:20 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was defensive in that I was trying to convince my BS that the changes I've been making and the journey I've undertaken here on SI will be a lasting permanent change for me and for us

Well, stop doing that. Your BS isn't going to 'believe' you just because you say it's so. Your BS is going to be trusting her 'gut.' You've TT'd and gaslighted her and so that has added an extra mile to the hill that you have to climb.

She says me leaving so easily proves how much I don't want her or our family. She said she expects me to break down and get emotional.

She asked you to leave. You are respecting her by honoring her requeat. You can honor her and your family by continuing to act as a 'husband' even though you aren't living in the family home.

SA demons cannot be fought by using SI alone. There's an online SA website (can't think of the name right now) that allows you to work on your SA issues w/o the expense of therapy.

Being consistent means being consistent "long-term". Your BS most likely is worried that you are *white-knuckling* it.....which is where her *why is it different now* statements come into play.

Here's my question to everyone: what is the right thing to do when your BS asks you to leave?

You leave. You go to a *safe* place that will not encourage you to act out.
You offer up total transparency.

One of the best statements that I've heard from an IC is "make actions that are in the best interest of your FAMILY."

(dude, it's been 6 years that your BW has been dealing with you....it's time for you to get really serious about your issues)


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7942 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 12:24 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We were both going online at the time and having sexually inappropriate conversations with strangers. My BS would post ads on Craigslist how she was lonely and I ignored her.

So did your wife also cheat?


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7942 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
UnexpectedSong
♀ Member
Member # 21761
Default  Posted: 3:01 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Part of my WHY is because I rationalized and justified my behavior based upon what I perceived my BS was doing.

No, that's not it at all.

Let's go back even further. When was the first time you ever cheated? Did you have girlfriends before your wife? And technically, you were cheating on the woman you were with when you started with your wife.

We were both going online at the time and having sexually inappropriate conversations with strangers. My BS would post ads on Craigslist how she was lonely and I ignored her. I focused on her sexual desires expressed in the post

Whoa! What is this about? She was doing this? Did she get responses? Did she have EAs?

So I feel my triggers involve online addictions. Porn, chatting, etc.

No, those behaviors are the RESULTS of your triggers. What are the circumstances that make you want to go online? Is it when you feel lonely? Stressed? Bored? Worried? Happy?

I have since gone NC with the online material

Anyone can white-knuckle for a few months. You have adrenaline on your side for awhile. I want to know what plan you have in place the next time your triggers hit and you feel the urge to go online and it takes you more energy to resist than to give in.


WW(SA)
"Feedback is the breakfast of champions." - Boris Becker

Posts: 6092 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: California
mrmarx
♂ New Member
Member # 38357
Default  Posted: 4:32 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to say I've found this thread really helpful, in terms of the 'perfect storm' elements.

1Dumbhusband: I've not had my wife ask me to leave too many times. But when this has happened I will leave her my phone go to the coffee shop down the road, get us two coffees and sit in the park and wait. I let her know what I'm going to do. I've found this to alleviate her fears that I am going to do something wrong: my take on honesty and transparency.

About your wife: I'm a bit concerned from what you've described in terms of an EA too. I can only base from what you've described but it seems an element may be revenge

I had the same problem too except diluted: I felt abandoned and alone by my wife (purely without reason to be honest), onset of anxiety and depression and a lot of people pulling me different ways in my career. Also because at one stage worked together I noticed her male co-workers paid her a lot of attention. Infact one who also knew we were married! asked her out and proclaimed his undying love to her. We later discovered he's pretty unstable and did that to a lot of girls.

Another male co-worker dropped her home every night from work (I finished earlier then her). During that time the main other woman would call me twice a week drunk and essentially begging me to have sex with her.

So that's my example of a perfect storm. Maybe you could really try and break it down?


Christ what a year!

Posts: 37 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Aus
1DumbHusband
♂ Member
Member # 40239
Default  Posted: 7:12 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SA demons cannot be fought by using SI alone. There's an online SA website (can't think of the name right now) that allows you to work on your SA issues w/o the expense of therapy

(dude, it's been 6 years that your BW has been dealing with you....it's time for you to get really serious about your issues

Gonnabe: thanks for your input. If you can think of the site, please let me know and I'll check it out. I've been reading and have attended SAA meetings to help address this. For 6 years I thought I was being a decent husband, but I was in denial. I was being a terrible husband and I am serious about change. I wouldn't be here if I wasn't.

So did your wife also cheat?

Yes she admitted she had an EA because she felt neglected and lonely based upon my actions. She didn't know about my online activities, but I was gone a lot for work and had a lot of hobbies when I was home.

When was the first time you ever cheated? Did you have girlfriends before your wife? And technically, you were cheating on the woman you were with when you started with your wife.

US: one serious Gf before my BS. I first time I guess was the EA when we were first dating. I wasn't even dating the woman I was talking to when my BS and I met. I wouldn't say that WS chatting on her because we weren't together.

No, those behaviors are the RESULTS of your triggers. What are the circumstances that make you want to go online? Is it when you feel lonely? Stressed? Bored? Worried? Happy?
. I used to travel a lot for work...I was a pilot. Lots of alone nights in a hotel. I guess part of it was lonely in terms of physical contact because my wife and I were on the phone most nights or on video chat. Bored could be a part as I used to go online when I was sitting around. And then it became an addiction. Worried that my BS was doing something only fueled it more. I was bad at communicating and was a conflict avoider.

Anyone can white-knuckle for a few months. You have adrenaline on your side for awhile. I want to know what plan you have in place the next time your triggers hit and you feel the urge to go online and it takes you more energy to resist than to give in.

Very true! In the past my wife said I was in panic mode. And she's right. Now I need to make changes so this isn't just panic mode, but a change that's permanent and lifelong. My plan for triggers is avoiding the online material, focusing on my wife/kids, leaving the situation that is tempting me and focusing on something else (I.e. reading or SI, etc).

Mrmarx: thanks for the input and joining the conversation.


Me: FWH 34
Her: 31 and deserving much better than I've given her (CCW82)
Married 4 years, together 6 years.
D-Day: June 17th, 2013
"Don't give up. You're married until you're not. You never know what tomorrow will bring."

Posts: 121 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Dallas
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I see a lot of things that need to be focused on in your post.

You seem to think that as long as you avoid going online then everything will be ok. I would caution you about this.

As gonna pointed out, this is your trigger, not the reason. You need to get down to why you did this. You mentioned conflict avoidance, are you looking into that?

Also worry about what your W was doing, what is she doing about the fact that she also cheated? Is she working on her own why? So you feel safe that she isn't going to do this again?

You mention boredom, is this a problem for you? There were many other choices for you, why didn't you make a healthy choice?

See, many layers here for you to look at.


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 4759 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
ccw82
♀ Member
Member # 40133
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also worry about what your W was doing, what is she doing about the fact that she also cheated? Is she working on her own why? So you feel safe that she isn't going to do this again?

I would personally like to address this issue. It is not something I am proud of, but I did go online and start looking to talk with other people. Call it revenge from the initial EA, call it attention seeking because I felt lonely and brushed aside, call it a cry for help...no matter which angle you look at it, it was WRONG, WRONG, WRONG. However, I resolved this issue in myself a long time ago. I realized that if it was for revenge, it wasn't worth it. If it was attention seeking, it was looking for the wrong kind of attention. If it was a cry for help, it was crying to the wrong people. I realized, on my own and a long time ago, that there is no excuse or justification for what I did when I was talking with other people. It was a very short-term thing that happened during a low point in my life.

I also asked 1DH that if he knew I was having these emails, and if he actually thought I was having PAs, why did it never bother him enough to confront me? Why did he use it as fuel to actually go out and have sex with other people? The only conclusion I can come up with is that he wanted to have PAs all along, and used the revenge EAs I had as enough justification to actually go out and do it. He was watching porn and chatting with women from CL long before I ever gave him the justification to. It was when he saw my emails that he bumped it up a notch and actually started meeting women in person to have PAs.


Me: 31
WH (1DumbHusband): 35
Married 5 years, together 7 years.
D-Day: June 17th, 2013
TTs that came out as late as January 2014

"One is not tempted by that he does not want."


Posts: 136 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Dallas, TX
TxsT
♀ Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CCW....

Have the two of you done any reading on A's together? If not may I suggest a book you should share...

"After the Affair, fixing the hurt and restoring trust after one spouse has been unfaithful" it is by Janis Abrahms. Great book for both of you to explore together.

T


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was a very short-term thing that happened during a low point in my life.

So is a ONS. You're minimizing....


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4777 | Registered: Dec 2010
ccw82
♀ Member
Member # 40133
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TxsT, we have read one book together - "Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction" by Patrick Carnes. We've also been reading the SAA daily meditation book. 1DH admits he's the world's slowest reader, while I am a fast reader.

By myself, I have read about 4 books on affairs and SA. I did read that book "After the Affair" you are speaking of. I remember reading it and thinking it was hard to apply it to us, however, because the author advises to look back at what made you fall in love with him in the first place. Well, since I learned that his EA, TTs, gaslighting, and lying started on DAY ONE of our relationship, it's hard for me to lovingly look back on our memories and reasons why I fell in love with him. Those memories and reasons are all lies, or at best, they are severely tainted.


Me: 31
WH (1DumbHusband): 35
Married 5 years, together 7 years.
D-Day: June 17th, 2013
TTs that came out as late as January 2014

"One is not tempted by that he does not want."


Posts: 136 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Dallas, TX
ccw82
♀ Member
Member # 40133
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

rachelc, when he finally confronted me in May about these emails from 2011, believe me...there was no minimalizing! I completely owned up to what I did, called myself a horrible wife, and knew with certainty that what I did was WRONG. I still maintain that what I did was WRONG, with or without his transgressions.


Me: 31
WH (1DumbHusband): 35
Married 5 years, together 7 years.
D-Day: June 17th, 2013
TTs that came out as late as January 2014

"One is not tempted by that he does not want."


Posts: 136 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Dallas, TX
mrmarx
♂ New Member
Member # 38357
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I also asked 1DH that if he knew I was having these emails, and if he actually thought I was having PAs, why did it never bother him enough to confront me?

Just wanted to add in my two cents. My wife suspected the same and never confronted. Not because she didn't care, but for a combination of reasons including denial.


Christ what a year!

Posts: 37 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Aus
Topic Posts: 55
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