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User Topic: All consuming sadness
sad34
♀ Member
Member # 40358
Sad  Posted: 11:08 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know that feeling u get. When u realize your life will never b the same? That your WS who was suppose to have your back, was suppose to b your best friend, was suppose to b your protector has destroyed your life forever?
You might "r" but the trust will never b the same.
For me and the LTA, those years and memories will always b tainted.
My sobs come from my soul, I trusted him so much that its hard to put into words. No matter his faults, his ethics was some thing I never doubted.
My heart hurts:( it's justs hurts!!! And all for what? He got an ego boost!!!! Well thanx lol glad u enjoyed that:(


Bs: me 32 WH: 36
Dday: July 2012
LTA: 4years (ea, pa)
Dd-4. Ds-2
My life is shattered unsure about R

Posts: 140 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: canada
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 11:09 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((sad34)))


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17860 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 11:27 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry, sad. I know your pain all too well.


Me (BS)-45, WW-43
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1458 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
fallingquickly
♀ Member
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 11:31 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand.


Divorced and beginning my new life.


2 Ddays and lots of TT
divorcing

Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken


Posts: 453 | Registered: Aug 2012
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 11:32 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey sad34... I can really relate to your pain and what you are feeling here, with the LTA and the tainted memories. Things can and do get better with time. I'm so sorry you are going through so much hurt right now. Hang in there, and keep posting. We're here to support you. Take care.

Posts: 7562 | Registered: Dec 2010
vivere
♀ Member
Member # 34465
Default  Posted: 11:56 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes Sad34, I know that feeling well. Betrayed just doesn't seem like a strong enough word to encompass all that you are feeling.

Try to find some relief from the 'all consuming sadness' by doing something that you used to love, used to enjoy. Something just for you.

I remember this being so difficult to do but it did give me other things to focus on. Only for short moments initially but with time those shifts in focus got longer and longer.

I still think those things on occasion, but infrequently, and not with the same gut wrenching sense of loss that I had initially.

((sad34))


You are responsible for your own happiness :)

Posts: 316 | Registered: Jan 2012
heartbroken2012
♀ Member
Member # 38089
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel the same.


BS(Me) - 32
WS(HUbbie) - 40
OW - 44 (a ugly, old, white trash horse faced Coworker)
Affair was 2 months long
3 kids - 5yr old, and twins 8 months
Dday - 12/25/12 (lots of signs before I should have seen)

Posts: 551 | Registered: Jan 2013
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me too.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7697 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Iamacrab
Member
Member # 40410
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending you positive thoughts sad34. I too feel the same.

Posts: 103 | Registered: Aug 2013
Spelljean
♀ Member
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Totally get what you are feeling.

Its one tiny inch of improvement every day with miles ahead still.

And even though the multiple ddays were excruciating, at that point, I still never returned to the total depths of despair of my initial dday. Others may disagree, some people have been to hell and back multiple times.

But I feel the same way you do. Like now, nobody has got my back either. Not emotioally, not financially, not in any single way. And you're in a position where you can't just run out and start over yet. You're stuck putting these pieces together one at a time and its frustrating as hell.


WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
OldCow18
♀ Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm right there with you


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
needrespect
♀ Member
Member # 37951
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Feeling the same here. Bless us all.


BS-me 45
WH-40
married 11 yrs, together 15
DS13 DS9
Dday May 2012 EA
False R... Dday#2 11/30/2012 PA same MOW

The opposite of love is not hate ... It is indifference.
Status:%$$&^&^$#@@
seems I'm on the 15 year plan


Posts: 70 | Registered: Dec 2012
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes I do know how you feel. I no longer see my WH as the protector. My WH has betrayed me more than once and someone who does that in my eyes cannot be trusted unfortunately.

I absolutely cannot stand the all consuming sadness. It scares me because I worry about my coping skills and hope that I don't try to cut myself. I get the sadness every week and then I get a few days where I feel completely fine. The rollercoaster is no joke.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
LiedtoLucy
♀ Member
Member # 39246
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Same here.. Worst feeling ever. Don't know how to get past it. I feel your pain.


LTL

Me: BS
Him: WH
OW=UW or Ugly Whore- cow of WH
UW claims to be pregnant w/ WH baby and I HATE her for it.
DDay: 4/23/13
Together: 14 years
Married: 10 years
Kids: 3 beautiful boys. Ages: 8, 4, & 19 months
Trying to R-Some days are


Posts: 177 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Southeastern U.S.
sad34
♀ Member
Member # 40358
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Double post:):

[This message edited by sad34 at 10:05 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)]


Bs: me 32 WH: 36
Dday: July 2012
LTA: 4years (ea, pa)
Dd-4. Ds-2
My life is shattered unsure about R

Posts: 140 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: canada
sad34
♀ Member
Member # 40358
Default  Posted: 10:05 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thank u all for your honesty! To know I'm not alone is a start!


Bs: me 32 WH: 36
Dday: July 2012
LTA: 4years (ea, pa)
Dd-4. Ds-2
My life is shattered unsure about R

Posts: 140 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: canada
undonelife
♀ Member
Member # 38421
Default  Posted: 10:15 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"No matter his faults, his ethics was some thing I never doubted. "

Yep. Right with you. Especially ^^^ this !


Me: BS 53 Him: WH 51
M: 28 years
DDay 11/25/12 TT 9/9/13
OW:20 yrs younger McOW
Kids: 2 teens

Posts: 188 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Dark Hell
Topic Posts: 17

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