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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Crappy surprise after 2 years
thisisnoteasy
♂ New Member
Member # 35129
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So the wife and I are out Sunday night having a nice night. Went to hear a band then were going to go out to another place for some more fun. She was driving and I was attaching her phone to the car for music. A text comes in, and we assumed it was our son letting us know when he needed picking up from a friends....Nope. It was a text from the OM after 2 years of no contact from him. I can't post it online, but it was a 1 sentence text describing what sexual act he would like to perform on her. BOOM!

It looks like it was 'just' a drunken text by this a-hole. Wife was embarrased, I was pissed off (more at him). Good news is we handled it. 2 yrs out and marriage going strong. 20th anniversary next week. We've been battle tested. F this loser. However, if I am honest with myself - I AM PISSED OFF. Imagine if someone said that to your wife in a bar or anywhere else, instead of hiding behind a text (Oh, and he lives 300 mile away). So, again it is ME who has to just vent a little, then bury my emotions after that -because there is not a damn thing I can do. Just makes you angry and very sad that this had to make another appearance in our lives.


ME: BH - 44
Her:FWS - 43
Dday - End of July 2011
3 Kids - 13,14,17 - Married
20 years (together for 24 yrs)

9/4/13 -- found out they have had some texting and phone conversations 2 years into R.


Posts: 35 | Registered: Mar 2012
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How did he get her number?


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17341 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
thisisnoteasy
♂ New Member
Member # 35129
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Same number she has always had.


ME: BH - 44
Her:FWS - 43
Dday - End of July 2011
3 Kids - 13,14,17 - Married
20 years (together for 24 yrs)

9/4/13 -- found out they have had some texting and phone conversations 2 years into R.


Posts: 35 | Registered: Mar 2012
SurprisinglyOkay
♀ Member
Member # 36684
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why didn't you change her number?


FWS me 36 (recovering addict)
BS him 39 AFrayedKnot
Together 7 years
2 children


"Your secrets keep you sick"


Posts: 1130 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: 221B
struggling3
♀ Member
Member # 34671
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We didn't change my H's number either. I never felt the need. If someone wants to make contact they will find a way. I think unless there was continued contact after NC was established then I would do it but other than that I didn't.


Me - BS 55
H - WS 57/very remorseful and supportive
Kids 28, 25, 22
D-Day 8-5-11
discovered 4 month long EA
R - slow and steady but very optimistic

Posts: 310 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
TxsT
♀ Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

THIS.....

Happy Anniversary buddy. I am surprised you didn't throw the phone out of the window!!!

I so, so appreciate your story. I too know that there will be more future attempts at contact from my H's OW....that's because she is still very obsessed with him, very much in love, and does not get why I would want to take him away from her! Hang on a minute.....me taking my own husband back ....how dare I !!!!

In our case the OW lives 4000 miles away in a different country and that has not stopped her from just showing up on our door step I can totally see this whole situation. I am so glad I read your post though because it gives me strength to know that the positive path we are on will just continue to get better.

We are now 1 week away from our 25th anniversary(by marriage)(32 years together) and also 8 days away from our 1 year Dday anniversary. I don't have an A season, his A was far too long for it to be classified as a season. I am glad to read that some people out there actually do make it, and make it well. I feel we will be one of these couples but only time will tell.

Thanks for the post. Sorry for the nasty bump in the road.....I like to call them bumps now. You have every right to BE ANGRY......a good friend who is going through the same thing told me there is nothing to do but bury the pain as a BS. If you don't it is always an open sore. No that's not fair but it is the truth. I have chosen to try and bury the nasty pain as well as I can. Like you I want my loving spouse back.

T

[This message edited by TxsT at 9:32 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday)]


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
thisisnoteasy
♂ New Member
Member # 35129
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Felt no need for her to change her phone#. Like I said, there has been no attempted contact from this guy for about 2 years now, so it really came as a big shock. I know he is a big-time drinker, and it was a saturday on a holiday weekend, so it really does seem like a drunken text, but wow does it smack you right in the face. Trying to control my rage.


ME: BH - 44
Her:FWS - 43
Dday - End of July 2011
3 Kids - 13,14,17 - Married
20 years (together for 24 yrs)

9/4/13 -- found out they have had some texting and phone conversations 2 years into R.


Posts: 35 | Registered: Mar 2012
TxsT
♀ Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It wouldn't matter if you changed your W's number or not. They will find a way if they really want. Our OW stalks me on Linked in and Facebook. I have taken it upon myself to post noing but good, great things and make my social media connections look completely positive. The friends that know laugh. The ones that don't think we are just the cutest couple.

Did you think of responding yourself to the text??????? I actually have, at my husbands request. He wants nothing to do with the scheming person he thought was a caring individual. When he found out what her real agenda was and the manipulation she pulled on him to get him right where she needed him he was even more ashamed that he allowed this to enter our world.

I personally would have responded with......hey you....we don't appreciate you texting my wife with this filth!!! This is her husband "insert your name" she shares EVERYTHING with me now and you aren't part of the equation anymore"

T


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I take it the OM doesn't a BS who the text could be forwarded to? If so, that's unfortunate.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3869 | Registered: Dec 2011
TxsT
♀ Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Tred I like your style. By the sounds of it he might have once had a BS but she wisened up and got the heck out of dodge!

T

[This message edited by TxsT at 9:45 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday)]


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
thisisnoteasy
♂ New Member
Member # 35129
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Actually the OM has been married and divorced twice -- shocking I know! He does run a radically right wing website that I would love to hack :)


ME: BH - 44
Her:FWS - 43
Dday - End of July 2011
3 Kids - 13,14,17 - Married
20 years (together for 24 yrs)

9/4/13 -- found out they have had some texting and phone conversations 2 years into R.


Posts: 35 | Registered: Mar 2012
TxsT
♀ Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG....how did you handle the fact that your wife cheated DOWN??? Mine did too and it is still an issue for me personally. Really screwed with my own self esteem.

T


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hate to ask..but..are you sure this was a random text sent by OM..and not continued contact?

It seems odd that OM would text *that* to your WW..2 years after NC.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7321 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
thisisnoteasy
♂ New Member
Member # 35129
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear ya... all i can say is that there was no history of his # in her phone. We've been managing the whole things pretty well and all I can say is that I'm 99.9% trusting of the fact that this has not been ongoing. I never 'found out' on my own about the affair. It was all her decision to tell me, which does help in the long run I think. Everyone's situation is different, I know.


ME: BH - 44
Her:FWS - 43
Dday - End of July 2011
3 Kids - 13,14,17 - Married
20 years (together for 24 yrs)

9/4/13 -- found out they have had some texting and phone conversations 2 years into R.


Posts: 35 | Registered: Mar 2012
velvethammer
♀ Member
Member # 40437
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We changed his number, blocked all of hers, changed his email address and I blocked her on mine. We also blocked her on facebook. We had to - she couldn't get the NC thing down. Kept texting and emailing and fbing both of us and even took to fbing us from her kids' accounts like they were the ones writing the messages. Sick.

Posts: 110 | Registered: Aug 2013
tryinginmi
♀ Member
Member # 29358
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think a response that any continued contact will be considered harassment and will be turned over to the proper authorities would be an appropriate response.


Me - BW 38
Him - FWH 38
Her - MOW 46 Fat Assed Toothless Man Faced Whore!!!

DD#1 July 28, 2010 Admitted to EA. A went underground.
DD#2 August 19,2010 Admitted PA


Posts: 984 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Michigan
sodamnlost
♀ Member
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hate to ask..but..are you sure this was a random text sent by OM..and not continued contact? It seems odd that OM would text *that* to your WW..2 years after NC.

That was my thought too sadly.


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
TxsT
♀ Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think a response that any continued contact will be considered harassment and will be turned over to the proper authorities would be an appropriate response.

This is exactly what we had to do with our delusional OW. I think it has worked finally. Last time I checked in with her BS he said he thinks she has FINALLY gotten the idea my H wants NOTHING to do with her.

T


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry, thisisnoteasy. Just another piece of proof that OM is someone not worthy of anyone's time or effort.

This has to be a massive trigger, and I hope that you and FWW can work through it together.

Sending big hugs and strength to you both.


It is better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie. -Russian Proverb

Posts: 17076 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Heartbroken2013
♀ Member
Member # 39722
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ohhh your good, I would have thrown a mental fit if I saw that, but then I guess a woman scorned is 10 times worse than a man lol. Maybe now is the time to ask her to change her number!!


Me 45
WH 45
4 kids aged 3 - 25 (2 x adopted in 2013)
Together 15 years
Married 8 years
WH had online cybersex with various sluts!
DD = Nov 23rd 12
In 'R' and getting to a place we never been before

Posts: 123 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: UK
Topic Posts: 67
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