I think alot of WS are conflicted about what they did and wonder about what it means. I think some wonder if they should leave the M even after they have agreed to stay. I imagine this to be something like *I must have been unhappy in a bad M and BS must not be my soul mate because I would not have had the LTA otherwise*
I think its a hard thing for anyone to really look inside them self and find the fault of their actions there. We all usually look outside first and try and place the blame there.
My WW blamed our M. Me. My job. The OM. Circumstances. Environment. Really pretty much everything you can think of. Anything and everything other than herself.
IF your WW is in that place of thinking her LTA was her destiny because she is in a bad M with the wrong person. That could be why she is pulling away.
I also think that some WS see the damage the LTA caused as being too big to ever repair. They see a black cloud or a scarlet A hanging over their heads possibly for the rest of their life. If this is the case she could be having second thoughts about staying in the M. Because it would be easier to just move on.
The truth is that no one really knows whats going on other than your WW. All we can do is to try and be supportive and wait and watch what they do.
My response was going to be, "A WW who is confused and sending mixed signals??? Go figure ... duh!"
me - husband A46
her - wife A42
Married 17 years
D-Day August 2, 2009
3 kids 11, 13, and 15
Anyway, more info would be helpful. Sorry that you had to find the best club you never wanted to join. Sorry you're here, we're glad you made it!
Everything else Razor said is DEAD ON in my case here.
Thank you Razor.
Try to take her place and imagine you are in the same situation, you enjoy the affair so much and AP is considered your soul mate for cry out loud. It's so strong feelings just like you are addictive to cocaine.
What happen when you try to get rid of drugs? yeeeeep, you got piss off and extremely anger and other stuff.
The one you have to stay with(unfortunately it's you the BS buddy) because of any reason, is the enemy who stop you from the dream cure.
Now she wants a family with you because of certain thing she can't give up on( House, security, certainty), and yet she also can't really let go of other man, she may even picturing him every time when you two are having sex.
Tell her how you feel of everything, DO NOT keep it for yourself just to play "I'm tough". No, you are not, It can't go anywhere unless you two could really connect to each other, otherwise there is just doubts and resentment growing slowly and hurt you one day to come in years.
Man up, try to work on you, try to manage to live with or without her. It works for any possible to come, and it could make you attractive again if you keep a certain distant from her.
edited for typos
[This message edited by Feelsmall at 1:15 AM, September 4th (Wednesday)]