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User Topic: Opinions needed please
♀ New Member
Member # 39265
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Folks, looking for your opinions on a situation that is not going away anytime soon it seems!

My partner had a ons with an ex 'friend' & she has never owned up to it & became venomous in the aftermath. I feel I have moved on as in thinking I needed 'her' to at least own her just won't happen!

What I am struggling with is that she is still driving near my home with the excuse that she drops her child off that way to school. There are many other roads for her to go down without cutting down mine.

We all know that if there was any conscience this would not be happening & I would like to think that I was strong enough to not let it bother me, but it does!

So I have drafted a letter, Husband to be drafted one also (basically took out the digs I added to keep it to the point) and wonder if I should send it?

Husband to be has wanted to talk to her husband if he felt the need ( her Husband has his head in the sand it seems) & will do if she continues to come near our home. It's all just such an effed up situation & easy to resolve if she doesn't keep showing her evil head every morning.

Considering she told me in a text to stay away from them ( after I called her BH to inform him) she also blocked me on Facebook which is a deleted account anyway I don't see the logic of driving where she KNOWS I'm also driving my children to school ( different school but around the corner from my home)

Most of you say to ignore, yes I do...but I see behind my super big sunglasses I just think she is the one breaching her own request!

This is what I have written

To ex friend
It would be appreciated if you stop driving near our home! I have suggested this via text & seems to have gone unnoticed by you.
It shows lack of character & is not asking anything that would inconvienience you by taking a different route ie (M Ave or any other road other than near our home & would be quicker for you also)

Unfortunately there are consequences for poor & inappropriate behaviour, please realise that you are not immune to these! No one is!
You did state in a previous text to me that WE stay out of your life (which WE have by not driving 'intentionally' past or near your Family's home) now please consider your OWN request by staying away!!!
If you choose to ignore this request I will then consider it stalking, obviously in the hopes of seeing my partner or myself!
I would then also assume you take great pleasure out of this situation, which then confirms the likely hood you hold sociopathic personality traits.

I imagine you will sport a fair 'eye roll' moment reading this but that is completely expected from someone with no iota of integrity! I'm sure you would understand/possibly get it(?) had the situation been reversed.

No further factual information need be passed onto your betrayed Husband if you'll kindly respect our request.

No need to reply, your 'actions' will speak volumes!!!

Had to add a few digs, come on

4 DD's
DD 2012
New life started march 2014, false R! Still on the rollercoaster but will ride it out until the end.....because that's just how I roll

Posts: 48 | Registered: May 2013
♀ Member
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd sent it to her husband. She won't care and might get off on the fact it bothers you so much. He might actually do something with it.

Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2244 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I kind of agree with purplejacket. I would think that if anyone should be notified, it would be the AP's BH. In that case, you might want to reword the letter to whittle it down to the bare facts.

Another thing that I have done is written letters that I have never sent. Felt good just to get the words out!

Either way, I hope she backs off and stops driving past your house. That is very creepish.

Let us know what you decide to do and how it pans out.

Posts: 7555 | Registered: Dec 2010
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 9:27 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The letter is pretty angry and judgmental. You draw conclusions that aren't warranted by facts. Worse, it's also very weak, since there really isn't much you can do about this. Finally, you give her lots of info about how you feel and get nothing for her. I can't imagine this letter will give you any help toward healing (though drafting it is a step toward something that can help).

I know you think very little of this woman's H, but you should out the A to him regardless of how is W behaves now. Outing her is a consequence of cheating, not of driving by your house.

It would probably be a lot better for you to express your anger straight and strong on paper - and then not mail it, because you just don't want to give her any info at all about you.

[This message edited by sisoon at 9:35 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)]

fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10383 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
♀ New Member
Member # 39265
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Appreciate all of your opinions
I don't have an email address for her betrayed husband but do have a work phone number, although not sure he is still there?

Sisoon I have written many many angry letters to this ow & never have sent them on.....thank goodness! I do understand my heavy opinions of her are stamped in this letter but I DO know her well enough & been out with her enough times to even see it in action
I really like her husband, actually told his wife to pull her socks up & stop cheating on him. He told me that he has almost put a PI on her because he suspected in the past.

This is a woman that has left in the middle of dinners to go & give a BJ in a car to a young guy from the football club, this is a woman that I have stepped into an elevator with & witnessed pushing the only male in it up against the mirror to kiss him.....the guy had just walked in! There's lots more but I do feel she fits the digs.

Regardless I understand I sound threatening (it's unfortunately the 'new' me) & need to work something out! I don't think I need to see her daily when she is actually asking that 'I' stay away.........just soo pissed off sorry if I'm not making sense

4 DD's
DD 2012
New life started march 2014, false R! Still on the rollercoaster but will ride it out until the end.....because that's just how I roll

Posts: 48 | Registered: May 2013
♀ New Member
Member # 39265
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh & I did call her Husband & inform him of the ons but she refuses to own any of her indiscretions. I assume his head is in the sand even after asking if he would like to talk to my husband. There's been no follow up so I'm guessing he believes whatever story she has come up with

4 DD's
DD 2012
New life started march 2014, false R! Still on the rollercoaster but will ride it out until the end.....because that's just how I roll

Posts: 48 | Registered: May 2013
Topic Posts: 6

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