I know what you are going through, and it is hard, but you have realize that what your BS is doing, is most likely the best thing for her.
^^THIS.
The advice for you is the same as the advice for a BS who is yearning for their WS.
Shift your focus away from her and winning her back or saving your M and pour it into yourself. Into living your life to the fullest. Into healing and growing from this.
Do this so that you are OK no matter what her decision is.
You may have read in this forum many of us consider our WS's total lack of remorse to be a a gift. A very very painful and agonising gift but a gift nonetheless.
If this is in fact a dealbreaker for her it has nothing to do with you, how much she loves/loved you nor how hard you've worked.
It simply is.
When I was in a 3m False R I asked for a year-long S after we sold the house. I wanted to separate everything and I also even wanted to divorce and talked about changing my name.
He begged, pleaded and put a huge amount of pressure on me to reconsider.
I couldn't. Part of it was wanting to show him and myself that I wasn't afraid to do this. But that wasn't my core reason.
My core reason was I wanted to set a blowtorch to that M and start again. From scratch. I wanted a year apart so we could each build new lives for ourselves and if we decided we wanted to be together after that it would be because we wanted to, not because of fear or habit or just holding onto our M with all of our fingers and toes.
I needed to see what choices he would make when he was completely free to make them. When the consequences he was so desperately trying to avoid became reality.
I had my answer pretty much within days. I was right to stick to my guns.
Don't set out to prove anything to her - set out to prove it to yourself. If you are a changed man then live it.
Work on detaching from her. I think BS can be cake-eaters too.
I didn't accept that this was a dealbreaker for me until final S. I raged against it, I didn't want it to be but it was. I would have done a fair share of cake eating during that year of separation (not by cheating but by using him emotionally whilst I detached).
I was forever changed by this. That is something he never really understood. He vocalised it but didn't understand it.
You cannot control what she does or what decisions she makes. You can control yourself. Shift your focus there. You will reap the rewards and so will your kids. If your W does decide she wants to get back you will be in a healthier place and can make that decision with a healthy heart, mind and soul.
If she never makes that decision you would have healed enough to recover the right way and you'll be rewarded with living a healthy, authentic life.
I think a lot of BS early into this would be able to relate to what you're going through. You want your BS to 'wake up' and you want to see her fight for the M. The anger you are feeling is deep hurt that she isn't.
Most BS here have been there. How we got here changes some of it in some cases but in reality those core feelings are the same. Limbo isn't good for anyone - it is toxic to everyone. Don't stay stuck there too long.