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User Topic: Has anyone had a breakdown over all this?
♀ Member
Member # 33581
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes. I had a breakdown during my first experience with infidelity in the late 90's. I attempted suicide several times and damn near succeeded once. I came to in a hospital room after having my stomach pumped and found myself handcuffed to the bed. In Texas it is against the law to attempt to kill yourself. I was involuntarily committed to the Psych ward (locked ward) twice. I talked my way out both times.

I remember feeling like I was being bar-be-cued alive. My skin literally felt like it was boiling. The pain was intense and unrelenting. I totally lost it.

Eventually, I worked my way back and now can't believe I let myself become so deranged over an abusive, alcoholic asshole.

The memories of that time have helped me keep my sanity during this go round with a different husband.

Please keep asking for help. Take meds if you have to. It is so much better than ending up in a locked room without your shoelaces.

(((((HUGS))))) to you OC.

If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5

Posts: 1037 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Kailua-Kona, HI
♀ Member
Member # 38899
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I outed OW to her BH. They Divorced, had to sell their house, (court ordered). Ow's husband helped me,(my children and my new-born son), through the most difficult time in my life. BUT... he lied, about his own mental state, and ended up hospitalized, with a "nervous break-down".( while his W and My H, were enjoying a bubble bath at a hotel in NH. according to recites!) I probably had one too, but with four small kids, hospitalization was a "luxury", I couldn't afford.

Medication saved my life though. I have no doubt. We all have different "thresholds". I ignored mine, and so did OW's BH. Please don't ignore yours, if you can help it, (which I felt I couldn't, for too long).

[This message edited by Safeguard at 3:28 PM, September 4th (Wednesday)]

"since your actions don't match your words, excuse me while I stop believing you."

Posts: 143 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ Member
Member # 33057
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please everyone, be careful with your health. I know it's easier said than done but I am speaking from my own experience.

Like a lot of you, I almost had a breakdown and eventually thought I was handling things ok until I became critically ill and ended up in the hospital for 3 months, one month in critical care. Every test they ran came back negative, there was no physical reason for me to have gotten so sick. Eventually a couple of my docs asked if I was under any undue stress, for how long, and what my symptoms were. When I told them, they said that based on that and since what happened to me "shouldn't" have, they feel that my immune system may have been severely compromised and set a chain of events that led to my illness. It's been over a year later and I'm still trying to recover completely. So PLEASE, talk to people who care about you, see a doctor if you think you need to and follow what they say. Don't go through this alone.

Me - BS
Him - WH
Married 30 Years
D-Day #1 August 17, 2010
D-Day #2 October 19, 2010
D-Day #3 February 12, 2011

Posts: 299 | Registered: Aug 2011
♂ Member
Member # 40199
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think most of us are suffering from a form of PTSD. I've had panic attacks,suffered from sleep deprivation and lost 30+ pounds I din't need or want to loose.

There is even one day missing from my life memories. I do not remember the day after discovery. The shrink says I entered something similar to a fugue state where the body was on automatic pilot while my mind was shut down to protect itself from the shock.

I am now taking Zoloft and Xanax and feel a little better.

All I can say is hang in there. Everyone on this site has been so supportive and caring. I have no doubt I would be in the hospital today if I had not found this site.

Me–BS age 61
Her -- WS age 59
Married for 34 years
One child, 30yrs

Her 'A' 1994(?) through 1998
D-Day 7/4/2013 Yes, I didn't find out for almost 15 years... but the pain is just as bad as if she were with him last week.

Posts: 120 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Near Houston Texas
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I think about how I was for the 2 months after dday it is frightening.

Somehow I went to work everyday, even the day after dday, got thru the day and drove home like a crazy person, 80 mph, weaving and of course crying.

Then I would get home and cry and scream all night. I mean a primal scream from the gut for hours. I lost my voice, could barely speak but still screamed every night.

Maybe 2 hours of sleep a night.

Not eating at all. I lost 40 lbs in 8 weeks.

I don't know how I survived, I did feel suicidal.

I was so alone, only saw people at work and just secluded myself in my house.

If anyone had seen me they probably would have insisted I go to the emergency room.

If it were not winter with the windows closed the neighbors would have probably called the police.

Don't suffer like that, get help if you need it. I look back and wonder why didn't I help myself?

"So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key"

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie


Posts: 1418 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You could probably call it a breakdown. I didn't work for 3 months. I had panic attacks when I left the house. Weeks where I only got out of bed to go on the porch to smoke cigarettes. I had some serious neck and eye twitches. My body would shake. I would rock back and forth talking to myself. One day I found myself pacing around the garage testing the beams to see if they were strong enough to hang myself on. I probably could have used meds. Time and communication and hard work is what got me through.

BS 40
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2628 | Registered: Aug 2012
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Baby steps

Just try to get through 1 minute. Then 1 hour. Don't overwhelm yourself with thought of next week, next month. You need to rest a lot. Try Xanax, Zoloft, deep breaths.

Talk to your friends and family as long as they can stand to listen to it. Get help to care for your kids, if you have them. Have someone take care of you if you can, so you can lie in bed and cry- because you need to let it out.

Read. SOmeone gave me the advice that you should read everything you can on the topic. Because you are going to be thinking about it non-stop anyway. Knowledge is power.

One book said, Try to set aside a certain amount of time each day to grieve and think about it and then set aside time not to think about it.

p.s. to whoever said they pooped 10 times a day....OMG too!

Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
♀ Member
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Like everything everyone here has posted. almost a whole year after Dday.

Esp the part about going to the doctor and saying some big long rant all in one breath, falling apart and saying just put me in the hospital now I can't take anymore.

Mine says "sure you can, you've been through worse, trust me".

Yay for meds! I know a lot of people who advocate talking, therapy, exercise, self-care, etc. but none of that was working for me. Hope you find some relief VERY soon.

Posts: 556 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ Member
Member # 39201
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think that 'might' be in the mist of one now.

I can barely get out of bed and when I do it is go outside and smoke. I have lost my job.

I self medicate with leftover pain meds from surgery mixed with alcohol to get to sleep, then I only sleep for a few hours.

I find no joy in seeing my adult kids nor my grand kids.

My fucking prick of a motherfucking bastard of a spouse does nothing but tell me to 'pull myself from my boot straps". How about I beat you with those boot straps?

I cry all the time. can't concentrate of anything for more than a few minutes at a time, have panic attacks, blah, blah, blah

Have an appointment to see a Dr the end of this month. I need something to help cope with this fucking mess I call my life.

Me: BS 47
Him:WH 55
M: 27 yrs
DD 4/29/13
3 kids (25,23,22

Posts: 82 | Registered: May 2013
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This thread should be required reading for anyone contemplating an A.

me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1:
Episode 2:

Posts: 7092 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
♀ Member
Member # 39987
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am going tomorrow to the dr for STD testing and hopefully AD meds. I feel so overwhelmed with what my WH has done before and since our separation last week it boggles my mind. Now that D is unavoidable I am freaking out about my future - I have been a SAHM for 15 years! We live a life that I will NEVER be able to replicate for our sons. I find myself sitting and just zoning off into space reliving conversations and wondering how the F did it go so wrong? I know I should be getting my ducks in a row but it is just so hard to function. I even fantasized about using one of his shotguns on myself. I wouldnt do that to my boys but the temptation to end this pain is there.

Me - 40
WH - 42
Married 18 years
kids - 14, 12
DD - May 13, 2013
DD2 - Aug 4, 2013
DD3 - Aug 27, 2013
Status - Legally separated; really wanted R but don't think that is possible anymore

Posts: 103 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Southern Indiana
♀ Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This thread should be required reading for anyone contemplating an A.

You are not kidding.

I'm so sorry we are all feeling/felt this level of pain, but it is comforting to know that I'm not crazy for feeling it. WH just has NO IDEA the level of pain I have been in since d-day.

[This message edited by OldCow18 at 8:33 PM, September 4th (Wednesday)]

Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I stopped sleeping and eating for almost two whole months. Got down to a size 0 from a 6/8. If I did fall asleep with the help of some kind of tea or melatonin, I would wake up with panic attacks from the nightmares and then not be able to sleep again. Spent a lot of time sobbing in the fetal position on the floor. I couldn't take extra stimulus; if someone tried to talk to me about something I couldn't handle, I would literally have to cover my ears and walk away. Hardly went a day the first three months without crying for at least most of it.

Contemplated suicide off and on for those first three months as well. I got so bad emotionally that my dog started wetting the bed and is still not 100% house trained again.

But the worst part of all of it was that it gave me amnesia. I couldn't remember the last 10 years. I would see a photo of us and recognize that that was me and that we had gone to that place/on that vacation... but I couldn't remember anything about it. It took at least 8 weeks to get about 75% of my memory back. I'm still working on it.

When I saw a "new" photo of him with his niece a couple of weeks after DDay, I vomited. I saw him as a predator.

Went into daily IC (thank god my insurance had unlimited visits with copay). I was diagnosed with PTSD. Because it was situational and I had no other history of needing IC, etc., they didn't prescribe any meds. We worked on breathing exercises and talk therapy. I'm now incorporating yoga into the mix.

Next week will be in my 4th month since DDay#2. I've NCed the entire time and stuck to it. It saved me.

I can honestly say that I know I will make it now. I sleep more or less fine. I'm gaining some of the weight back (about 5-10lbs). I cry maybe three or four times a week and that's it. I have triggers and bad moments, but I work through them.

And I wouldn't have made it if I hadn't surrounded myself with friends and family. They really stepped up and kept me going. Reaching out was the best thing I did in all of this.

BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 11:15 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Speaking of memory gaps, I too have them. If was too much trauma at once. Its like I stopped existing for a time. It is ptsd.

BS - Me
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking

Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
♀ Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 12:12 AM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was so broken I was diagnosed with 10 official PTSD symptoms. My anti D meds are called pristique type of med and I had no side affects. They do not dope you up, I just feel more level, happier.

No need for a shrink.....try the drugs first.


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!

Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
♀ Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 2:14 AM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes I did. I was self harming and wanted to die. I wasn't sleeping, I couldn't function. My life fell apart. I saw my doctor and begun AD and had to have 2 weeks off work.

2 years out now things are much better. I am glad I didn't end it all when I really felt that was the only option I had left.

Please if you are feeling this way see your doctor or call a help line. You won't always feel like this, even though it feels like it will never get better. It will in time. Please take care of yourself.

"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1358 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
♂ Member
Member # 33574
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think that anyone that has given himself/herself completely to their wife/husband and who has been betrayed through infidelity will either have a breakdown or come close to it. This is without doubt hard shit but it is critical to remember that the way it is today isn't the way it will always be. The pain subsides and, with work, the sun will shine again. Trust that you will laugh again, live again and love again. Note that I am speaking from experience.

Posts: 236 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Central Pennsylvania
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, for the first time in my life I contemplated (briefly) suicide to escape the pain.

This should definitely be required reading.

BS - Me
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking

Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH just has NO IDEA the level of pain I have been in since d-day.

He absolutely should!!!

I made my fWS experience every second of it. I described it in detail every second along the way, all the mind movies, all the suicidal fantasies, all the confusion and contradictions going on in my head. She deserved to know all of the "fun" that she caused.

BS 40
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2628 | Registered: Aug 2012
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I had several breakdowns after Dday and some pockets of lost time. For a time, I didn't know the day or time and there was a sense of unreality about the world. Time and days kept changing anyway and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Concentration and focus would not come and the tears would not stop-it was like I couldn't control my own mind.

So...the first bits of turning this around came from within. Counseling I went to for over a year and though I listened, it was not always helpful. I found some things to do for myself that eventually poked through the purple haze that I was in. Here are a few:

By some mistake, I learned that by reaching in for my senses, I could bring my mind into reality...I think food I smelled one day was really strong and snapped my thoughts to the present-so after that day, I worked to find ways to reach any of my senses that would reach back.

Mixing heat and cold started to help, like a shower or bath that was hot and then a very cold drink-opposites-my mind would fluxuate when I felt one sensation or the other and then I would mix it with smell, like soap. It was the very first glimpse of coming back from the hell that my mind was in.

There are some other things I did in that regard, on having to do with sound, and small indulgences, but I'm getting long again.

I did not have the meds for very long because of the side effects and single parenting, so I've had to do this on my own.

These steps helped me immensely and I believe that recovery can come without meds, but with knowledge-I also appreciate that meds help when they are understood.

I used to have Ativan for panic and now have a game I play with myself where when panic comes and I didn't have an Ativan, and got through it, I would reward myself in a small way. That became very important for me and a goal.

Ativan is very good for this, but if you ask for it x amount of times, they often will call you in for evaluation and stop just prescribing it. The rules for these pills are being changed, so that it's harder to get them, which is good.

The last thing I was going to say is one other thing that helped me-my own realization that I made the relationship more important than my own life and I shouldn't have. I made him more important than me, so that I lost myself in the marriage and I know that now.

Nor will I ever do it again.

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
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