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User Topic: Lies, lies, lying, liar! Why?? ugh!
julesinpain
♀ Member
Member # 36746
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, I thought we were making some progress. Moving forward finally some. My husband goes out of town for work for the week. I discover he lies to me about stupid stuff. Why?? Why?? why??!!!!

He always books his hotel from home before he leaves. I noticed he had not even looked hotels up yet before leaving and I questioned him about it. He got weirdly defensive and said "Fine I will book before I go" "I was just going to get the room when I got there"
So he gets onto the computer looking up different sites for this hotel he stays in all the time. Just before he leaves he tells me "They did not have any rooms available"

So of course after he leaves I look up the hotel at the sites I saw him on and guess what! They had rooms available.

Now I know he was meeting our guy friends that night in the place he was going to. He ended up telling me he was hoping our guy friend would invite him to stay the night so he did not have to pay for the hotel that night. Um okay, but WHY lie to me about that in the first place!! Stupid lie!!!

I also discovered he told me he was still working on the job at 7:00, when I knew for a fact he had already gone back to the hotel room by 3:00. I asked if he had gone back to the hotel at all for lunch or nap or whatever. He tells me he never goes back to the hotel until he is done or he is afraid he wouldn't go back to work. Well I knew for a fact he had indeed gone back to the hotel and was NOT working right then! Not sure why he thought he should lie about it. Maybe he got off early, but wanted me to think he was working really hard still? I don't know, but I would rather he NOT lie. He works really hard for us, and I wouldn't care if he was able to leave the job early. I do however care that he lied again about nothing!!! :( There were a couple other little lies too!

When i asked him about lying to me in person, he looks so inocently into my eyes and lies straight out to me, that he is not lying. Then I showed him the proof on some of it.

When I asked why he is lying about this stuff that he doesn't need to lie to me about, he just says "I don't know" That is it!! That is all the answer I get!

WTH!! How is he supposed to build my trust if he continues to lie about little things!! How am I supposed to believe he is not still lying about bigger and affair things!

The good news is didn't discover any cheating, emails, chats, ect or inapproriate other stuff. Just the stupid lies!

Not sure what to do about his continued lies!! How can I ever trust what comes out of his mouth!! I am so frustrated and confused!


Me 44
WH 46
DDay 1 8/22/08
DDay 2 9/22/10
DDay 3 12/22/10 same OW each time. (so called friend)
To many TT's to count, last one Jan. 2013 ugh!
Married 21 years, together 23
4 amazing children, 2DS 2DD
Working on it!

Posts: 153 | Registered: Sep 2012
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How can I ever trust what comes out of his mouth!!

As long as he's choosing to lie about everything and anything, you can't trust him.


Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.

Posts: 13807 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I asked why he is lying about this stuff that he doesn't need to lie to me about, he just says "I don't know"

I had this problem with my Ex. Sometimes he would lie about the stupidest stuff - stuff that made no sense to lie about. That is when I knew he had a real problem and I would not live the rest of my life like that.

I couldn't stand the "I don't know" or "I don't remember" answers either.


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2177 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Boy I bet your guts are screaming about all of that. I used to ask my spouse all the time, "where are you staying?" when he'd travel. He'd say, "oh the usual hotel, the admin staff booked it."

Uh huh. He stayed at OW's place.

Anywho. Lying can be a deeply ingrained, kneejerk reaction. It can be partly conflict avoidance, or it can really be a cover up for continued cheating. I required my FWH to seek help for this in IC as a requirement that I remain in the marriage.

He won't stop lying on his own. He'll need external help with it.

Do you have consequences for these lies? They are pretty major.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6549 | Registered: Jan 2011
sodamnlost
♀ Member
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 5:05 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And *THIS* is the final straw that broke this camel's back and gave her the nuts to file for divorce today. When I am discovering new lies every week, CURRENT ones even - STUPID ones - what tiny sliver of trust I had is just GONE. I have no idea what this man is capable of. Oh but he's "REALLY TRYING".


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 769 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There's just no trying. Only doing.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6549 | Registered: Jan 2011
wontdefineme
♀ Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When they lie to keep their lives to themselves, then that is when they need to figure out if they want marriage or to be single.

Mine chose to lie, so I chose to have my own life to myself and not have to worry about what was a lie and who he was doing!

As far as finding evidence, if he is lying about hotel rooms and times at work, then he is probably lying about other things too.


Posts: 2175 | Registered: Mar 2011
Topic Posts: 7

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