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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Tragedies
floridaredman
♂ Member
Member # 15122
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Last year about this time my first cousin was shot 7 times, leaving him paralyzed from the neck down. He was also HIV positive. He passed away about 2 weeks ago and we had his memorial this past Saturday.

He was a character. Always getting into trouble, but he was a lovable person as odd as that may seem. He was almost like a brother to me as we grew up together. We just chose different roads as we got older.

I will miss him.

My BIL left my sister after 25 years of marriage last week.
He had been carrying on a double life. Come to find out he has been with other women the entire marriage. One lived just 4 or 5 blocks away. My sister is devastated and their kids are crushed.
He has gone back to his home state, but isn't too welcomed there.
It hurt and angers me because he was like a brother to me. All I can do now is be there for my sister.

12 years ago this month I came back to my wife after leaving her for another woman.

I am ashamed of that time. I am ashamed of all the hurt and pain I caused.

It saddens me that I was so selfish and so callous.

It saddens me that I was the cause of a tragedy.

I would like to think that I have redeemed myself, but really redemption is a continual entity when matched to infidelity. I redeem myself everyday I stay faithful and accountable. It's MY reality.
Tragedies come and go and I am sure that these tragedies will be overcame.

What's important is that we do overcome them and don't become a tragedy ourselves.

FRM

[This message edited by floridaredman at 2:46 PM, September 4th (Wednesday)]


The simplest thing can be the hardest thing to do....FRM

Posts: 2537 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Florida
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Life can be so sad sometimes, and it sure makes us think.

Time is fleeting and sometimes that scares me. Life, death, love, loss, redemption. It is overwhelming at times.

Thanks for the food for thought and for sharing this with us.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 2:48 PM, September 4th (Wednesday)]


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38093 | Registered: Sep 2007
TxsT
♀ Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for reminding me that. Although I feel my mountains are so high, other people's are higher.

T


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
floridaredman
♂ Member
Member # 15122
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for your post AN


The simplest thing can be the hardest thing to do....FRM

Posts: 2537 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Florida
SandAway
♀ Member
Member # 37775
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


It saddens me that I was so selfish and so callous.

It saddens me that I was the cause of a tragedy.

I would like to think that I have redeemed myself, but really redemption is a continual entity when matched to infidelity.

Such true words.

It truly is amazing how quickly life can change. For us or someone we know. Sorry to hear about your cousin and your sister. Strength to you FRM


fWW
BH Tred
M 16yrs
DDay Nov. 2011

Guns don't kill people; Affairs kill people


Posts: 439 | Registered: Dec 2012
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FRM...

I think we all struggle with obstacles and failures we encounter along the way....no one is immune to it.

I also think much of how we handle them and work through them is what makes us so much better as human beings in the long run

I'm glad you came here to share your feelings


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 198332 | Registered: May 2002
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We never know what life holds, what is around the next corner.

I guess we need to appreciate what is in front of us, appreciate those that we love and love us.

I am impressed that you have the ability to still reach out to help others in the midst of your own struggles.

That shows a great strength of character and a compassionate heart.

Sending prayers for your sister and her family.

Thank you.


"So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key"

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

Divor


Posts: 1428 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
uncertainone
♀ Member
Member # 28108
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He was a character. Always getting into trouble, but he was a lovable person as odd as that may seem. He was almost like a brother to me as we grew up together. We just chose different roads as we got older.

Doesn't seem odd at all. So sorry for your loss. It's such a heart tug when you see the adult struggling yet remember the boy you laughed and played with. One in the same yet different.

Then your sister's heartbreak and tough time of year.

Wishing strength and peace for you.


Me: 37

'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth


Posts: 6795 | Registered: Mar 2010
floridaredman
♂ Member
Member # 15122
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SA

It truly is amazing how quickly life can change. For us or someone we know.

So true. Life is just that way. It changes. Good and bad..life is just that way.

Thanks for posting


I think we all struggle with obstacles and failures we encounter along the way....no one is immune to it.

I also think much of how we handle them and work through them is what makes us so much better as human beings in the long run

Very true words DS. Thanks for those words of wisdom.


We never know what life holds, what is around the next corner.
I guess we need to appreciate what is in front of us, appreciate those that we love and love us.

cantaccept

Yes..well said. I have learned that life is too short to be too selfish. We do have to appreciate what we have and who we have.
We can't let life's valleys stop us from moving mountains

Doesn't seem odd at all. So sorry for your loss. It's such a heart tug when you see the adult struggling yet remember the boy you laughed and played with. One in the same yet different.

UO,

That is exactly it. The memories of what was and then what it all became.

Thank you so much for your post


The simplest thing can be the hardest thing to do....FRM

Posts: 2537 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Florida
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 12:00 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

redemption is a continual entity

it always is, that's where character is developed.

I'm sorry for all this turbulence, i know how it seems so meaningless at times, you know as I do that we just aren't built to understand ALL things, as much as we try.

FRM, You deserve good things.

you and yours will be in my prayers tonight.

Thank you and take care


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2407 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:14 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((frm)))

I think redemption is a continual entity regardless of the act. We're all in the same boat - we can only make our reality as good as we can from today forward.

I appreciate you, and I'm really sorry about your cousin and your sister.

[This message edited by Jrazz at 2:41 PM, September 6th (Friday)]


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17860 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 12:16 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will miss him.

Can more be asked?

When I "shed this mortal coil", I will not be concerned about my fame, nor my fortune. Merely, the people that I have left behind who will say the same.

I grieve for you.

Strength


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2999 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 12:26 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FRM,

I just want you to know that through everything that you have already personally overcome, you were able to be a beacon of strength and hope to my wife and I when we first joined this site, and we were both so hopeless.

I know everything that you and your family are dealing with is so hard right now, but I am confident that you all will get through it, as individuals, and as a family.

I am so sorry for the tragic loss of your cousin, and everything that your sister and her family are going through.

That cousin of yours, and the love and memories that you had of each other will be part of you forever.

Returning some of that strength to you that you have sent to me and my family.

Take care.

Losfer


Posts: 7565 | Registered: Dec 2010
floridaredman
♂ Member
Member # 15122
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

stilllovingher,Jrazz,5454real,
LosferWords

Thank you all for your well wishes. It's good to get encouragement and strength when life throws you curve balls.
I am positive and hopeful that things will be ok.

My cousin made peace with everyone he could before he passed on. He use to move around so much, but being paralyzed, he could only lay in bed as family came and showed their love to him.

He suffered a bit in his last days because I don't think he wanted to leave, but it was his time to go.

My sister is moving forward and showing strength even though I know she is in pain.


You guys are right about character. Good character seems to be built by traveling
rough roads and making it through them. We will make it through this as will everyone who continues on the right path. No matter how rough that path may get.

Thank you all for giving me strength


The simplest thing can be the hardest thing to do....FRM

Posts: 2537 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Florida
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FRM,
I have been moved by the wisdom you've shared with others. I've been equally moved by the compassionate way you posted. This compassion did not lessen its impact or the truth you were conveying.

I too believe in redemption. Redemption is a continual entity that is powerful and beautiful.

I am sorry for your loss, your sister's loss.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 4000 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
cinnamongurl
♀ Member
Member # 37879
Default  Posted: 10:44 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Timely post, FRM! Last weekend was one year since the s*** hit the fan, and this journey for BSO and I to find our way back to one another truly began. It has been a long difficult road, in the beginning there were so many downs and wrong turns, so much pain and hurt. But over time, and a lot of work (ongoing of course) things have slowly improved.

About a month ago, after over a year of sleeping in separate rooms, he invited me back to our bed.

Last week he con verted my "bedroom" into an office, switched out the old futon we had shared for the better part of 7 yrs (not counting the past year), folded it into couch position in the office, and set up a new bed in our bedroom.

Tuesday we had a deep heart to heart and he told me he truly forgave me. I was (still am) over the moon happy, grateful, and in complete awe of his kindness and love!

Wed morning I went to work, was driving home when my phone rang... it was my next door neighbor, hysterical... her best friend of almost 30 yrs and her partner at work for almost that entire time, had left work that morning sick, went home, locked the doors, and went to bed. At 12:30, his wife came home for lunch, and found him, dead. Heart attack, he was 47.

Bittersweet week. Tragic loss and deep spiritual gain. This past week was life changing on so many levels.

The important theme that keeps popping in my mind, is to be grateful for today, and never take anything for granted .


Me: 36 fWGF He: 35 BBF and my heart
Together 18 yrs. Many ddays, last one late 8/12 "Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it." Tori Amos



Posts: 513 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: home with my heart.
floridaredman
♂ Member
Member # 15122
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Brandon.Your post is much appreciated. Thank you for your insightful postings.


The simplest thing can be the hardest thing to do....FRM

Posts: 2537 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Florida
devasted30
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks to everyone for such wonderful stories and words of encouragement.
My heart is heavy today, but there is still room there for me to help carry your pain.
Thinking of anyone who is suffering today - no matter why and hoping that they find the strength to make it through today. I, myself, hope to do that and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.
One day at a time.
One hour at a time.
One minute at a time.
One second at a time.


And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!

Posts: 1325 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
floridaredman
♂ Member
Member # 15122
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

cinnamongurl Thank you for your post. It's good to hear from people who have experienced the Same or likewise circumstances and are prevailing. Thank you for the encouragement.


The simplest thing can be the hardest thing to do....FRM

Posts: 2537 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Florida
cinnamongurl
♀ Member
Member # 37879
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you devastated!
One day at a time.
One hour at a time.
One minute at a time.
One second at a time.

^^this!!!! This is what gets me by!! I'm sorry your heart is so heavy!

Frm, you're most welcome. thank you for sharing your struggles. I'm so sorry for the recent tragedies. you and your loved ones have had to face.

Though life can be so unbelievably trying and sometimes seem so dark, there's always a brighter side, and there's always something to be grateful for. I try each day to find a few things im grateful for and either write them down or file them away in my mind for those darker times. It really helps me find the light again.

Hoping you soon find that light again and that it shines down brightly upon you and yours.


Me: 36 fWGF He: 35 BBF and my heart
Together 18 yrs. Many ddays, last one late 8/12 "Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it." Tori Amos



Posts: 513 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: home with my heart.
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