let this stop me from writing . Just when i thought i had the whole truth i find that i've been lied to for 4 months about who the OW was she wasn't a random girl that picked him up at the bar it was a co-worker that shoved herself into our marriage all the while with her soon to be fiance (just a BF at the time) he lied why cause hes an idiot ! he we scared and didnt want more drama at work well buddy you under estimated me ! i found very little proof just one text but something he couldnt deny and he came out with it i have to say i went to legal to file and had him out the house and i was getting things together to leave but not before she knew who i was i couldnt keep it together and i sent a message to her her BH and to her command and though she is kicked out the company she didnt lose rank like my WH because he never denied the charges and she did . i hate where i am and its all his fault he brought me back to day one and any little trust i had he blew it out the water and he knows that hes trying his darnedest way diff than DDay and now i see the difference . he has a lot of work because im not settling and he knows that now and hes more invested in me and my feelings and he is changing himself and searching himself i told him if he cant work on himself we wont work that i cant take anymore bullshit on his end that hes used up his last bullshit card i tell him i dont believe him and he understands that i havent lifted a finger since that day because i just cant bring myself to focus on house work and so he handles it all . he no longer asks me to wash his clothing he does it and hes doing all the talking because im mute i dont even bring shit up like i use to mostly because i dont feel the need to anymore i know who she is and the nature of it all everything is just well meaningless in my mind just more shit to think about and i got what i was searching for (her identity) she is an ugly person manly butch what have you . ( its funny how he saw her as pretty and skinny ) yeah no shes not skinny and she was pretty cause she made you feel like you were the shit . looking at her now he sees it though he said he always knew I was way better ......im not thinking im above other women but im not ugly duckling i can get however i wanted and he knows that and i know that which i guess is why i dont feel the need to stray because if i wanted i could end us and not worry where the next person is going to come from sure she isnt hideous but nothing stood out shes just ehhh .
I guess in a way seeing her helped in a little way im better looking and i have a better body she had a kid (i had two kids) Im actually slimmer than her . I have what many would say "exotic" face whatever that means and shes just ehhhh not pretty just blah and that kinda feel good cause she knows what i look like and it has everyone thinking WH your fucking crazy
so im working on things but not as hard as before did a part of me give up???? idk maybe i really just feel calm about it all now that she is no where near him numbers are changed and the company ordered no contact for either parties or they will see action ( kind of hope she will break it so i can bring her ass in again) but doubtful she wants her career and they are both wishing they never met .
WH hears about her and cringes says shit like
" that bitch" " that mistake" "ugliest person on the planet"" i cant believe what ive done" " i dont care for the bitch she can rot" "lowest point in my life , she is the rock bottom"
whats this sense of calm though any thoughts ?