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Newest Member: Rdoranjr (45348)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I'm hurt and so confused!
♂ Member
Member # 39357
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First and foremost, I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles. Clearly, trying to reason with him has not proven to be too successful, so now it's time you take action. He IS lying to you. He IS having an affair with this "poor girl." The fact that he would go so far as to make you question your sanity just to protect this "poor girl" is the ultimate slap to the face and you should take it as such. It's time to get angry and it's time to take action. You haven't worked so hard all these years to be abused at a time in your life when you should be enjoying yourself the most. There is a saying here that makes perfect sense: "you must be willing to lose your marriage if you wish to save it." You MUST start gathering information - not just about the affair, but also on his financials. You need to install a key logger on his computer while he's out of the house. It's a program you install on a computer and it captures all websites along with any usernames and passwords that are entered. You can have all the information sent to your email address. This will allow you access to any online banking he's doing. It will also show you any secret email or messaging accounts he has and you'll be able to monitor all activity. Keep all evidence in a safe place and take it to an attorney. Also, I disagree with some of the posters here - DO NOT GIVE HIM ANY INDICATION THAT YOU'RE CONSULTING AN ATTORNEY RIGHT NOW. Wait until you and your attorney have a decent snapshot of his financials in order to grab him by his balls. Remember, just because you're seeing an attorney doesn't mean that the ultimate outcome will be divorce. A lot of times cheating spouses are brought "out of the fog" once they realize that the betrayed spouse actually HAS THE NERVE to get a legal battle rolling. This is when the saying "you must be willing to lose your marriage if you wish to save it" really comes into play.

You've got a lot of good things going for you that many women in your situation lack - you make your own money, you have grown-up kids, and you can survive on your own when push comes to shove. How can your husband claim "he would have liked to live his life much differently, more freedom fishing, hunting, travelling..." when he's had this freedom all along? I'll tell you why - he's blame-shifting. It's actually an admission of guilt but he's twisting it to appear to be your fault for being a part of "God's plan" for him, which really means, "getting stuck with you." Along with the blame-shifting, he's gaslighting you into thinking you're the crazy one for "looking too far into" his "friendship" with this woman who is CLEARLY going to great lengths to avoid you.

It's time to call bullshit. Don't avoid the problem - it doesn't make it go away. The problem will still be there when you wake up tomorrow. The only difference between tomorrow and today is that the affair will only be going stronger tomorrow. Take action TODAY!

Posts: 350 | Registered: May 2013
♀ Member
Member # 32214
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everytime you post I get more angry. The way he is treating you about fishing, doesn't have time to babysit you, about money, about everything, just makes my blood boil.

Of course he wants you to stay. HE NEEDS YOUR INCOME TO MAINTAIN HIS LIFESTYLE!!!!

He clearly does not, or thinks he does not love you. No one treats someone they love in the manner he is treating you. If he were innocent, instead of getting angry when you accuse him of an affair, he would be heartbroken that you didn't trust him.
Get to an attorney pronto. Ask him to move out. Then he can pay his own bills. If you can susstain yourself financially, then there is no reason for him to live there. He is giving you nothing. Not money, affection, fun, nothing.

Let him have his fishing buddies, his woman, and his own bills. Then you can relax, do things you want to do, and maybe find someone who will add something to your life.
So, so, sorry you are being treated this way. It is just incredibly mean.

Me - BS
Him - FWS
DD - December 14, 2010
Married 43 years 1/14/2011
Affair lasted 7+ years
Affair had been over for 2 years before I found out. OW sent me a letter.

Posts: 1319 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Kansas
Topic Posts: 22
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