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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Getting ugly
Thefly559
♂ Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 6:12 AM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am in the middle of a nasty divorce which is about to go to trial and my story some of you know but my wife had an exit affair with no remorse and planned it for two years very detailed , she filed first and had me removed from my home , she was very pre meditated and I was blind! I am no longer blind and I am about to see a forensic psychologist , court ordered I am not sure what to expect for me or my kids ! Any advice would be helpful. Thanks in advance


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 628 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
Celticlass
♀ Member
Member # 39518
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending you hugs. Don't have any advice but wanted you to know someone wishes you well.

When does this appt take place? Keep us posted.




Posts: 72 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Lone Star State
Thefly559
♂ Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Numerous visits over two months for me my stbxw and kids last I think. First time going through this nightmare so just wanted to try to get a heads up on what to expect. Thank you for your response and support. All the best.


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 628 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you mean you're going to have a parenting evaluation? There are several of us here who have had them done. What kind of questions do you have?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9501 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

if I remember your story correctly, doesn't your STBXW have a degree in psychology? does she work in the field? given how well she has set everything else up, I might be concerned about a conflict of interest with the forensic psychologist.
look for connections between the two. also, look for connections between th OM and the evaluator.
I would also present my lawyer with a list of the reading material you gave us. what on earth did she need it for?

damn she is a cold b**** brother.

strength


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2715 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Thefly559
♂ Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To answer your questions no it is not a parenting thing. I did that already , it is a forensic psycologist so it is very new to me. And yes 5454 good memory. She has a psychology degree that is why I am so scared. She is great at manipulation and control. I thank you for your advice and concern and I will definatly bring pictures of all those mind control books I found. Thanks


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 628 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are both of you going to see the forensic psychologist? In my state, the forensic psychologist is used mainly in regards to children. For example, my stbx has psychiatric issues and accused me of parental alienation. He wanted all of us to be seen by a forensic psychologist so we were court ordered. Then, stbx changed his mind so he withdrew his request.

If both parties can't agree on a psychologist, the court chooses. I hope your stbx didn't chose this forensic psychologist.

From what I hear, you would go through a battery of tests and also be meeting one on one with the forensic psychologist. They see right through bullshit so be straight up honest. I hear it's brutal. I'm curious is to why you even need to see one.


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2145 | Registered: Oct 2012
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

is she being evaluated also? I think it might be something your lawyer could have directed.

I cannot emphasize enough that you need to make sure there is no connection between her and the evaluator or the other man and the evaluator. the connection I would be looking for would be something along the lines of having taken a class taught by the forensic psychologist. it's a relatively small, close Knit field.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2715 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now that I've had a chance to do a little reading & learning about forensic psychology, I'm actually scared for you, man.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9501 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
newlysingle
♀ Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess I don't really understand. Why do you have to do this? Is she trying to claim that you are unstable or something?


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 878 | Registered: Mar 2013
SeanFLA
♂ Member
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds to me like you could turn this on her if need be and prove that she's the one who is unstable. Gee a spouse who chooses to cheat, putting your life in jeopardy with STDs, possibly orphaning your children and then is totally unremorseful. Last time I checked adultery, although not punishable by law for the most part, is still looked down upon by most people including professional psychologists, therapists and judges. Might want to remind her of that.

She's trying to find a way (within her field) to pass blame for her poor behavior. People see right through that.


BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1459 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't want to generalize but have heard that this is a way that is used to make an abandoning spouse look better.

Perv has tried to do this, as I've complained about before...no forensic psychologist yet, but our trial is just getting scheduled and nothing would surprise me at this point.

I also agree on the posts suggesting that there be no affiliation with WW and the psychologist if I read that right... that would be totally unfair to you.

We have other things going on and something I started to do is get more than one opinion or person involved. It costs a lot of money, but it's our future and I won't be tricked any more. So anyone the other side suggests, I ask for at least one other opinion that I or my own L came up with.

And yes, sending you hugs and peace on this difficult road ahead.

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 3:05 PM, September 5th (Thursday)]


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2197 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

With regard to 5454's concern I would recommend you politely ask the evaluator if they know each other in any way.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4456 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Thefly559
♂ Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We all have to see th forensic psyc. Court ordered by the judge , I think because of my stbxw abuse of me and kids mentally. But not sure all I know is I have to pay for the whole thing! And she gets alimony , child support , lives in our home , collects unemployment from our company , has a full time job in sales and claims no income for two years ! But I have to pay all court costs?????? Wtf? Thanks for all the advice and support you guys and girls are awesome !


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 628 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you by chance journaling this?

If you are able to get an unbiased forensic psychologist to look at her reading material, consider the false DV charge and her behaviors regarding her income, wow.

Even at that, will you be able to prove in court that she has a job, yet reports no income?

If so, your lawyer must be rubbing their hands together. Proving perjury the first day of the trial? Wow.

Good luck brother.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2715 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:28 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

fly)))
Sending MOJO brother!
You say "you think it's because..."
Can you ask your L?

I'm praying this gets turned completely around to your favor!
It is clearly abuse - of a stripe one reads about in horror books.
Keep us posted.


Posts: 6529 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Topic Posts: 16

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