My posts lately have been very difficult. I have raged, I have cracked up and I have cried.
Thank God I am now getting hours at a time when I am not thinking of affair.
I kept arguing everything H told me. You couldn't have done this if you didn't feel that type of thing. We have talked round in circles for weeks and keep coming back to the same thing - he really does seem to be telling the truth.
He really didn't want her or fancy her. He was 'fishing'. He has done it before so it all fits. Basically a girl pays him attention and he flirts like crazy, he forgets all his normal boundaries and tries to find out if they want him. He always intends to say 'oh thank you but I am married, you are lovely though etc' he does it to get the ego boost. Anyway this time it got rapidly out if his control. They were working 40 hours a week together, she was texting him up to 60 times every night. HE was flattered but really confused too as no woman has ever taken him up on his fishing before. They got on so well he didn't want to lose the attention but didn't want it to go further. She turned up the heat though with some physical flirting and he got stupid and kissed her. HE told me that woke him up and he wanted no more. When she drove him to a dark car park and made her move he panicked. He had led her on and now he was in this position. He didn't know what to do, his mind went blank so he told himself I got myself into this mess I will give her what she wants then back off and call it off. What followed lasted less than a minute. He thought he could keep her happy without me knowing so I wouldn't get hurt and he could make sure he never led another woman on like this. Stupid - yes! PLanned and wanted - no!
This really helps me. PLus I met her and really think she has a serious mental or personality disorder. She invited herself to my house and stayed all day. we could not get rid of her. Something is very wrong with her and that helped H get into his mess.
I have been viewing him as a man I didn't know anymore. If I imagine him in that situation I can see him reacting that way. Sad I know but he has never been able to say no to anyone.
Anyway, since all this his views have dramatically changed. As have his actions. HE is thoughtful, always chatting to me about anything that's on my mind. He will discuss the affair til the cows come home even though he always breaks down in tears.
He says he was acting like a stupid kid who needed to feel wanted and anyone would have done. He knows now he badly this game can end and that he is not as in control of the situation as he thinks he is.
He has stopped facebook, applied for jobs all over the country, become the most loving H I could wish for, nothing is too much trouble. He holds me when I have nightmares,he rings me lots and texts all day. He tells me if he is going anywhere or will be even 5mins late. I have access to his phone, emails, laptop, everything. He has even offered to put a tracker on his phone. He has offered to sell his motorbike for counselling. He is spoiling me with love and attention. No matter where or when if I ask a question he goes over it again and again til it's in my head.
He cries a lot but he laughs a lot too. He hugs me and our son and always says 'how could I ever have done anything to risk this, please forgive me'.
Even silly things like his view on porn and nudity have changed. He says now that after being in a situation so sleazy and horrible he realises the bond between us is so sacred he will never view sex lightly again.
He has stopped shouting, raising his voice and being snappy. He is back to the man I married but a new and improved version.
I could go on but I think you get the picture
I just wanted to post something positive for a change!