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User Topic: He swears this is spam...I'm struggling to believe it is
♀ Member
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Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's not spam.

Ow = 19(at the time)
WBF A = 08/10/2012-17/10/2012
D-Day = 24/01/2013

"It was easier for him to hurt me than it was for him to turn her down"

Posts: 80 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Scotland
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Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The evidence is right in front of you. If you look at the evidence and take his verbal responses out of the equation(Which are lies) you know whats happened here. You just want to hold on hope and believe the liar as we all did. Look at the evidence, not his response. You know, he bought that phone. Sorry but your not in R.

[This message edited by lordhasaplan? at 9:51 AM, September 6th (Friday)]

D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1909 | Registered: Nov 2010
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Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Rep would only confirm that the tracfone in question had his office phone listed as a primary contact. She said there is no name tied to the acct. That was all she would say.

This make's absolutely no sense to me. If there is no name on the account, then how did they know HIS name when they left the message on his email? They didnt say "thank you for adding minutes" the message said "Thank you (husbands namd) for adding the minutes"

There is something very fishy with this.

Why would anyone use your WS's office number, THEN use his name when they added minutes??

Not adding up at all here.

My husband is livid. Being set up by someone who chose his desk phone number (which is an extension within his medium-sized company) to attach to this phone and there is no way to prove his innocence.

Sorry but I can smell the bullshit all the way by me. He's not livid he's freaking out. He's been caught red handed!!

Not only that but he's feeding you sweet lies and playing the victim to throw you off the red handedness of this whole thing.

Your H has set up an alt number for messages.

I wonder if he has this phone hidden, so if his AP calls and leaves a message while he is at work, he will still get the messages.

Not sure if you have any mutual friends from where he works, but it may look odd to them if he is on another phone, and then says something to you like "hey when did WS get a new phone?" then his affiar cover is blown and he's caught red handed that way.

Your WS is a smart little bastard and he's playing with your emotions to confuse you big time.

If the payment was HIS card, they can answer a yes/no at the very least, and if they were calling HIS number then I'm baffled at their refusal to provide any information at all.

I would have asked how TF has HIS name and HIS phone number and since they did then why can they not verify how he paid....could your WS have secret credit card??

Time to go through all financials, get into files that your WS may have and see if there is a hidden bank account as well.

You may not even know he is putting money into it.

If he has direct deposit with his check, he can delagate how much money goes into each account - and unless you see a paystub, you would never know if all of it is going into the known bank accounts.

I am so sorry that you are going though this but PLEASE PLEASE dont let his pleading and whatnot sway you. Take a spontainous day off of work, tear apart the house, the garage, the shed if you have one.

Wait until he comes home, tear apart his car. Look in the trunk, where the spare tire is, every where.

hell, go to his work - wait until he goes to lunch....and then get into his desk. Just saying.

There IS a phone, it IS his phone....

[This message edited by Undefinabl3 at 8:50 AM, September 6th (Friday)]

Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2012
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Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know about many of those questions that were asked. I don't think most of them should have been put through, I think your poly tester took you for a ride.

1)Are you currently fantasizing about other men or women? "No"

Soooo, currently, like while he's taking the test. So of course he would pass this one because he probably wasn't fantasizing about anyone "currently" at that moment. Bad question.

2)Since your last polygraph, have you acted out sexually? "No"

This one should be ok, unless he doesn't consider having sexual contact with other people "acting out".

3)Are you lying to your wife about anything? "No"

If he never TOLD you anything, then he could pass this one thinking that (like many people do) omitting the truth isn't the same as lying. Bad question.

I'm afraid that the questions weren't very good and the poly examiner didn't correct any of them to make them better. Questions about feelings can't be asked because feelings can't be gauged, and the "currently" word just makes it a whole mess that is open to interpretation so anyone could pass that question really.

Honestly, I have little faith that anything will show up on your CC bills either with purchasing the tracfone. When my H bought a paid membership to a hook up website, even HE was smart enough to use cash at Walmart to buy a prepaid debit card and use that card to buy his membership. Chances of prepaid card being used are pretty high. My H squirreled away his money for a month to save the $60 needed for the membership so I wouldn't notice a big chunk missing at once.

ETA: Sorry, my post looks REALLY weird. Guess I tried to quote too much.

[This message edited by doesitgetbetter at 8:55 AM, September 6th (Friday)]

DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - FWS
Us - Committed
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
"Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10

Posts: 3859 | Registered: Feb 2008
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Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a TracFone for my DD. This is how it shows up when I add minutes with my CC:


Followed by the dollar amount I added.

They have never called me. I get a confirmation text from them directly to that cell phone.

I did not realize you could set up an alternative way for them to contact you but that makes sense (like in my case where I pay the bill but DD has the phone).

If the call went to your WH office, maybe he had that TracFone set to forward to his office phone?

Did you try going to to see if you could guess his user ID/Password?

PS - I am so sorry you are dealing with this!!!

Edited: Ok, I just went to my TracFone account profile page. It does have my home phone number listed but I never get TracFone messages there - they go to my TracFone. I am not sure how a profile could be set up with his work number without an account owner listed. Makes no sense because that is a required field.

Are you sure that was not a bogus call he made? I have the same experiences as the other poster....EVERYTIME I have to call TracFone it is AWFUL. Wait times are long and the person's accent is always so strong that is it very hard to understand them at all.

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 9:20 AM, September 6th (Friday)]

Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.

Posts: 2181 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
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Member # 39000
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just chiming in to say that one can purchase Tracfone minutes from any Target, Walgreens, etc. It can be a completely off-the-grid cash transaction with no CC trail.

fWW: 42
BH: 52
DDay: April 21, 2013
Sweet DS & fierce DD, under 10
"Between stimulus and response there’s a space, in that space lies our power to choose our response, in our response lies our growth and our freedom." V. Frankl

Posts: 1236 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Redneck land
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Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I so appreciate all your replies. The consensus is clearly that he's lying about this phone. I think he is, too.

When I'm emotional, I tend to use too many words. I tried to be as concise as possible in explaining and think I created some confusion. I also found out more information about his name on the voice mail that rolled to his email regarding having added minutes to the account. So, while it changes little to nothing, I don't want to misrepresent this and need to clarify a couple of things.

He pulled up all of the emails he has that are voice mails. Every one of them beings with: "(last name,first name), you have received a (however long the message is) call from (the number or name)" caller. There is a link in the email to listen to the voice message.
So, the message appeared to address him by name, but that was the system using his name as it is listed in the company directory.

When he/we called Tracfone, the first thing he said was that he wanted them to look up his account, that he had received a voicemail about adding airtime to a phone he didn't have and it had created a crisis in his marriage. The rep had a difficult time finding the account without a name. She looked up his name as it was on the email, but no account under that name existed. So he asked her to look it up by his office phone number where the voicemail was left. She found an account.

It was a newly created account and there was no name associated with it. Because neither of us provided the tracfone number (I don't know it, it wasn't in the message and he denies having the phone so he claimed not to have it either), she could only give us limited information about the account.

She said when the phone was purchased (within a 2 day time period...gave me the two days but couldn't be specific since husband had already clarified it was not his account), that it was activated Tuesday when the airtime was added and showed no use beyond activation at that point. She told me the kind of phone it is and said she would call the owner to see if they had mis-typed the primary contact number (my husband's office) when they put it into the account and ask the owner to contact me to clarify this mess.

I know there are all kinds of things my husband can do to throw me off-track when that call comes in if the phone is his. It really doesn't offer me any confirmation. my hope is that I will get the tracfone number on my phone if/when the "unknown owner" calls me. That will give me something to work with on my own to investigate it further,I'm hoping.

My husband's claim that he was "set up" boiled down to believing someone had mistyped a digit of their number in the acct. He apparently didn't mean "set up" in the literal sense.

I'm sitting here typing all this out and it makes so little sense to me that I almost feel like *I* am lying in telling the convoluted story - I know he probably is.

The only odd thing that occurred during the call with tracfone was that when they offered to call the phone right then to see if it rang in my house or the "real" (?) owner picked up, it might answer some questions. She offered to do that because she couldn't give out the number to us. The odd thing was husband immediately got up and went into the closet (we were calling from our bedroom). I didn't notice that at the time (stupid) - it only occurred to me later. I proceeded to take the phone and go outside to talk to her privately and try to get more information from her.

Was the mysterious phone he doesn't own in the closet and he ran to silence it? I have no idea. I hate that it didn't register that happened until hours later as I was thinking about this scary mess.

After he went to sleep, I searched every inch of his truck (thank you for suggested places to look that wouldn't have occurred to me), the closet, his briefcase and every possible nook and cranny in this house and the garage. Nothing. If he has it and it was in the closet, he probably did something with it while I was outside on the phone. Can't believe I missed that.

I can't search his work without him present. He works in a secured facility. It would be after hours when we could go. I think that's futile. It's been 2 days, created utter havoc, and I don't think it's in a discoverable place.

We have an appt with both our therapists this afternoon. Please pray I get answers that are real. Whatever that reality is, I want the opportunity to make my own choices according to it - not have lies make choices for me that I would not make if I knew the truth.

I'm SO sorry for this novel.I really felt things needed to be better clarified. Well, as clearly as I understand them at this point.

ETA corrected pronoun and punctuation.

[This message edited by spinningwheel at 9:37 AM, September 6th (Friday)]

Posts: 31 | Registered: May 2013
Random thoughts
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Member # 2959
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Check his shoes, inside the socks and even the hamper. Winter clothing and any hats. File drawers and cabinets. Cereal boxes and anything that he uses but you don't.

Those three words are said too much and not enough.
Chasing Cars-Snow Patrol.

Posts: 1608 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Some where in New Jersey
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Member # 23769
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He has the phone. No doubt. He may have already shut it off or changed the number/contact info. You do not have to use a real name for the acct. Like I said I used my initials only. I have the reminder messages (your phone's time is about to expire) and the thank you for adding time messages sent to my home phone. I also get confirmation on the TF when time is added.

You know the truth. He is going to lie lie lie in counseling about this. And the counselor may not know the ins and outs of tracfone set up.

Married 1998, 2 kids
D-day3/27/09,he left 5/23/09
WH wants to rebuild 3/21/10
He moved back in 9/25/10,
Dec, 2011-finally putting it all together, H had multiple affairs.
Possible porn addict for 15 yrs.
01/2014- in house separation

Posts: 3280 | Registered: Apr 2009
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Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And as stated as above this all could be done with cash. No secret bank account or charge card needed. No traces at all other than him listing his office number, which he didn't even have to do that.

Married 1998, 2 kids
D-day3/27/09,he left 5/23/09
WH wants to rebuild 3/21/10
He moved back in 9/25/10,
Dec, 2011-finally putting it all together, H had multiple affairs.
Possible porn addict for 15 yrs.
01/2014- in house separation

Posts: 3280 | Registered: Apr 2009
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Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 10:24 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He got up and went to the closet when she offered to call the number?

It was in the closet.

Holy shit.

FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 7692 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
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Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. That this is life for a BS is truly, epically unfair.

The closet thing really clinches it, IMO. Why in the world would he need to go into the closet right then, except to silence the phone.

All the truth I got came from outside of my M; phone messages, anonymous letters, a traffic violation notice in the mail. Trying to make sense of it while my H lied; ugh. That sinking feeling, the inner trembling. Double ugh.

I am so sorry.

Dday -9/24/2012

Posts: 1763 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
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Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry you're going through this.... ugh...

I'd just get a VAR and put it in his car. He's lying and you don't deserve this.

Me: BS 39
Him: WH 41
2 Kids
D-Day: 2/3/13
Broke NC 3/14
Very skeptically in R for now...

Posts: 269 | Registered: Mar 2013
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Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just got off the phone with tracfone again. They are not very willing to give info without the tracfone number or serial number of the phone. The only thing I was able to confirm is that the phone is still active. I don't know if that means he hasn't disabled it or if it means there is current activity. Every answer I get leads to more questions they won't answer. I feel like I've stepped back in time to almost 2 years ago when all this crap came out. It hurts. Badly.

Posts: 31 | Registered: May 2013
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Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Check his shoes, inside the socks and even the hamper. Winter clothing and any hats. File drawers and cabinets. Cereal boxes and anything that he uses but you don't.

Or just divorce him... Do you really want to live like this?

Posts: 1736 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
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Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Please don't let the sliver of hope that you have, blind you to the mountain of truth that is right in front of you.

He know's that you know, but he's going to deny it until the bitter end.

Everyone knows that if you admit that an account is not yours, then the amount of information they can give out is limited. If he would have played along with it saying that it was his you could have gotten more information.

I think it was in the closet, but he has by now either gotten rid of it or cancelled it and got a new one.

you need to go underground now. Get a VAR, get a GPS, get a Keylogger.

Play nice while this is all going down so that he starts to relax, and then you can get all the information that you need.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2012
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Member # 39336
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hopeless, I didn't know I was living like this. And if this is real, I absolutely do NOT.

I still wonder about the possibility of the owner of the phone mistyping a digit, thus leading to my husband's office phone as husband suggested. Is it possible?

But then there is him going to the closet for something when she was getting ready to call the phone. I'm running out of ways to reason this away.

Posts: 31 | Registered: May 2013
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Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've discovered quite a few things in STBX's suit coat pockets & pants pockets. He kept some things spread out throughout his wardrobe. Normally I'd never think to check through his suit coat pockets. I was stunned at what I found there.

STBX had some things right in his nightstand drawer.

I found things on the workbench in the garage.

I've found things on the tippety-top shelves in the kitchen, the ones way up high that I cannot reach without a ladder. Yeah, he hid stuff from me up there.

My heart goes out to you. It's a bitter pill to accept that your husband lies so dramatically to your face. It's an even more bitter pill to realize that YOU accepted the lies and were fooled.

Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011

Posts: 9827 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
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Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't understand. You didn't originally hear the VM, you saw a transcription to email, and every single one of them starts "Hi, [husband name]." and launches into the call?

"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7484 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
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Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If it's been 2 days already, he has probably gotten rid of the phone, but...did you check in the toilet tanks?

Posts: 117 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: New England
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