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User Topic: could the OW be lurking?
soconfusednow
♀ Member
Member # 40078
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you ever wonder if the OW is here & has figured out your username,

just lurking,

waiting for the right thing to appear that she can use against you with your WH?

[This message edited by soconfusednow at 11:59 AM, September 5th (Thursday)]


D-Day January 2013
prior EA in the 90's
me 50
WH 52
NC-several
last broken NC 7/2013 (hopefully)
Married 29 years
2 kids
Want to believe it's over, but is it really? Will I ever trust again?

Posts: 317 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Painfuljourney
♀ Member
Member # 40208
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, they won't be because they have no conscious or care about how much pain they cause. IMO At least that is the case with the OW in my story. She's a coward who tried to take my husband from his wife and kids. A person like that has no morals or values and wouldn't be here unless she was cheated on herself.


BS (me) - 44
WH - 46
DD - July 1, 2013
2 daughters, 14 and 10

Posts: 102 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gosh no....do you know how much work that would be?

Not to mention, how many times do you read someone's post and think "I could of wrote that!"? They would be facing that with every post they read (is that them? this one could be there? Or maybe this one?)


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2130 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
sullymeishadomi
♀ Member
Member # 16305
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my case its highly a possibility.

First, she supposedly was cheated on by her second h. If that is true, she probably did find this place.

Second, just recently wh brought up the disappearance of his nice shirts I had bought him on my two trips back home. Those shirts cost a pretty penny on sale. Said shirts were in her closet for a year.

Up until recently he thought he had left the shirts in his country. Just the other day he mentioned the shirts were distroyed and some were given away to a friend of mine.


People tell you exactly who they are...why expect them to be what they are not ....will be divorcing the selfish creep.

Posts: 8304 | Registered: Sep 2007
Kierst13
♀ Member
Member # 39197
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wonder about that, too. I think if they read the background or profile stories it's possible to find the BS of their AP, especially when dates and circumstances are written out in great detail. Throw in the genders and ages of kids and the length of the marriage, it wouldn't be too hard to narrow down a BS.

It all depends if they care enough to go to the trouble.


Story in my profile
He lied, I gave the gift of R
He became the model remorseful WS...all while lying and seeing her
Am I done? Yes I am!

Posts: 347 | Registered: May 2013
heartbroken2012
♀ Member
Member # 38089
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not a chance for the OW in my life...she is really stupid, no morals, has no regret for what she did that there is no chance.

Im glad. I wouldnt like her to invade this part of my life either. In fact I secretly hope she is back at having sex with men at work so one day she will get caught and fired.

[This message edited by heartbroken2012 at 12:21 PM, September 5th (Thursday)]


BS(Me) - 32
WS(HUbbie) - 40
OW - 44 (a ugly, old, white trash horse faced Coworker)
Affair was 2 months long
3 kids - 5yr old, and twins 8 months
Dday - 12/25/12 (lots of signs before I should have seen)

Posts: 549 | Registered: Jan 2013
IDeserveMore
♀ Member
Member # 40460
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm thinking like Kierst13. How would they do it. They would have to read posts until something sounded familiar and then read the person's profile.

Or just read tons and tons of profiles.

On the other hand, I wonder if some terms are searchable enough that a goole search would find the profile. I haven't written out my profile yet but maybe someone else could try it and see what it finds.


Me BS 45, him 48, 15yo DD and 13yo DS
DD#1 1998, DD#2 2004
6 years of TT yields chronicity.
I may never get over it.

Posts: 71 | Registered: Aug 2013
StepAside
♀ Member
Member # 29826
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't worry about it, even if my profile was read, it wouldn't match up to the 'story' given by fWH. It was *gasp!* LIES!

[This message edited by StepAside at 12:31 PM, September 5th (Thursday)]


Me 48yrs, king of douchebagastan- 50yrs STD infected bankrupt NPD sociopathic drunk thief
countless A's, he is a predator that targets losers like himself
Last Dday 04/12/2010-Divorcing if/when his cumdumpsters lend him some $ or balls to file

Posts: 1517 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: Ingersoll Ontario
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH's AP? No way.

But there have been instances here on SI where the AP DID find the BS here...and also,sadly,there have been WH's who have shared their BW's username on SI with their OW...it's exceptionally cruel to allow the AP *that* window into our lives.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7486 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Eudaimonia
♀ Member
Member # 32445
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's highly likely, also, that many OW (doesnt seem like men fall into this category as often) see themselves as the betrayed when the WH goes back to the wife. I read an article on infidelity the other day that allowed comments at the end and seriously around 60% of what I saw in the comments was OW who felt that the wife "stole" their true love from them. I stopped reading quickly because it made me nauseous. I just wonder if there's any of those nutjobs here posting as BSs because they see themselves as the victim.


So long, and thanks for all the fish!

Posts: 472 | Registered: Jun 2011
SadFlower
♀ Member
Member # 37725
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I often wonder if OW is here, too. The things I've written would make it crystal clear to her who I am. But I really don't care.

She might seem like Ms. Wonderful to just about everyone, but inside she's a moral-free alley cat.

(Whoops, excuse me! That's Dr. Wonderful--she got a PhD last year with a lot of help from FWH, and boy does she flaunt it. FWH and I have PhDs, too, but we're only Dr. to our students--Mr. and Ms. elsewhere. We're not medical doctors, after all.)

OW, if you're reading this, yes, I mean YOU!

And TruthorGoodbye, I do think that OW feels betrayed and abandoned by FWH. She's sent FWH two e-mails since D-Day. I think she's pining, and fishing, and hoping to learn that we've split. Both e-mails have told FWH to let her know if the e-mails are a problem. I'm sure she's hoping that they cause a huge rift between us.


Me: BW, age 66
Him: WH, age 64
Married 19 years
In R.

D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA


Posts: 399 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Connecticut
devasted30
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If we want to go by my WS OW, yes she certainly is capable of reading this stuff and putting in her two cents as well, but wouldn't her true colours come out? After all, she deliberately had an affair with a MARRIED MAN. Oh yeah, she was fed the line living like brother & sister....but, come on after 3 years and he's still with her and your visits together are less and less - how stupid are you???????

Posts: 1223 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
Josephine01
♀ Member
Member # 38511
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, I don't wonder if OW is here. But, I have wondered if the man that she is cheating with, if his BGF or fiance is here. Or her first h EXBW is here.

I don't know the current BGF or the name, other than the first, of her new BF. But, I feel sorry because I know there is someone else out there in the dark or feeling B.


Me, 42 BS
H, 61 WH
2 boys 19 and 15 years old
Married 24 years

Posts: 314 | Registered: Feb 2013
Bikingguy
♂ Member
Member # 38103
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have wondered if OM's BW is on here. I have read post/responses that sounded like they could have been from her.

And yes it would be pretty easy for either OM or OM's BW to determine me from post or profile story. But oh F'ing well. I am not altering anything (OK life has certainly changed) to worry about that.


Me: BH, 44
Her: WW, 43
D day. January 12, 2013

Posts: 672 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Socal
velvethammer
♀ Member
Member # 40437
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh I hope she finds it because she didn't know he was cheating on her too!

And, we both trashed her on here so I really hope she finds our threads. Pretty sure she'll know it's about her because she effed her cousin.


Posts: 110 | Registered: Aug 2013
TrulySad
♀ Member
Member # 39652
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know the OW could lurk on this site, and I'm sure some of them do. Oh well .

For any that do, it just goes to add to their pathetic life and how little they have in their own world.

Do I think they may discover who we are? I suppose it's possible, but we have to remember they did mess around with the man/woman who lied and cheated on us. I'm fairly certain who they think we are isn't even close to who we actually are and our stories on this site.

Remember, to them...
* Our partner is single (he/she forgot what that annoying band on their ring finger was put there for)
* Or we are the horrible partner (I guess we should have left the kiddos at home, to show up in a deserted parking lot to suck their ever-so-amazing limp stick)
* They never touch us, and haven't in months/years, because we're so damn boring in bed (That explains so much, as I sit here rocking baby number 12)
* They have filed for a divorce (cause that's what every spouse does as he/she just purchased tickets for a family vacation).

I could go on , but for some silly reason I'm kinda having a little happy moment knowing some OW/OM find our lives interesting enough to stalk.


Me: Sad, but I will survive

True Love: What I have for my beautiful children.


Posts: 452 | Registered: Jun 2013
Eudaimonia
♀ Member
Member # 32445
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trulysad, good list, but I'd like to add
*They are in an open marriage, but their wife (who is boring and hates sex and doesn't like to go out and simply doesn't like "fun" in general and "isn't likable or capable of having friends because she has a degree in philosophy" doesn't like to know anything about the extramarital sexcapades, so it has to be kept under wraps.

[This message edited by TruthorGoodbye at 11:36 AM, September 24th, 2013 (Tuesday)]


So long, and thanks for all the fish!

Posts: 472 | Registered: Jun 2011
selkiescot
♀ Member
Member # 23777
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think she or my HW might be a lurker. I posted something quite nasty one day about them. Right after I posted.it he called me to see if I was ok. Coincedence? hmm maybe my gut says NO however.

[This message edited by selkiescot at 5:39 PM, September 5th (Thursday)]


The truth shall set you free or reveal the name of the OW!
ME 57
WH 64
DDAYs TOO MANY
daughter 27
You give me gifts! I don't want your gifts I want the truth. That's the greatest gift.

Posts: 1394 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: CT
Simple
♀ Member
Member # 18814
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The thing is my FWH is the one that tried to lurk here. But I did not tell him my username. He did not quite ask but kind of accusingly asked that this lady is talking like you blah blah. And I said "no that's not me" and stayed quiet. He was pissed that I was talking about our lives so publicly. I told him that maybe he shouldn't have written out in social media that he was single or that his wife's a ____.


Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.


Posts: 927 | Registered: Mar 2008
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nah, COW shuns the interwebs because it give the feds that much more of a heads-up for making good on some of her outstanding warrants.


If life is just a series of ridiculous attempts to be alive, you're a hero. - J. Winger

Posts: 17530 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Topic Posts: 39
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