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Newest Member: Raggz (44204)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Double whammy
newlysingle
♀ Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is about a friend, not me. I'm so upset for her and don't know how to help. She is divorced, but recently became engaged to a man she has been dating for a couple of years. The relationship has always been a bit rocky and I'll admit that I wasn't thrilled for her when she said they were engaged. Anyway, she woke up yesterday morning to find him dead in bed next to her. He died in his sleep and they aren't sure yet what caused it. They're still awaiting autopsy results.

To add insult to injury, as they were notifying friends/family of his death, she discovered that he'd been having an A for the past 9 months. The OW did not know about my friend either, so she is innocent in this. My friend is dealing with such a range of emotions right now. She's grief stricken, but angry and hurt all at the same time.

I'm going over to spend time with her today and to help her sort through some of his paperwork. I'm just so heartbroken for her. It's really triggered me to a great extent about my own situation.

It did propel me to text the Gnat this morning and say the following. "While I'm still very angry at you and will probably never forgive you for the pain and hurt you've caused me, I don't want you dead. I'm sorry I said that to you". Yes, I did tell him I wished him dead once. Between what has happened to my friend and the poster who's WH committed suicide recently, I really don't wish this. I've received crickets from him, but that is fine. I don't need or even want him to respond.

Ugh, life is really hard, isn't it?


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 807 | Registered: Mar 2013
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so very sorry for all your friend is going through. What a blow!

If you are comfortable doing so, you may want to consider sharing SI with her. You could do it without exposing yourself or your user ID - you can always say you saw a story about SI online.

Sending you strength as you help her through this. Hugs for her as well.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24368 | Registered: Aug 2011
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How very awful for her.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3153 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
newlysingle
♀ Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 5:03 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I will tell her about SI. She is in just such a raw state right now. I just went and spent the afternoon with her at his house. She is going through all of his bills, etc. It's really hard because she is very close to his family and his children. There are only a few people that know about the A. She is choosing not to share it with others, because it really doesn't matter at this point, anyway. I have to agree with her. I think she also doesn't want to hear people bad mouth him when she's still grieving his death.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 807 | Registered: Mar 2013
Holly-Isis
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry for her. There have been a handful of BSs over the years that came to SI with post-mortem d-days.

I know it's triggering you, but I'm glad she has you to help her through this.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

❣I hope my issues don't discourage ur healing. I've buried a lot & my WH hasn't done his part in R❣


Posts: 10982 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Limbo
newlysingle
♀ Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The thing I forgot to add that she told me today, was that he had taken Xanax before bed. It's really ironic because when the Gnat was secretly living his double life he started taking a lot of Xanax. I was concerned about it at the time, but I thought it was due to finding out his dad had cancer. He even collapsed in our bathroom one night. Little did I know that it was due to his double life catching up with him.

So there's a possibility it was Xanax that killed him. It'll be interesting to see what the autopsy report says.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 807 | Registered: Mar 2013
newlysingle
♀ Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, and I texted the Gnat today to see if he could watch the baby for me while I go to the funeral next week. He said yes and asked if it was someone he knew that died.

I told him the whole story, about the A and the Xanax. Then added, "sounds eerily familiar, right?" I've received crickets from that text, LOL. The Gnat doesn't like having a mirror put in his face.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 807 | Registered: Mar 2013
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You may want to tell your friend to make sure that the OW, innocent of knowing about her or not, is specifically told that she is NOT invited to the funeral and if she shows up, will be shown to the door by security. Nip that little drama show right in the bud, as it were.

I hope that she can come here for some support.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4544 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Topic Posts: 8

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