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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Trouble in paradise?
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FTFred sent me a link to a song through text message last night. Mind you, this was after many arguments over email where I REFUSE to let him have the children on a school night, and I let him know that his inability to handle adult or the children's responsibilities will NOT be tolerated (such as "accidentally deleting" emails containing bills and his inability to find the school calendar, handle Boy Scouts, or finish their homework correctly).

To be fair, he finally agreed to a few things for me last night, such as some extra time this weekend for a relative who died (after refusing me initially, of course). But I'm glad he finally came around. He had called me controlling and that I demand too much. I reminded him that some things I request he is free to deny, but some things I request should NOT be denied by him, such as Mother's Day (which he refused me until I got lawyers involved), time with both of children on one of their birthdays (which he refused me), and time with family when someone has died (which he initially refused me, but now has changed him mind).

Anyway, here's the song, "It's Been Awhile" by Staind:

The link he sent: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=araU0fZj6oQ

The lyrics:

And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I first saw you

And it's been awhile
Since I could stand
On my own two feet again
And it's been awhile
Since I could call you

And everything I can remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I stretched myself beyond my means

And it's been awhile
Since I can say
That I wasn't addicted
And it's been awhile
Since I can say
I love myself as well

And it's been awhile
Since I've gone and fucked things up
Just like I always do
And it's been awhile
But all that shit seems to disappear
When I'm with you

And everything I can remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've gone and fucked things up again, again

Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day

And it's been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry

And it's been awhile
Since I've seen the way
The candles light your face
And it's been awhile
But I can still remember
Just the way you taste

And everything I can remember
As fucked up as it all may seem to be
I know it's me
I cannot blame this on my father
He did the best he could for me

And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry

You know, a "sorry" would be nice, but I think this is a bunch of wayward bullshit, a bunch of poor me crap. How about how you fucked up MY life? How about how fucking horribly you've treated me. Where's my fucking child support?? I can't help thinking he's fighting with the bitch OW. How I would LOVE to send her a message and tell her to tell that motherfucker to stop bothering me.

Perhaps if he's feeling guilty, I should use this small opportunity to get some things I want in the divorce. I wouldn't touch that POS with a 1000 foot pole, but damn, an actual genuine "sorry" would be nice. I feel like he always treats me like shit and completely disrespects me to justify his affair. If he's starting to wake up to what he's done, that's a good thing. But I have a feeling that as soon as I reject him, he will turn back into a monster. Crickets is definitely best for now. I don't want love. I just want him to love the kids more than he hates me..


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2239 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That song must be teh Wayward Special. My then-STBXWH sent the same song to me after he'd been kicked out and I stopped letting him hoover me. Uh huh.
Sending a song or "heartfelt" emails/texts mean absoulely NOTHING when the actions prove otherwise.

Ignore and press on.


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - ??

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6443 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're guaranteed time with your kids on their birthdays? Lucky you, I don't.

I think you need to take advantage of this small window of opportunity and ask for whatever else you truly want/need. Soon enough he'll put his FT dunce cap back on & be back to his normal assholery.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9680 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:37 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hoovering fucker.

The sad clown sent me a lovely mushy song just before I stupidly agreed to False R.

A few weeks later we were going through and deleting his emails to OWUglyIndian. I wanted to read them for some reason.

He sent the same song to her just 6 weeks prior. I asked if he remembered sending it to her when he sent it to me. He said he did.

I asked WTF was wrong with him "Its just how I feel".

Correct - love is what he feels in the moment, its an emotion that waxes and wanes and moves with the wind. Not the kind of love I want nor need.

I'm sorry he is doing this friend. This shit used to fuck me up big time.

((BG)) You know crickets is the way to go. Don't even acknowledge it. Not with empathy or rage - nothing.

He is not deserving.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5559 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 6:12 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, yep, and yep. Maybe I am reaching indifference a bit, because I know that song was a bunch of bull, and I'm not hoping for more, and I'm certainly not responding. That motherfucker doesn't deserve my feelings anymore.

Most of you probably missed my post in New Beginnings, but even though I've never really gotten into country music, I went to a Blake Shelton concert with one of my good friends who had her online date poof on her, and she may have turned me a little bit country I had a blast, and it gave me hope that I will learn to love again. She let me borrow a CD of his, and I've been obsessed with it ever since. Though crickets is best, AND I WILL BE STICKING WITH IT, one of the songs on there seemed an appropriate response to FTFred's song.

Blake Shelton~ "I'm Sorry"

You say you don't know what you were thinking,
Well neither do I.
And after the time we spent together,
You think you deserve another try.

Well girl I don't know what it is
That you're expecting
Just because you looked me in the eye

And say you're sorry,
Oh, you're sorry,
You want it back the way it was.
Well I'm sorry,
But sometimes sorry,
Just ain't good enough.

You say you never meant to hurt me,
Well that might be true.
But do you really think I should forgive you,
For what you put me through.

Oh, I remember every time you said you loved me
But I know now your love was just a lie

And you say you're sorry,
Oh you're sorry,
You want it back the way it was.
Well I'm sorry,
But sometimes sorry,
Just ain't good enough.

Oh, girl I don't know what it is
That you're expecting
Just because you looked me in the eye

And say you're sorry...

Oh, you're sorry,
So sorry,
And you want it back the way it was.
Well I'm sorry,
But sometimes sorry,
Just ain't good enough.

And an abbreviation just doesn't seem appropriate here, so I will spell it out: FUCK THAT GUY!!

[This message edited by ButterflyGirl at 6:14 PM, September 5th (Thursday)]


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2239 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Housefulloflove
♀ Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 7:50 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think this is a bunch of wayward bullshit, a bunch of poor me crap.

This was my thought after reading that. "Feel sorry for me, I fucked up *my* life!" That jackass can't stop thinking about himself long enough to even find a song that isn't all about him! FTG! And might I add STFUAYSCPYCPOS! (shut the fuck up about your self-created problems you cheating piece of shit!)

ExPOS is too full of pride to even find a song to send me. After D papers were filed I got a link to a video about controlling wives! I wanted to send him a video about cheating assholes with a "P.S., I'm not your wife anymore you narcissistic asshole" But I had finally learned the art of *crickets* at that point so I didn't respond at all.

He sent the same song to her just 6 weeks prior. I asked if he remembered sending it to her when he sent it to me. He said he did.

ExPOS did something similar. He wrote his AP a love poem/song/whatever (I'm not sure if he ever sent it to her) but when I found it written on a piece of paper in the garage, I immediately realized that it was damn near the EXACT same thing he had sent me 10 and a half YEARS prior when we were teens and before we were dating. This MF'er has matured so little in 10+ years that he even uses the exact same words to try to move a relationship from friendship to something more intimate.

BTW- I thought his poem/lyrics were corny as hell 10 years ago. I actually thought it was a joke and LMAO! The most memorable part: "I want to be your man. Holding hands and making plans." A line written in both my poem and the one to his AP word for word!" It was like reading a Dr. Seuss book.

I think it was at least a year into our relationship when I found out during a random conversation that it was meant to be taken seriously I then felt really bad about laughing at it even though he never knew that was my reaction. To see that this 29 y/o "man" has the same idea of romance as he did as an awkward 18 y/o was so sad!

[This message edited by Housefulloflove at 7:53 PM, September 5th (Thursday)]


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 11:54 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((ButterflyGirl))

Thank you SO much for the Blake Shelton referral. I hadn't heard that song before. Now I have a new theme song. I really needed that.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1768 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so glad the song helped you Gemini. It's probably an appropriate song for a lot of people down here in S/D. "I'm sorry" are just words. It's the actions that matter. So yeah, "Sometimes sorry just ain't good enough."

I must admit, I'm getting irritated and ticked that I have to deal with his personality disorder. Every time he says or doesn't say something, every time he does or doesn't do something, I have to step back and try to figure out his motives and remember that it's all about him. I wish he would just leave me alone. Sending me that song really makes me mad. I know that he was just trying to manipulate me, and that is so much worse than if he had just left me alone..

And Housefulloflove, just wanted to tell you too that the POS repeated things we said to each other to the bitch OW too. During false R, I remember telling him that his words didn't mean much to me at the time because I wanted them to be "genuine." Then about a week later, I figured out that he had taken the affair underground by using the chat feature on a word game on his phone, and he told her that he meant everything he said, and that it was all "genuine." He's so stupid, I bet he had to Google that word to even know what it meant. He took everything I was saying to him and turning it around and saying it to her. That was a real stab in the heart..

I really need to forget that he even sent me that song, but damn, I really have a strong urge to text the bitch OW and ask her if he sent that song to her as well. She is such a horrible woman and mother, and I hate her being around my kids, and I would just love a chance to get her pissed at the POS and get her out of my kids' lives. I know I won't, but boy do I want to....


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2239 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't feed the drama lama. I would have LOVED to send OWUmpteen a "Girl, get your bitch on a leash" message when the sad clown was trying to get all nostalgic on me but I decided it was amusing in thought but drama-inducing in deed.

Crickets. If he keeps sending them start having his email vetted by a trusted third party so you don't even have to see them. Its a mind-fuck you don't need right now.

((((BG))))


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5559 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 9

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