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User Topic: You're Killing Me, Smalls! (again)
Alex CR
♀ Member
Member # 27968
Default  Posted: 7:36 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dog jumped I'm laughing so loud.....I love starting the day with a good belly laugh....Thanks!

My H can do the same thing and a 'you've got to be kidding' is one of the restrained responses I've come up with. I have a habit of cutting remarks I work hard to harness.

I find it amazing that H acts as if he is totally ignorant of the cheating and lying at those moments. It's as if he has amnesia. Almost four years since Dday and though life is good, I can never forget the lies he was capable of for five years.

How the hell can you blank out five years of lying and cheating and speak to situations as if they had no connection to your own failings?


BS Me 61
WS Him 62
Married 33
Together 40
DD 11/16/09
The future looks good....

Posts: 1713 | Registered: Mar 2010
catlover50
♀ Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 7:42 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I suspect for many of us day to day life operates over a low hum of "my spouse cheated on me". Just about everything goes through that filter. The WSs OTOH often seem to be trying to forget it. Perhaps then they just don't see the complete incongruity of what they say. In many cases it seems they have managed to convince themselves they are not "bad" during their A; we tend to see it otherwise! After DDay, and much work, they can seem to "get it", then they say things that make us go hmmm.



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1763 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:49 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok Sister, you made me laugh out loud, and love the Sandlot reference. One that I use regularly.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8717 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
k94ever
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've found that you can put a whole dictionary in the word "REALLY".

Just sayin'............

k9



BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6582 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
DWBH
♂ Member
Member # 35512
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He really makes it hard sometimes for me to not make a sarcastic remark. My sarcastic nature just screams to be let out when he just leaves himself wide open. Its not like I was mad at him or anything and I didn't want to give him a dig, but I am just sarcastic and it is really hard to keep that at bay sometimes.

^^^THIS^^^

Wow, I really struggle with this at times... that door is left wide open so often, and I've really had to keep the comment-filter locked down tight.


Me: BH, 43
Her: FWW, 41 (ThornyRose)
M: 16 years, together 19
2 Daughters: 14 and 12
D Day: 9/25/2011; Lies & TT to 5/4/2012
~Double betrayal; caught them in the act~

Posts: 729 | Registered: May 2012 | From: WI
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He really makes it hard sometimes for me to not make a sarcastic remark. My sarcastic nature just screams to be let out when he just leaves himself wide open. Its not like I was mad at him or anything and I didn't want to give him a dig, but I am just sarcastic and it is really hard to keep that at bay sometimes.

Honestly - I don't think that your answer would have been sarcastic at all.

He asked you to name one thing - if he is dumb enough to put his foot into his mouth, then you should be nice enough to add some katchup and mustard to the shoe.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2012
TxsT
♀ Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very funny, and I did pee my pants!!! Sorry if that was TMI but I had a kidney procedure yesterday and not peeing was out of the question right now!!!!!

I, every once I. A while, can get in an I told you so or are you really just getting that now at 54???? I don't do it very often but I feel I have earned the right to be a bit self serving once in a while.

T


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
TxsT
♀ Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CatLover.....I actually had the OW text me saying she had done nothing wrong at all....that the A was justified. That she felt no shame, no blame, nothing......how on earth can someone like her say that to a BS??????? I guess that shows just how important she thought she was.

T


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
velvethammer
♀ Member
Member # 40437
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He asked you to name one thing - if he is dumb enough to put his foot into his mouth, then you should be nice enough to add some katchup and mustard to the shoe.

Love this! Love all of them. Thanks for the laughs this morning.


Posts: 110 | Registered: Aug 2013
velvethammer
♀ Member
Member # 40437
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry I don't know how to do the quote box yet.

Posts: 110 | Registered: Aug 2013
hopefullromantic
♀ Member
Member # 16652
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I suspect for many of us day to day life operates over a low hum of "my spouse cheated on me". Just about everything goes through that filter. The WSs OTOH often seem to be trying to forget it.

So true, catlover, it is compartmentalization at its finest.

I don't know why I learned to control the sarcasm so well, when my H doesn't seem to even notice the sidewise glare. But when the sarcasm does sneak out anyway it just feels so cruel, like someone just punched the life out of him.


It's not really a fairy tale 'till the witch is deposed and a few dragons are slain

Posts: 1787 | Registered: Oct 2007
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your husband's comment offers an interesting look into the mind of a cheater, or reformed cheater.

And it gives us an answer to the age-old rhetorical question "How Could You?"

Because they are able to deny and compartmentalize. Some people are just wired that way I suppose.


Me (BS)-45, WW-43
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1456 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Cassandra42
♀ New Member
Member # 15075
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OT: what is a 'kitchen pass'?


Posts: 48 | Registered: Jun 2007
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I suspect for many of us day to day life operates over a low hum of "my spouse cheated on me". Just about everything goes through that filter.
Cat, that is so true. I was hoping that by 3 1/2 years post d-day that it wouldn't be because, frankly, I don't want to be thinking this way for the rest of my life. It has gotten better, so I am feeling like at some point it won't be this way.
So true, catlover, it is compartmentalization at its finest.
Because they are able to deny and compartmentalize
hopefull and Sal, exactly.
But when the sarcasm does sneak out anyway it just feels so cruel, like someone just punched the life out of him.
hopefull, this is the way I feel, too. That is why I try to keep the sarcasm at bay. I don't enjoy hurting my fWH.

t/j velvethammer ~ I was going to explain to you how to quote, but I couldn't think of a concise way of telling you. Hopefully someone else can come along and explain it to you. Sorry!

t/j Cassandra ~ a "kitchen pass" for this woman is that she has to ask her husband if it is okay if she doesn't stay home and make dinner for him that night.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 2:11 PM, September 6th (Friday)]


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9801 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
myperfectlife
♀ Member
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After reading this and experiencing many, many of the same moments I wonder...

How many conflict avoiders/compartmentalizers are with sarcastic bitches?
Cause it seems like a lot.

I am forever telling my WS "you don't realize how much I WANT to say, that I DON'T say."
Or is it that they seriously are not bright enough or in tune enough to make the connection.
My therapist says I think too much, but I think the problem is that the WS just does not think enough.
I mean, really.


I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How many conflict avoiders/compartmentalizers are with sarcastic bitches?
Cause it seems like a lot.

MyPerfectLife....

Methinks that WHs don't marry sarcastic bitches....they become that way from their WHs selfishness and stupidity!


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2335 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Chicky
♀ Member
Member # 18622
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I suppose this should be filed under stupid shit they say:

Upon the, oh I don't know, 8th or so DDay, former assclown looks at me and says, "I have always had and always will have the utmost respect for you and I resent you saying I don't!" He was so emphatic that I'm surprised he didn't stomp his size 13s. I just and walked away....

[This message edited by Chicky at 5:55 PM, September 6th (Friday)]


There's a difference between giving up and knowing when you've had enough.

Posts: 558 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Somewhere Over The Rainbow
Lucky2HaveMe
♀ Member
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can so relate! We have an 8 hour round trip taking our dd to school. As you can imagine it leaves us with a lot of time to talk.. Which was awesome 7 yrs ago as I was readikng passages of Not Just Friends to him (dif kid college yr).

Anyways when we took her back a few weeks ago, I said I knew this was coming out of the blue but I wondered if he had ever had his heart broken. This led to some great discussion and I learned a lot I never knew (30 yrs and I learned new shit). And then he looks at me and says"Have you ever had your heart broken?"

Stupid question! He was like "oh yeah"

And that is 7 yrs later. Its still there but the covos are easier and I can even laugh at some of his stupidity now!

In my early days here someone said "you will know you are healed when you can laugh about all this"... Oh I was like no way in hell would I EVER laugh about THIS... But ya km know, there are times that I do... Still times I dont, and that's OK too.

[This message edited by Lucky2HaveMe at 7:33 PM, September 6th (Friday)]


Indian wisdom says our lives are rivers. We are born somewhere small and quiet and we move toward a place we cannot see, but only imagine. From Tending Roses

Posts: 6567 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

someone said "you will know you are healed when you can laugh about all this"... Oh I was like no way in hell would I EVER laugh about THIS... But ya km know, there are times that I do... Still times I dont, and that's OK too.
Thanks for sharing Lucky. Gives me hope that maybe I will be able to laugh about it someday.

We read that in "Not Just Friends" , too, Dr. Glass said something similar about laughing about it. FWH and I looked at each other and said practically in unison "Never!"


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9801 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
painpaingoaway
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 7:43 AM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And then he looks at me and says"Have you ever had your heart broken?"
OMG, about a year into R, FWH said something very similar.

Our discussion started while talking about how devastated our DS was several years ago when he broke up with his first GF. I was telling him how I happened to be in the same room with DS when the GF called him, and DS literally fell face down on the floor and screamed in agony.

FWH looked at me and said, "well, you just don't know how that feels because you told me that when you and your old boyfriends broke up it didn't hurt that bad because you were not truly in love with them, that I, (FWH), was the only one that you ever truly loved".

I just stared at him, shaking my head, and said, "seriously? Do you have any idea what you just said"?

He was like, "what"?

He never even 'got it', and I was way, way to hurt to try to explain.

Have we married morons?

Sorry sister, I'm in a bad mood this morning. (Working on back taxes, what fun).


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7102 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
Topic Posts: 41
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