I'm sorry you are struggling - I wish I had some words of wisdom but I am nowhere near getting over it myself. I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone in your particular version of this shitstorm.
[This message edited by sinsof thefather at 9:22 AM, September 6th (Friday)]
Divorced coworker OW (she has no kids) lived near work, so I am sure WH loved to be able to go over there & loved how she "thought he was the best thing since sliced bread."
After all,if he came home, I might be angry that he was never home & never helped me at all with the kids/house ( plus I also worked outside the home.) Its kind of like he checked out of our marriage.
All the while I was at home with a newborn and two year old, desperate for my husband, for adult interaction, for someone to hold the baby so I could take a shower or just walk upstairs and unpack my hospital bag that sat unpacked for months because I had no one whatsoever to help me.
^^^^^^^boy do I know what you mean! BTDT.
Since our youngest is a teenager now, I can tell you that some of that gets better.
At least, in a few years, you will be able to take a shower again,before he comes home. But there is still plenty of work to be done, that requires 2 parents.
I always thought that marriage/raising kids was supposed to be a team effort. Guess that's a fairytale.
[This message edited by shatteredheart7 at 9:32 AM, September 6th (Friday)]
He had keys to her house and cars. He took his clothes there (including the expensive shirts I had bought him...and had thr nerve to bring home the ugly ass shit she bought him). He referred to her basement as his sanctuary and, to be honest, if I had any self respect he wouldnt be breathing after he told me he went there to his basement to get away from the noise of me and our then infant and toddler.
About a yr ago I found a text from her to him on the secret phone she gave him asking if chicken for dinner that night was good.
Thing is, if fantasy house play became reality, life would not be all fun and games. It would be, you know, real life. Even idiot boy knows that to be a fact. He told me he would never make it even semi official because then he would lose the oiled massages etc. He actually told me all of this crap.
Understand I have been dealing with this since july 2007 (I was pregnant at the time). I have become ratber jaded. Im not so much hurt as using all of this as a reason for me to leave (just have to poop or get off the pot).
Imo, they do this to feel good. None of it is real. What is real is dealing with crying newborns, bills etc. These fools will always be searching for a eutopia that is not there.
[This message edited by sullymeishadomi at 11:06 AM, September 6th (Friday)]
Single OW = make believe wife
Yep. Change "Single OW" to "Single OM", and our situations were very similar, naive.
Just call me naive husband.
I'm sorry for your pain.
But I wonder if she was local how it would have been different. Would they have fucked more and how would things transpire? I need to ask him that now. lol
I agree the selfishness is mind blowing. Wow, you have a newborn and a 2 year old? And he is playing house with fucking June Cleaver? She has steak and potatos, BJ's, relaxing music, candles, wine... How can you even compete? May the OW in your case get a horrid case of herpes, triplets, varicose veins, cellulite and a wart on her nose for starters. Let her get FAT and stretch marks.
The times, they are'a changin'! -Bob Dylan
OW was a 23 year old single childless "party girl"....
I was his 41 yr old wife of 20 years who demanded that he pitch in and help with our then 14 yr old son...
She was his make believe wife, but the difference with my situation is that they played house IN MY HOME!!!!!!!! We owned a vacation home and my son and I would be there many weekends in a row and weeks at a time.. and she basically moved in my home during these times. She cooked in my kitchen, slept in my bed, showered and used my bathroom.. it was all hers in my absence... this is just so sick to me and I dont know how any human being better yet my husband of 20 years could do that.
I'm sorry. This really tears at my heart. I'm sorry he let you down in so many ways when you really needed him.
You are right. That winter he had another wife while I waited at home for him. I was lonely, thinking he was putting in long hours at work, but he was really living out his fantasy with the SOW. (Single other woman). Oh, she does look like a sow.
After DDay and after the rose colored glasses shattered, he admitted she kept a filthy house full of cat hair, dirty litter box in kitchen, nasty torn sheets, and fruit flies from a compost box kept in the kitchen.
It would have been nice for him to think about saving his own marriage before moving on to saving the world. What a couple of sad, needy idiots they were giving up their morals and principles for cheap sex.
I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.
and had intense conversations about life and how they were going to save the world.
I loved this analogy.....I know it doesn't and won't make you feel better, but it gave me great pleasure to envision my WH being yelled at by OW when things suddenly got to real in their world. She would be yelling in a totally snarky voice "clean up all these piles of rainbow coloured shit everywhere...you know I can't stand the smell of cotton candy you asshole" and him hanging his head and wishing for the good old days where he only had to deal with me and the dog and he never had to touch a piece of shit.
Sorry but thought maybe everyone might need a smile ((( hugs))
OW in my case was divorced and get this: her 6 yo child lived down the road with her mother as he was too "difficult" for her to care for!
My husband spent Tuesday and Thursday nights at her house. It's like he was a "timeshare husband" She was his wife 2 nights a week and I got to be wife for the other 5 nights....
Like you, I was home with a 5 year old and a newborn baby. He completely shit on me and the kids. He then left us and moved her to our state. They are now shacked up and playing house. I think it's just a matter of time before they are married and having a baby (she wants one desperately). I'm waiting for unicorn fartland to come crashing down.
Wow, you have a newborn and a 2 year old? And he is playing house with fucking June Cleaver? She has steak and potatos, BJ's, relaxing music, candles, wine... How can you even compete?
There is no competition. There is only a complete and utter failure on the part of the guy feigning the role of Husband/Father.