Topic: When the WS doesn't know that you know
Member # 38803
| Posted: 4:01 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013|
What are you thinking in regards to your future with your WH? Do you want to try and R? Are you done and want to D? Have you seen an attorney? If not, you really should, especially since money is missing. What your ideal outcome is will probably help determine the best direction to go in.
Of course, no matter what I think you should toy with him :-)
[This message edited by cliffside at 4:22 PM, September 6th (Friday)]
Me: BS 39
Him: WH 41
Broke NC 3/14
Very skeptically in R for now...
Posts: 269 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 32550
| Posted: 5:41 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013|
DCP, there is a refernence thread for those whose WS is into anonymous encounters:
Read it. And if there is money missing, he is probably using prostitutes too. IMO, there is no question he has gotten physical many times before. You could keep going and dig out what you think you need to know...but as previous people have suggested, you are compromising yourself being on those sites and he will lie and gaslight you anyway. If you really need "hard evidence" you should hire a PI to do this for you so it can actually be used in court if needed.
What you should be focusing on now is what do you want, what do you need, now that you know he is being unfaithful with multiple anonymous encounters. The reference thread will help you with that. It's all good SI stuff, just tweaked a bit for those who have spouses like yours.
I am so sorry you have to be here because of this. You are not alone. Take care of yourself.
BS 43, SAWH 38. M 15years, together 17. Body count in the triple digits. Both in recovery, trying to R.
Three kids under age 11.
Posts: 1481 | Registered: Jun 2011
Member # 28899
| Posted: 4:55 PM, November 9th (Saturday), 2013|
My husband doesn't know I've known about his hook-ups for about 5 years now. I have proof of him Hooking up with both Women and men. We've been married for 7 years and together for 8 years. Ive been trying to gain strength and figure out how I'm going to confront him on what I know and that I want a divorce. I'm not angry or sad about this anymore and I'm ready to move on with my life. For me the toughest part is telling him its over which will be a shock to him (even though we haven't been intimate in 4 years). Four years ago I started the talk but he, of course, denied cheating. He asked what I wanted to do, marriage counseling? And I said I don't know. I couldn't get myself at the time to say I want a divorce and I just said I don't know. Since that talk he's gone on with his hook ups and I've just kept busy with work and helping my sister care for our mom since dad passed 3 years ago. I'm so scared and nervous to talk with him about wanting a divorce but its what I want and I don't want to waste more of my life. I met with a lawyer 4 years ago and met with another one 2 months ago but haven't taken the step yet towards my new life. I've been ready a lot of messages on here and trying to gain strength
Posts: 56 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Minnesota
Member # 33806
| Posted: 6:23 PM, November 9th (Saturday), 2013|
I am in the same boat as DCP21 and stunned wife.....Moving the D process forward at this time would bring about changes in my life that I am not prepared for yet....With that being said, is anybody ever prepared for infidelity , S or D to happen in their lives ?...Maybe it is better to take a dive into the cold water, swim to the surface and to safety and be done with it and work towards rebuilding one's life...
I LOVE the suggestion somebody made about having the BS's lawyer meet this WH at the pre determined meeting place and serve the D papers then and there...I may end up following this suggestion in my own case
[This message edited by doggiediva at 6:29 PM, November 9th (Saturday)]
Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite
Posts: 1205 | Registered: Nov 2011
Member # 29514
| Posted: 8:00 PM, November 9th (Saturday), 2013|
Hire a PI to go to that meeting.
Anything less than full disclosure and total transparency is pure bullshit. WARNING! No emotional pollution allowed.
Posts: 3692 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Georgia
Member # 30396
| Posted: 8:11 PM, November 9th (Saturday), 2013|
One other thing you might consider is a key logger on his computer. While you are aware of the conversations he is having with you...how many others is he having the same conversation with? Are you able to put something on his computer to understand the bigger picture?
Just a thought. Hugs to you. I know this is a very difficult time.
Married 31 yrs, together 34
Affair Aug-Dec 09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10
Posts: 1618 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
Member # 40606
| Posted: 8:21 PM, November 9th (Saturday), 2013|
You have a rare opportunity to pull one of the greatest pranks of all time.
Tell your WH (via the web site) that you want him to meet you at a hotel and that you will book the room because you will feel safer if you make the arrangements and the hotel has your credit card. Then, find a suitable occasion to schedule a surprise birthday or anniversary party for WH at the hotel. The "cover story" is that you are planning this as a surprise and he will never suspect all the attendees to be at the hotel room. Have all of his family and your children there ready to yell "surprise!" when he walks in. Cater food and decorations. Ask that he brings lingerie for you to model for him.
Sit back and watch him squirm. Your choice whether to stay with him, try to work things out, or laugh in his face.
I would actually buy tickets to attend.
Posts: 212 | Registered: Sep 2013
|Topic Posts: 27|