Please, do take your time to mourn the loss of the relationship you (thought you) had. Use IC, your family (they seem to care a lot for you based on their reaction), friends.
It will be hard, but you will get and feel better. You are young and without deep ties to that relationship (kids, finance, etc). It can get only better from now on.
[This message edited by frankier at 9:13 AM, September 16th (Monday)]
You are one lucky man, though, but it will take time to see it.
As Sean above posted, that was my WW. She wanted to get married, I was the 'good guy', but I see now that she had some cold feet. Plus her family has a lot of emotional problems, so add in an attachment disorder and avoidance tendencies. She always had one toot out the door, but for 17 years, did 'the right thing' hoping that I would change or the M would change, not really looking at herself and her FOO.
Now at 20 years of M, I kinda have a real M, what I should have had originally.
But I feel a lot of loss of time and pain. It was a long time for me to suffer and not know what the hell was going on in her head. Hell, she didn't either.
I am so glad that you are getting a do over without kids, etc.
I guess she got the private "Prom" she always wanted.
Have you contacted a lawyer yet?
Maybe, since you've only been married a short time, you could have it annuled rather than go through a divorce.
[This message edited by toomanyregrets at 10:36 AM, September 16th (Monday)]
"Affairs are not mistakes, they are a series of deliberate choices." - CrappyLife
To add to the levels of pathetic this has gotten to, I received a dozen text messages this morning from the WW who couldn't believe I told our families already. She also tried blaming me for 'forcing her to make a decision!' and that she 'never said she wanted a divorce'. I told her that I didn't force her to tell me she didn't love me anymore and I never forced her to mention before she left that maybe we could get a dissolution.
In other news, my brother, who can be a bit of a hot head but has dealt with his own relationship issues in the past, I think took all of this the worst. He firmly believed that she wouldn't fess up to her parents and friends regarding what she did so without saying anything to me first he sent a message to all of them on facebook. Needless to say that just further added fuel to the fire. I'm mad at him for doing that, but at the same time he didn't tell them anything that wasn't true, and who knows if she would ever given the full explanation for why our marriage had already fallen apart.
I know it doesn't help, but if it were to happen, be glad it happened now and before kids were involved. Sorry to have to say that.
Best wishes and please post back how you're doing as you move through your journey. We all feel your pain brother...
WW who couldn't believe I told our families already
Aside from the lying, the indignation displayed by those cheating just flat pisses me off. They have slept with someone other than their spouse, they have lied about it, over and over again. Then they blame us; "I haven't been happy in years", "we should never have married". And when the truth finally comes out, either from us or someone else, they are outraged that we "told".
H E L L O... it is the truth. Why are they angered to have others hear it but not angered that they DID IT! She should be mortified at what she did; not that the family found out.
I am so sorry you dealing with this. Don't let her put this on you. You did nothing wrong and don't deserve her wrath.
As for your brother, well he is family and he was mad, so someday you'll forgive him.
I'm afraid so..you're mad.. bonkers.... off your head! But I'll tell you a secret...all the best people are!" -Alice in Wonderland-
My x was very hurt when I informed my family and some of his married friends as well. Told them all the gory details, spared nothing.
It was the truth, and they often don't like to face it. Much like when you rub a cat's face into the turd they lay on the carpet.
I received a dozen text messages this morning from the WW who couldn't believe I told our families already. She also tried blaming me for 'forcing her to make a decision!' and that she 'never said she wanted a divorce'.
Well WW, when you let another man go balls deep into you while committed to me, THAT was a notification from you that you didn't want to be married to me. Wish you had told me that BEFORE I spent all of that money on a marriage and my family committed themselves to you as a daughter-in-law. Your suggestion that I should NOT tell my family that the woman that they were welcoming into their house as a daughter had betrayed them shows how depraved you've become. Do not contact me again unless it is to finalize finances, return of wedding gifts, or finalize our annulment/divorce.
And go NC with her.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
I know it's not going to make you feel any better right now, but everyone is right that finding out now is a blessing. You can be rid of her before kids, etc complicate matters and make the path off of shit mountain a lot more difficult to navigate.
My WH had been cheating since before we were married. I only found out about it all 6 weeks ago, after 4+ years of marriage, a 2.5 year old, and baby number due in a week. Believe me, Clesu, you are way better off knowing who she really is now. And too fucking bad if she doesn't want everyone else to know what she did. She should've thought about that before she fucked another dude.
I'm so sorry. The ache you must feel -- literally one moment a newlywed on Cloud 9 and the next completely broken hearted.
You will go on. One day, this will just be another life experience you will have learned something from. You'll hold your head high and find a loyal woman to share your life with -- if you want to. If you don't, you'll be fine single too. The bottom line is that you will survive.
This "wife" of yours...well, she's a different story. Family, lifelong friends, old pals, co-workers...never again will these people spend their hard earned money to shower her with gifts and wedding well wishes. She got her fancy dress, people took time off from work to come celebrate with her, and she ate her cake. It was all just a show. She enjoyed the compliments about being a beautiful bride, flashed her ring, and reveled in her narcissism.
And now the party's over.
Did she really think no one would find out? I'm not saying it was your brother's place to break the news, but give him a hi-five from me!
This will follow her for the rest of her life. It will define her in the eyes of many. She deserves every last stare, whisper and cold shoulder...in time, she might be able to build herself a new shadow, but she'll never be able to hide from the mess she's made.
Best of luck to you. I hope you never find yourself lost here again.
I know it's too early to even think about it for you, but I sincerely hope you find someone wonderful who is worthy of your love. You deserve FAR FAR better than this! Take good care of yourself in the meantime...