I will bet my next paycheck on the following;
1- Your wife is screwig the guy. If she says EA its a PA. Waywards always lie and minimize. ALWAYS. Your wife is not special. Start reading, almost all of these stories are the same.
2- The OM is married- she is protecting him. Over you!
Wy do you think it is just an EA? She told you that?? LOL. DUDE, she is a liar!!! Get that in your head. Believe nothing she says, only what you see ad can verify.
All of your instincts here are wrong. You are basing your decisions on lies and deciet. The only chance you have to save your marriage is to blow this wide open. Go online, google "retrieve deleted texts iphone", it is easy to do off of the backup file. Most likely you will get what you need as far as proof.
If not, put a VAR under her seat with velcro tape. The VAR in the car took 1 day to catch my WW. You must demand NC and that she change jobs. She has no respect for you. As long as you are her bitch this will continue. Stand up to her. Get yourself an STD test and demand she do the same.
DO NOT DISCLOSE your source of info (VAR/ deleted texts). I made this mistake. I figured I had all I needed. WRONG. You will have to monitor your wife for weeks to VERIFY NC. If you give up your sources, she can take it underground more easily.
And most importantly, you must expose the affair to the OM's wife. This will end the affair. Affairs are like vampires, they thrive in the dark. The light kills them. Do NOT tell your wife you are going to expose, she will give her OM a heads up. But you need proof. Get it.
I am sorry man, trust me , I know how you feel. Eat right if you can and try to sleep. Good luck.