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User Topic: Thoughts after a year as a mod/Ask the staff
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1) how on earth do you guys have the time to read every post, and still live your regular lives?

Regular lives? What life? I can't speak for the entire staff, but I will say that I personally do not read every post on this site. I know collectively as a team that the SI staff does read every post.

2) on average, approx. how many posters are on everyday?

I don't have the stats, but I can say with 100% confidence that the answer is: A LOT!

3) can you see how many lurkers are on?

Good question for the mods and admins, but regardless of the answer, I know for a fact that there are a lot of lurkers. I see it all the time in the Betrayed Men's thread, for example. Some guy will post out of the blue, and say, "I've been lurking here for a year and a half..." I pretty much assume that the words that I read and write are being read by dozens, or maybe even hundreds of other people who are dealing with the same thing we are dealing with here, but are not registered, or not posting, but just reading and trying to heal and deal.

4) do you read our PM's?

I read and respond to every PM that I get.

5) have you ever had a situation that was so dire, that the police had to be brought into the situation?

No personal experience there, but good question.

6) have you ever had someone show up at a G2G that was completely different from what they represented themselves to be online?

I've only met one of my SI friends. He turned out to be just as awesome in person as he was online. Maybe even more so.

7) do your friends and neighbors know that you are a mod on an infidelity website?

The vast majority of my friends and neighbors, and family, for that matter, have no idea that infidelity has touched our lives. I do have one friend from high school who is a BH, and he knows my story. We've supported each other outside of SI. He's not a member, but I did mention that I had become a guide. His response was something to the affect of, "The healing power of helping others. Right on, dude!"

8) how many people have been banned over the years?

Good question!

9) do you all have assigned forums, or do you switch them up everyday? (I couldn't imagine having to read posts in JFO constantly without crying constantly).

We don't have assigned forums, but the staff is comprised of people who have experience in many different areas of the site. I can't post in JFO, since I am a madhatter, although I wish I could many times. Consequences of my actions. I tend to hover around Reconciliation quite a bit, because that is where I am working on the most in my life, and that is a complex battlefield, just like many other areas of this site. I think crying comes with the territory. It is the OC stories that get to me the most.

10) do you think I'm nosy?

Honestly? No. I think you asked a lot of really great questions.

[This message edited by LosferWords at 11:58 AM, September 7th (Saturday)]


Posts: 7635 | Registered: Dec 2010
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1) how on earth do you guys have the time to read every post, and still live your regular lives?

I get up before the roosters so I do a lot of reading while drinking my coffee before and while I get ready for work. I have two jobs but one is working from home so I fit it in and of course I am always doing work when I'm supposed to and never checking SI on work time .

I do think I'd be reading more books or exercising in my free time if I wasn't a moderator, but for now I wouldn't have it any other way. SI has been such a blessing to me, and I enjoy being part of it in this way.

2) on average, approx. how many posters are on everyday? No idea, but occasionally MH will post some interesting stats.

3) can you see how many lurkers are on? We can see who is logged in but not who is lurking.

4) do you read our PM's? To each other, no. From you, yes, of course!

5) have you ever had a situation that was so dire, that the police had to be brought into the situation? There have been times when we thought the police were needed but as far as I know, we've never intervened. Being the site is anonymous, we really don't have the right or ability to intervene that way. One of the toughest things about being here is knowing about some really tough, possibly dangerous situations, and not having IRL contact with those people.

6) have you ever had someone show up at a G2G that was completely different from what they represented themselves to be online? No, except when I met SerJr he looked the complete opposite of how I pictured him. Also, some people are quieter than I expected them to be. On here we get only their words. In person, we get the whole package and I'm always surprised when someone is introverted. I'm so chatty, I think I overwhelm some of the quieter people I meet.

7) do your friends and neighbors know that you are a mod on an infidelity website?

Only one very close friend who we introduced SI to when she was a BGF and was a member at one time. LD's sister knows, too. That's about it. I feel like I live in an alternate universe sometimes. SI is such a huge part of my life, but it's also a very private part.

8) how many people have been banned over the years? No idea.

9) do you all have assigned forums, or do you switch them up everyday? (I couldn't imagine having to read posts in JFO constantly without crying constantly).

The great thing about our staff is that we are well rounded. Some are more comfortable in certain forums than others. So, we're not assigned to them, but they're pretty much all covered.

10) do you think I'm nosy? NO, just curious .


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38203 | Registered: Sep 2007
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One thing I missed in my original post. DS and MH are fiercely protective of the members here. Since I've been a mod we found a former member who was using our members for her own site, and in some cases making fun of them. That got shut down fast.

People send hate filled e-mails to the admin e-mail almost daily. DS deals with it with grace, and it rarely gets her down. They are two incredible people, and I consider myself blessed to have them in my life, and while I don't want to speak for the rest of the staff, I know the feeling is unanimous


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 37471 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Regarding DS and MH, I'm with you .

I'm glad you mentioned that. People don't realize the crap they put up with on a daily basis.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38203 | Registered: Sep 2007
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They are two incredible people, and I consider myself blessed to have them in my life, and while I don't want to speak for the rest of the staff, I know the feeling is unanimous

Couldn't have said it better myself!


Posts: 7635 | Registered: Dec 2010
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

even if you don’t see us. We see you.

(I'd better put some clothes on... )


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20322 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@ sadinAZ


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 52737 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
painpaingoaway
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd better put some clothes on... )

Also, some people are quieter than I expected them to be. On here we get only their words. In person, we get the whole package and I'm always surprised when someone is introverted.
yep, that would probably be me. I communicate in writing far better than in person. Maybe we would just all sit there together with our phones or tablets and post to SI. 😝 Not really, I'm not that bad. The smaller the group, the better off I am.

Well thank you all for answering my many 'inquisitive' questions!


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7113 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Add me to the list of introverts who post a lot someone even said that to me at my first g2g, "oh, you're Amazonia? You talk a lot!" But I'm actually fairly quiet IRL, especially in large groups.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13812 | Registered: Jul 2011
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Big thank you for all the behind the scenes "stuff" you all do!!

My question is: why don't you make this the type of site where people must register to read and post, instead of allowing lurkers?


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3618 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My question is: why don't you make this the type of site where people must register to read and post, instead of allowing lurkers?

DS will correct me where I'm wrong, but from my understanding, the fear is that there are many people that can't or won't sign up for whatever reasons they have. It could be shame or embarrassment, or something else altogether.

Those people are still able to read and get support, even if it's silent. I've seen many posts from long time lurkers who finally decided to join after lurking for years.


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 37471 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
TrustedHer
♂ Member
Member # 23328
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe we would just all sit there together with our phones or tablets and post to SI.

BTDT.

It's not a normal part of a G2G, but I remember at least one moment sitting in Moo's living room with 3 open laptops and people posting on SI.


Take care of yourself. There's a great future out there. It won't come to you; you have to go to it.

Posts: 5182 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
EasyDoesIt
♀ Member
Member # 29514
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will say that I'm uber-grateful to the mods and staff.

I'm even more grateful for their patience and understanding. I've screwed up a lot on here and been "in-boxed" a few times for unacceptable behavior. I'm really glad they have the guidelines. It keeps this place safe for everyone.

I've sent quite a few friends here too and never divulged my screen name (or whatever it's called) to anyone. I've also never tried to figure out what identity my friends have taken on here because I appreciate the anonymous atmosphere.

The mods keep us all safe and make this a healing place. We very much appreciate your time.

<and sorry about the "I haven't read all the posts but," and for the "No stop sign so...">


Anything less than full disclosure and total transparency is pure bullshit. WARNING! No emotional pollution allowed.

Posts: 3698 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Georgia
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's not a normal part of a G2G, but I remember at least one moment sitting in Moo's living room with 3 open laptops and people posting on SI.

All those not there needing pictures.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 52737 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
Griefstricken25
♀ Member
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 12:05 AM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had no idea the stop sign comment was so hated. Good thing I've never used it.

Here's my question: You read every post, but does that mean ALL the mods read every post, or do you divvy them up among you?

Edited to say, OOPS! I see my question was answered at the top of this page. That's what I get for only reading page 1.

[This message edited by Griefstricken25 at 12:08 AM, September 8th (Sunday)]


Me!
3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2524 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 6:47 AM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess I should clarify a little. When I say read every post, we're more focused on looking for guideline infractions as opposed to content. While the content does sink in, it's more the generalizations or attacking, etc that we're looking for


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 37471 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
WhatsRight
♀ Member
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 7:26 AM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow! It is amazing - all the work y'all do. Also, a really informative thread.

I have 3 questions to add to PPGA:

1) Sorry to be dense, but...What hateful emails to the admin??? What is there to be hateful about?

2) How do I go about trying to get 'unbanned' from the Wayward forum? When I first started on SI, (I am technologically challenged) I screwed up and posted on a thread that DID have a stop sign. It was an accident, but I was (appropriately so) banned from posting there. Is there a statute of limitations on this type of stupidity? (meaning MINE!)

3) Can someone shed some light on the G2G you are talking about? You mean you actually get together IRL? Can I find out where these things happen to see if I can attend one of them? Is it by invitation only??? If so, I may be screwed!

And, I would like to add that I can't thank you enough that you allow lurkers. I lurked for 5 years! If I had not had that opportunity, I KNOW I would have never joined in order to post. And I would have never received the help I have received in all things from just being able to breathe - to learning how to stand up for myself more (still got a lot to learn there!) And, of course, I would have never gotten the chance to at least try to be of some comfort to others.

Thank you for all you do for all of us!!!

[This message edited by WhatsRight at 7:35 AM, September 8th (Sunday)]


"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy


Posts: 1889 | Registered: Apr 2012
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 7:35 AM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1) Oh, so many things. There are many angry and hateful people out there who take out their ugliness on people in the world who try to help others. People with their own agendas, people who are just evil and lash out because it's easy to be threatening and ugly when hiding behind a keyboard.

2) You can PM one of the moderators about your specific wayward forum issue and we'd be happy to discuss it with you. Let's keep this thread to general questions about the site .

3)Yes, there are IRL g2gs. The Fun and Games Forum is where people post about them. It's not invitation only, members just post when and where they want to get together and plans are made.

We are glad you came out of lurkdom and are finding the support that you need here!


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38203 | Registered: Sep 2007
WhatsRight
♀ Member
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 7:45 AM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

authenticnow...

Do you mean that they are upset that there is a place for people to get help through this - including waywards? Wow. Just WOW!

Thanks for the road maps to find out the other stuff!


"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy


Posts: 1889 | Registered: Apr 2012
gahurts
♂ Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1) Sorry to be dense, but...What hateful emails to the admin??? What is there to be hateful about?

You are not being dense - It is incomprehensible that people will attack people who are trying to help others.

I have met DS and MH in person as well as many other mods and guides. These people are the best this world has to offer. You can never ask for more caring and friendly people who go to the personal expense to help others get through a very devestating ordeal. And provide help in other areas as well through the Off Topics forum.

Yes we met at a G2G IRL. My first was just meeting with a member when we happened to be at the same place at the same time. Then we organized the one in Chattanooga and have been through a few others. I am actually itching to get to another - it's been too long. They are a blast. Everyone has such a great time and it is a good chance to put faces to names - real names and screen names. Go to F&G and look for on in your area - or start one up yourself. It can simply be a bunch of friends getting togetehr for dinner or a few planned activities.

[This message edited by gahurts at 7:54 AM, September 8th (Sunday)]


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3435 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
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