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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Has Thoughts of your WP and AP Ever Turned You On?
MsRukia
♀ Member
Member # 40219
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So currently, we are still working through the initial aftermath of the affair. I am still very much in a HB faze. It is still odd for me indeed as to me it defies my logic.
Anyways, I have a bit of a freaky side and have a fetish side as well. Prior to finding out about the affair, WH and I had discussed maybe seining or a threesome (which I decided I wasn't comfortable with.) oddly enough, OW and I were friends and discussed things of a sexual nature often. Such as fun outfits to wear, her sleeping around before settling down, fetishes etc. I ended up having a bit of a girl crush on her.
This of course was long before DDay and before I began to have suspicions about her conduct with my WH.
Anyways, I have moments where picturing them together turns me on I can't explain it, don't understand it, and I know it's not healthy. I know just about all there is to know about what they did together. The only way I can make heads or tails of it is that somehow in my mind, it's my way of being a part of their experimenting. We were vigins when we got married and so he is my only one. Part of me is sooooo pissed he experienced something sexually without me.
Anyone dealt with this before? How have you handled it? I feel too freaky because I am actually struggling a bit with this.


BS (34)
WS MisterP (37)
Together 14 1/2 years
D Day 03 Aug 13 EA & PA
D Day #2 01 Sep 13 continued EA & PA with OW
Slowly but surely finding my way.

Posts: 172 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Colorado Springs
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think it is at all weird. I mean, we are talking about sex, and all the talk of sex is likely to stir some kind of involuntary reaction. I have found that a little bit in myself, as well.

But, I don't think you need to feel guilty about it, or like you condoned it in any way. She may be one of those people who just sends of major sexual vibes and you picked up on it. I meet women like that all the time, and it can be a little confusing b/c I am not gay, but I get a little jangled, and wonder what it is that is going on.

I think women are so conditioned to see each other as sexual objects anyway -- more so than men -- so the whole thing gets confusing.


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is a personal crisis, not a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 2058 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
MsRukia
♀ Member
Member # 40219
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That makes a lot of sense bionic. She does give huge sexual vibes off. In fact WH commented that in all reality sex seems to be all she has. She has slept with so many hubby's in the neighborhood, that being friends with their wives is hard. She met her current man on bootycall.com. So you do make sense. In the wake if everything it can all be so confusing.


BS (34)
WS MisterP (37)
Together 14 1/2 years
D Day 03 Aug 13 EA & PA
D Day #2 01 Sep 13 continued EA & PA with OW
Slowly but surely finding my way.

Posts: 172 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Colorado Springs
womaninflux
♀ Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Luckily, I do not have any images of them in my head. I know who the AP is but I have never personally met her.

I am trying NOT to go there. But I could see how this might happen.


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 910 | Registered: Jun 2013
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MsRukia - as freaky as it may seem, I for a moment had turn on feelings thinking of them together. I was confused. I hate the thought now.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1397 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
Girlietoo
♀ Member
Member # 38719
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This has happened to me. Afterwards I felt dirty and wanted to throw up.


Me- 40
Him- 47
March 9, 2013- the day my heart died

Posts: 247 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
SuperDuperWonderboy
♂ Member
Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shoot, not for me. I guess it would be better, I still have images in my head and can't bring myself to do or receive certain acts that I used to enjoy. Plus no shower sex. Sigh.
Someday I guess.


My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.


Posts: 1296 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't had an orgasm,in 1.5 years without picturing my husband with another woman, but never the APs.
My therapist said it's normal. but that was a year ago.
all kinds of fun!


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

The conditions we face do not define us. They remind us of who we are and who we want to be.


Posts: 5252 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
MsRukia
♀ Member
Member # 40219
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my goodness that is a wide variety of different responses. Glad to know that I am within the range of normal. When I have had it happen, I do feel funky afterword. She was very entangled in our lives since she was a friend and our kids played together. I think it's going to take time for all of it to sort out and fade, thoughts as well.


BS (34)
WS MisterP (37)
Together 14 1/2 years
D Day 03 Aug 13 EA & PA
D Day #2 01 Sep 13 continued EA & PA with OW
Slowly but surely finding my way.

Posts: 172 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Colorado Springs
mysticpenguin
♀ Member
Member # 38839
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honestly? I've only orgasmed while thinking of my WH with another woman for a while. It's hot, he's hot, I can appreciate another woman's sexuality. Sometimes the image I have created of him and the stripper (OW2) turns me on. I am not gay but can definitely appreciate female sexuality and beauty so I think that's part of it.


Betrayed

Posts: 306 | Registered: Mar 2013
MsRukia
♀ Member
Member # 40219
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mystic..I can totally see that. In a way it's like taking the sex with someone else and finding a way to benefit from it or somehow participate in it. It is hot thinking about him with someone in a strange way.


BS (34)
WS MisterP (37)
Together 14 1/2 years
D Day 03 Aug 13 EA & PA
D Day #2 01 Sep 13 continued EA & PA with OW
Slowly but surely finding my way.

Posts: 172 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Colorado Springs
misskirby
♀ Member
Member # 34594
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Prior to DDay, one of the sure fire ways for me to get there was to imagine WH with another woman. If I was alone, that was my go-to to get me to orgasm. We also enjoyed frequent fantasy sharing and dirty talk during sex, often including another woman. Talking about a threesome or whatever. So yeah, after dday, the thought made me sick, but it was what I was used to.

Even now, if I'm alone I sometimes still think of it. I try desperately not to let the image of them come into my mind, but sometimes they pop in and I just keep going. It's already ruined a lot, I don't want to lose my orgasms too! But the dirty talk, etc, during sex has stopped. It makes me sick to think of all the times we were talking about it that he might have been imagining them there, you know? And to be fair, I think that doing that dirty talk would also make him uncomfortable now.

But no, there have been threads like this in the past, and it's completely normal. Uncomfortable, heart breaking, but normal.


Me-BS, Late 20's
Him-WH, Late 20's
M 9 years, together 14
DS and DD
D-Day 1/16/12

"Long is the way And hard, that out of Hell leads up to Light" -John Milton, Paradise Lost


Posts: 213 | Registered: Jan 2012
sri624
♀ Member
Member # 33956
Default  Posted: 2:17 AM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

you are not alone. i have had this happen to me as well. not often, but it has. i am glad that i am not the only one.


BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 3 kids under 5
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
R:Last chance

Posts: 975 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Alabama
Lonelygirl10
♀ Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh wow, I thought I was alone in this. The only way I've been able to orgasm is to think of how excited he probably was with her and how much she turned him on. It's something about the thought of him being turned on that turns me on. Afterward, I feel sick and humiliated, and I often cry afterward. I thought I was abnormal, and I was embarrassed.


30 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1205 | Registered: Jul 2013
MsRukia
♀ Member
Member # 40219
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awww my friends who are in the same boat, isn't it crazy confusing?! I will be glad for the day when it is not so.


BS (34)
WS MisterP (37)
Together 14 1/2 years
D Day 03 Aug 13 EA & PA
D Day #2 01 Sep 13 continued EA & PA with OW
Slowly but surely finding my way.

Posts: 172 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Colorado Springs
Topic Posts: 15

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