Topic: Who do you lean on in times of pain? Poll...
Member # 32811
| Posted: 4:12 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013|
Hi SI family
My life has been a bit shitty lately. My father passed away not too long ago. My life has been "challenging" at best. I was curious as to who you guys lean on in times of trouble?
I already know we ALL rely on SI, so that is not part of the options.
So, let's hear it
Posts: 2473 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: With my dad...
Member # 209
| Posted: 4:14 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013|
First and foremost, my mom.
Second my counselor.
[This message edited by click4it at 4:17 PM, September 6th (Friday)]
Two boys: 16 and 13
Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?
Posts: 25494 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
Member # 16024
| Posted: 4:16 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013|
He is always in my corner and when life gets tough we talk things through until they make sense. And when no sense can be made of things, we lean on each other and it becomes bearable.
Take up your space (and do it well).
Posts: 33827 | Registered: Sep 2007
Member # 40505
| Posted: 4:25 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013|
Can I vote for different people for different types of pain?
Physical pain - mum
Emotional pain - friends or partner
Posts: 59 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 32811
| Posted: 4:56 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013|
Posts: 2473 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: With my dad...
Member # 32616
| Posted: 5:12 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013|
I like to spread it out so as not to deplete any of my support sources. Sisters, friends, my employer family, my SO, my grandmother, my hairdresser, yoga instructor, support group, counselor, cats, and I don't care I'm saying it, SI
Posts: 2869 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Member # 32554
| Posted: 5:39 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013|
I have no one. I've never had anyone. I don't know how to lean on a person. It's been strange having an IC and opening up to her & hearing her words of support. It's been strange opening up to the people at church and hearing their words of support. I have an extremely difficult time accepting people's help. All my life accepting sympathy has equaled people telling me what to do and being pissed at me when I didn't do what I was told. I have done a very poor job picking the right people to be in my life. Hopefully I'm healthier now and the people I'm beginning to form relationships with are healthy & good for me.
The only constant support I've had in my life has been my faith. NOT church (until now). My faith. That's it.
Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
Posts: 8387 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 36697
| Posted: 5:43 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013|
My Mom mostly. I also know that I can talk to my best friend about anything and everything and that he won't let me bullshit him.
Posts: 1262 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Arizona
Member # 26928
| Posted: 5:50 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013|
For many, many years, I was just like NG. I had no one to lean on- no close friends that I confided in, no close relationship with mother or father, and felt that my siblings were too busy with their own lives and didnt want to burden them.
When I met current H, he became that person that I grew to lean on. What's odd is that it took a lot of time and coaxing on his part before I felt that I could lean on him. It simply wasn't in my nature to do so.
However, H is now that person along with my baby sister. She is 10 years my junior (and in many ways more like a daughter to me than a sister), but she's got such a level head that we find ourselves calling one another when we need an ear.
Me - 41
My Rockstar (Hubs #2) - 46, faithful, & an absolute doll!
DD(20) and DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids (4 Dogs and 2 Cats)
WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW. Undiagnosed SA?)
Note: I edit often for typos/clarity.
Posts: 5250 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: United States
Member # 36126
| Posted: 6:58 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013|
I lean on my friends from middle school when I am way off. A little off my college friends. Everyday things new friends. I guess I need a lot of support
In all seriousness I think it depends on my mood. Sometimes a perfect stranger like a store clerk decides to share something or you do and for that brief moment a connection is made. Sometimes when life gets too much I do something out of the box and listen to other people or simply take a break.
For example I recently went out to a dinner with someone I never before considered going to dinner with and enjoyed myself. It was nice to help
I also think my favorite coffee at Starbucks seems to help or my favorite song. My friend from college use to tell me it is like developing a tool belt always having the skills and tools to handle life's surprises.
Be good to yourself is by far the greatest tool in my opinion.
Posts: 617 | Registered: Jul 2012
Member # 25001
| Posted: 7:33 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013|
I lean on my mom mostly. Sometimes my kids depending on the issues and I have a couple of wonderful SI friends that I can trust and lean on. My husband is never there for me
Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Him - (Doesn't matter)
D-Day June 12th 2008, D-Day #2 Sept 28th
D-Day #3 Feb 15th & 16th 2010, D-Day #4 Nov 29th 2010
Posts: 5086 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Member # 20547
| Posted: 7:36 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013|
Physical pain: My H.
Emotional pain: Myself.
Father deceased (he was my go-to guy, died when I was 21). My mother is and always has been absent. My brother is younger and not nearly as strong as me emotionally (and neither is my H).
[This message edited by Want2help at 7:38 PM, September 6th (Friday)]
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
6 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell
Posts: 1911 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
Member # 13333
| Posted: 7:37 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013|
My sister. She is my rock.
Every Storm Runs out of Rain ~ Gary Allen
Posts: 5273 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
Member # 12041
| Posted: 9:07 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013|
Ummm. Weird. I didn't realize this about myself until I tried to answer this. I whine and worry with the S.I. staff, and I'll talk to my husband for sure. But if something really hurts? I think I turtle until it doesn't hurt to talk about it and I try to sort it out myself the best I can, and then talk to my mom or my sister.
“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin
Posts: 42214 | Registered: Sep 2006
Member # 13447
| Posted: 6:31 AM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013|
Used to be my sister, but she went loony bird and left her BH for our cousin.
I can go to my dad, but it's usually about the M and he's very pro-MrH so it's not my first instinct.
Basically I pray and save it up and bring it to my IC. It sucks but I don't feel like anyone else is safe. They all encourage me to stay M and that keeps damaging me. I don't know what I'll do if other issues come into my life.
"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*
❣Your soulmate is the person who helps grow your soul into a better being rather than tearing it down❣
Posts: 10791 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Limbo
Member # 10347
| Posted: 6:42 AM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013|
I was curious as to who you guys lean on in times of trouble?
Passed away in 1993, and I would not saddle her with my troubles anyway; she had more than enough of her own.
Um, no. I couldn't even talk to my father about the weather, let alone anything personal. (He's been gone for 5 years now, too).
Sometimes I confided things in a friend, not sure if it was BFF but would be someone who I thought might understand based on the situation at hand. Sometimes it would be my sister.
Husband? In many cases, but I needed someone else in addition to him if he was the main source of the pain. I always say the only reason I went to IC was because I needed a "friend" that I felt comfortable confiding in. I didn't go for advice; in fact I would not return if they tried to suggest to me how I should live my life in any way, or try to project to me how I feel about things. I know how I feel about things and will make my own decisions in life even if sometimes they turn out to be wrong.
[This message edited by Bobbi_sue at 6:43 AM, September 7th (Saturday)]
Posts: 5531 | Registered: Apr 2006
Member # 37091
| Posted: 7:34 AM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013|
My mom. I feel bad because she has her own issues but she always calls just when I'm hurting, not sure how she knows when to call me. I cry she calls or texts asking me what's wrong. She is my rock.
My brother. He is level headed and oh so calm. He gives me advise and is we get along like best friends. He can always make me laugh, on the worst day I've ever had he drove to me and hugged me until I stopped crying..then he made it his mission to make me smile.
My 2 BFFs. One is outspoken and out there. The other one is calm and collected. I love them both dearly. They have stood by me during my worst and love me as I love them.
My dad. I love him and can talk to him but not about everything. He has very strong views on certain things and telling him all I would tell my mom or brother is just not a good idea.
FSO was my rock. I still talk to him when something bothers me...
[This message edited by Unagie at 7:35 AM, September 7th (Saturday)]
FWGF/BGF-me, BBF/WBF-Him, MH's Together 10 yrs
Both had DDays and TT
Do not let others be your reference for who you see in the mirror.
Stop allowing people to hurt you, because you don't love you enough to walk away.
Posts: 2273 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 25395
| Posted: 8:38 AM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013|
In any time of crisis, my very first instinct is to pick up the phone and call my dad. Always.
But in terms of who I lean on in times of trouble, not in a moment of panic, the list goes:
DDay: August 23, 2009
Together 13 years.
Posts: 1604 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: not toronto anymore
Member # 24824
| Posted: 9:49 AM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013|
It's so alien to read about people leaning on others, but it also piques my curiosity. For me, it's always been and probably always will be myself that I turn to in any type of pain.
What are you going to do when he leaves you?
Posts: 542 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Europe
Member # 36869
| Posted: 12:00 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013|
First - G-d. (We don't spell out the name)
Second - my Mom. Now, my Mom died in January, but I still "talk" to her, because I feel like she's my guardian angel now.
Third - my sister, but she has enough problems of her own, plus she's 3000 miles away.
Funny enough, I never "talk" to my late H. He never supported me emotionally in real life; why ask now?
Be careful what you wish for the most - you may get it.
Posts: 314 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: VA
|Topic Posts: 39|