Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: tooclose (44327)

Off Topic Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Who do you lean on in times of pain? Poll...
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Situational friends. I've actually been thinking about this a lot recently, because my family is not emotionally supportive or close, and I've never been good at keeping up long term friendships, so no BFF of many years or even who I would guess would consider me a BFF in return in the present.

I have specific people in different parts of my life who I go to, a coworker for the job I just ended, a classmate for school, a few girlfriends for relationship stuff, a cousin for family drama, a good friend who is in the career I am starting for work stuff that's just starting... There is minimal overlap.

Some days it worries me that I compartmentalize as much as I do, and that I don't have anyone who I'm closer to. I had really hoped to find that connection in my XH but didn't, like, a thousand fold the opposite, which I've really struggled with too, wondering how I got into a marriage that didn't fulfill me emotionally, presumably without realizing it despite how much I desired it.

Emotional intimacy is hard to come by.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13572 | Registered: Jul 2011
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I tend to turtle - retreat into my protective shell, especially if the time of pain is affecting my family.

When it's "safe" for me to come out, I lean on my sister, a small circle of dear IRL friends, and the SI staff.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24442 | Registered: Aug 2011
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's my nature to not show pain. To get metaphysical, it has something to do with my Scorpio rising. Personally, I think it's a wild animal instinct--if you show pain, you get eaten.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 19812 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 6:29 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me, myself, and I.

Betrayed in the past by family, supposed BFF, and others so I no longer trust anyone (my mother passed five years ago and I partially leaned on her until then). I have developed, out of necessity, my own coping skills and internal strengths. It may not be the best solution, but it works for me, and I haven't let myself down yet...


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 979 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Ariabook
♀ Member
Member # 39669
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My DD

She's only 1 but a kiss and a hug from her makes it all a bit better. I cry harder, but the pain lessens.


Separated
Wants nothing to do with our daughter
No Contact

Posts: 75 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Newwhere
cinnamongurl
♀ Member
Member # 37879
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SO... in the past, and again quite recently. He has become my rock again. He will hold me til I feel safe again. We have been to hell and back so many times together, sometimes that's all I need to help me find my way.
Sometimes my mom, depending on what it is.
My brother is far away, but we are really close, and have very few secrets. We have been through so much together, I feel like sometimes there are things only he can understand.


Me: 36 fWGF He: 35 BBF and my heart
Together 17 yrs. "You were sick, but now you're well again, and there's work to do."
Kurt Vonnegut



Posts: 502 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: home with my heart.
ExposedNiblet
♀ Member
Member # 30803
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I trust in God and myself.

I tried the leaning on family (too judgemental), XH (too uncaring) and friends (too loose-lipped).

In the end, it's between The Big Guy and me.

So far, we've done just fine.


Divorced
Me ($39.95 plus S & H)
DS1(17), DS2(15)

Enjoying this chapter in my life.
Learning that being alone does not mean being lonely.
Discovering that where I've been is not as important as where I'm going.


Posts: 355 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Right Here, Canada
jjsr
♀ Member
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Noone anymore. My parents are dead. My siblings have more issues then I do. The one friend, I thought I had, when all this happened was very supportive and then withdrew her friendship which left me alone. My husband doesn't deal well with emotional shit which is one of the reasons our marriage hit the skids, although he is trying but he will never be able to in ways that I wish he could.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1593 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Texas
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The outdoors/nature/trees - when I'm really in pain and not ready to talk about it yet

Sister and SO when I'm ready to talk. My sister more than my SO just cuz she's an amazing counselor personality type. SO is sweet but not much to say.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. dating again, living in the sticks with a cat. It's taking a long time to create new dreams and a new life but it is slowly coming together.

Posts: 5738 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My faith. I tend to turtle. Once The initial shock and pain wear off -it depends on the situation. BFF and GFs .


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4860 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mainly myself. My H sometimes, depending on the situation, but he really isn't that supportive, and he has a F it attitude towards many things. It's how he stays happy. I wish I could say my parents or my sister, but I have been burned, and honestly don't feel that close to any of them these days. So yah, me.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7827 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
sullymeishadomi
♀ Member
Member # 16305
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In the past it was my friends and family.

Family now gone.

Most of my friends are gone so im not too keen on sharing.

If I cant say SI then its nobody.


People tell you exactly who they are...why expect them to be what they are not

Posts: 8210 | Registered: Sep 2007
Exit Wounds
♀ Member
Member # 32811
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for your input. I must say I thought I was a bit "child like" b/c I always longed for having a mother that would be there for me...yes, even at the age of 43.

It makes me feel better, reading that so many of you do depend on your moms. My mother is not that kind of "mom" so I missed out but I see that I am not the only one...

Hugs to all

(((((SI)))))

[This message edited by Exit Wounds at 9:47 AM, September 11th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 2478 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: With my dad...and my dog...
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 2:51 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No one-mom's gone, dad's overseas, spouse, well you know.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5386 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
Exit Wounds
♀ Member
Member # 32811
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((64fleet)))))

Posts: 2478 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: With my dad...and my dog...
stronger08
♂ Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have learned to lean on myself. Its not because I don't have a support system, I do. But when it comes down to the nitty gritty I think I have come far enough to have trust in myself again. And I like to be in control with my own destiny. Sure I'll speak to friends and family. But in the end no one really knows what going on inside of you but yourself. And I'm smart enough now to catch the signs of depression and anxiety. If I feel them coming on I get my ass back to IC for a tune up. I also like talking to my dog. He is a great listener and has never given me bad advice. LOL !!!!


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5568 | Registered: Nov 2007
Rollercoaster
Member
Member # 1298
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Deleted due to duplicate post!!!

See below

[This message edited by Rollercoaster at 12:47 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)]


Me BS 55, WS 55
Reconciled

Posts: 4059 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: California
Rollercoaster
Member
Member # 1298
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First God, however

I tend to turtle - retreat into my protective shell, especially if the time of pain is affecting my family.

This is me exactly!

When it's "safe" for me to come out, I lean on my small circle of friends, and then my sister.

[This message edited by Rollercoaster at 4:26 PM, September 9th (Monday)]


Me BS 55, WS 55
Reconciled

Posts: 4059 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: California
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

-if you show pain, you get eaten.
Yeah, that was me for years. I used to keep it all inside and figure things out in my head and sometimes just go into the bathroom and cry by myself.

Growing up and for my earlier years there was no one. Family is somewhat judgmental and spouses were emotionally bankrupt.

Now, I do talk to my mom about some things but she is older and can't handle much anymore so I don't lean on her as much as I used to and I can't tell her everything. Sister I go to when the psychoX is acting up, for legal advice and support.

BFF is the one I go to most now, especially with romantic problems and pain. She knows me inside and out and she knows what I can handle and when I need to call it quits.

Past few months I had learned to lean on my new SO, but things are a bit rocky there right now and our circumstances are the cause of most of my pain. I still try to talk it thru with him but I also need outside advice and support so I have 2 trusted friends I can tell just about anything to and I will post on here every once in a while.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15117 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Topic Posts: 39
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: Off Topic Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.