My Uncle did something similar to my Aunt a couple of years ago. Luckily they had no children, but after almost 30 years of marriage he just walked out. Gave her the house - basically did anything just to erase her from his life. Wanted no contact from her at all. Everything through a lawyer. He adored their dog. Boom, bye bye dog, never looked back. It's as though his life with her never existed. He married the OW (who needed a green card - HA!) as soon as humanly possible. When I think about it now, I think he too is a sociopath.
And my Aunt was a wreck, but she is doing AMAZING now. She truly is better off without him.
Keep posting here, we're here to help and again, I'm so sorry. Hugs to you.
He wants to terminate all parental rights, meaning no CS but no contact either. So it's both good and bad, and I think the good outweighs the bad here. I know if I did try to fight for CS, the monster I now know him to be would make my life as miserable as possible because I dared to say "no" to him. I think this was my only clue about his sociopathic tendencies from the marriage. When we were still together, if anyone ever refused to do what he wanted, he went ballistic. Usually he could put things in a way that made you feel stupid to disagree with him so this rarely happened. I feel pretty stupid that I never saw it for the problem it was.
Dark Inertia, his mother died several years ago and he never had a great relationship with his father. I have talked to his dad a few times. I remember the first time he called me, he could barely get any words out, he was crying so hard. I know how terrible he feels about this. I think he's the one who most suspected all along but never did or said anything about it.
I've been thinking about offering to let his father meet DD...I don't know when I'll feel ready to do that, but it feels like the right thing to do. Has anyone had experience with that?
Don't worry about when your daughter asks. You will be healed and showing her how strong a woman can be. That my dear is te best gift you can give a young girl.
You will be strong and you will be ok it may seem overwhelming right now but once those papers are signed some real healing will occur.
Don't be in a hurry to find another man. Show yourself that you are perfectly happy on your own. Then when the next guy comes along you won't be tempted to tolerate any nonsense, and be treated like the queen you are.
Second-it sounds like he has had this planned for a while. Like your therapist said, a math equation, he also did that with your marriage. Told you, then had B, C, D, E etc already in the works. I know you're sad and hurt for you and your daughter. I am, too. I am also sad for that poor woman who is going to marry him. An acquaintance did something similar; cheated on his wife, got the OW pregnant, got his W pregnant, then signed the rights off to the OW's son. Don't think for one second he doesn't think about that little boy every day. I've seen him cry over him. His decisions haunt him every day. And he isn't even with his W anymore.
As for making a deal with the devil, YOU are not. HE did. When he signed those termination of parental rights away, he signed up for a life time of hurting. Know that. And he gave you and your DD the greatest gift of them all...his absence. What kind of role model would he have been for your daughter? She could have grown up with him in and out and then have "daddy issues" with her own relationships.
I apologize if I sound harsh, you absolutely got the best end of this deal. You got the best of him, your DD. You sound super strong and YOU will be the role model your daughter deserves.
Life will catch up with this man and I assure you, it won't be pretty. You, on the other hand, will be living the high life.
Hugs to you and your sweet daughter. Here's to REAL MOMS.
I think your daughter will be fine, and one day she may have questions and be disappointed in who her "father" is, but remind her that every person has the right to make choices and just because he is her "father" doesn't mean he has the capacity to make good choices. Doesn't mean she should take that as some sort of reflection on herself.
I wonder in situations like this what would make a person lie about something so HUGE like being married and denouncing a child. You have to be completely insane. What does OW do when she finds out too, that her WS left his own kid for her? She will go on loving him, but in the back of her mind she will always wonder if he did it to you he is capable of doing it to anyone (read: her)
You're free. She's not.
Hugs to you, I admire your strength...
[This message edited by Broken1Again at 6:05 PM, September 7th (Saturday)]
Anyway that is the daughter I spoke about in my earlier post. The story becomes very strange when she files for D and CS. ( he did not leave her financially well off and in fact left her almost bankrupt). Her son was born autistic and he was so sure that he was incapable of fathering an "imperfect" child that he accused her of an affair and refused to pay CS. Court ordered but he has been in arrears for many years!
Meanwhile as time went on he wanted his daughter but not her son. She had to explain why his father never asked about him or wanted to see him. She handled it with as much dignity as she could by explaining that his father was a mixed up man who didn't know how to be a dad. I think most importantly she never bad mouthed the asshat....ever...in front of her children. She is my hero and handled a disgusting situation with dignity and class. She has rebuilt her life and raised her children to be amazing individuals.
I hope that you can find the right way to explain things when the time comes. ((( hugs )))
I've been thinking about offering to let his father meet DD...I don't know when I'll feel ready to do that, but it feels like the right thing to do.
As for grandpa - hold off on anything there till the papers are signed and then I'd wait until he actually asks to see her before you make a decision. I tend to agree that any open door there could lead to future problems for you and DD - and your only job now is to protect yourself and DD. The last thing you want are any strings connected to this cold heartless bastard.
As straight forward as the advice you are getting is - know that it is still going to hurt like hell, that you are still going to grapple with feelings of rejection, that you are still going to mourn what should have been and even who you thought he was. We all get that: you gotta go through to get through it. You are doing great and you sound strong, but we're here when you feel weak too.
It's going to be okay - hell, it's going to work out great in time.