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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I am not a serial killer nor a Rapist not a Pedophile - Then Why
devasted30
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not the greatest person on earth - was not the best wife....,but I did not deserve this.
I would rather be DEAD then be going through this.

Posts: 924 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
Mack9512
♀ Member
Member # 38619
Default  Posted: 7:45 AM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((D30))))

I have no words of wisdom but that we ALL have felt this way at one point. It will pass. It may take time, but it will happen.

Sending you thoughts of strength and peace.
Mack


"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coehlo

Posts: 378 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
annb
♀ Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good morning, devastated, "Why" is the million dollar question we've all asked. Is your WH in counseling to at least get an understanding how he allowed himself to cheat? I don't think finding out the "why" will help you heal, infidelity is an ugly and painful pill to swallow.

was not the best wife

^^^Being the best wife means you are seeking perfection. None of us is perfect. We have all made mistakes in our marriages, none of which are justifications to cheat.

Have you met with a doctor for some meds to help you cope? They will take the edge off of this nightmare, even temporarily.

You WILL survive this, focus on things that make you happy and motivate yourself to do them. Be gentle with yourself, this roller coaster can be a bitch, it's such a long, long ride.

All of us have felt the way you do, you will find that inner strength you never knew you had. It WILL get better.

(((Hugs)))


Posts: 7389 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
Girlietoo
♀ Member
Member # 38719
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have these thoughts too and they only small comfort I can extract is remembering our trusted therapist say; his affair wasn't about you and what you did or didn't do. I have to remind myself of this often.

I used to think I would rather be dead than go through this, in fact, until I just typed out that I too would rather be dead than go through this, I realized that isn't true anymore. I don't want to be dead. My husbands affair is not worth me being dead.

While I started this post to commiserate with you, and believe me I do, I just this second had an Ah Ha moment and I think I might actually be getting better.

You ah ha moment will come too. As the wise ones here always say, give it time. The wound will heal into a scab then finally a scar. And you will have overcome what threatened to kill you.


Me- 40
Him- 47
March 9, 2013- the day my heart died

Posts: 236 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
Twentyplus
♀ Member
Member # 39593
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His why and your why are different. Eat well, sleep, music or whatever lifts you, sky, flower, pet, friend, hot bath, jasmine tea,soft body lotion, Project Runway, silence, SI, AA, wind, grass, journal. Seek. You will find your true voice, one day at a time.

PM me if you like.

Twenty


"But we must supply our own light." - Stanley Kubrick


Posts: 51 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: The Big Blue Sea
kansas1968
♀ Member
Member # 32214
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The lead up to his affair mirrors so much what was going on in our marriage prior to my husbands affair. I had completely withdrawn, was depressed, and had pretty much cut of sex. I thought he probably didn't miss it.

Of course, I still had to go through the almost unbelievable pain of finding out about an affair. His was seven years. I didn't think I would be able to get over it, but I pretty much have. Still a little tough sometimes, but mostly good. Much, much, better than prior to the affair.

Even though it feels so personal, they really don't equate the affair with hurting us. It is a totally selfish thing they do for themselves and tell themselves that it has nothing to do with us.

They learn better, but the damage is done.

I am coming up on year number three since dday, and it really is much better. It has taken a lot of hard work, some really rough times, and a lot of counselling, but I know we will stay together.

He chose the wrong path to deal with his unhappiness, just like my husband chose the wrong path. Ultimately it caused him more pain than it brought him happiness. He has to live with his betrayal. All I have to do is try and forgive him.
Hugs, K


Me - BS
Him - FWS
DD - December 14, 2010
Married 43 years 1/14/2011
Affair lasted 7+ years
Affair had been over for 2 years before I found out. OW sent me a letter.

Posts: 1279 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Kansas
Topic Posts: 6

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