How come we don't just drop dead from all this pain...I LOVED loving my husband...my life has been emptied out....I try and focus on my children but I just feel so lonely and it feels like there is no reward at the end of the week....I was not a hard person to please.....I wasn't demanding....I was an easy going and kind person to live with...my children and husband WERE MY LIFE...
I was where you were--in such depths of anguish, shock and despair that I was certain I would indeed drop dead from the pain. But I did not. Nobody here has. And it is because we and you are much stronger and resilient than you think.
It does not seem like you have any life ahead of you if it is not with him. I was convinced of this too. I was mad about my wife. She brought light into my life. I called her "My light."
Then my light brought darkness and ruination so remorselessly I cannot express in words the pain I went through. You just have.
I am still in pain. But I am getting through it. I had to get out of the very special pain of the limbo that you are in. My pain has changed. I am scared. I am depressed. But I am also hopeful and quite certain that someone else is waiting for me, the real light of my life, wondering where I am.
But first things first. Remove yourself from this man. The pain of withdrawal will be deep and overwhelming, but it must be done. Life has dealt you a horrible, unfair blow. It is staggering you.
But take action and take it now. Please. I am mere months ahead of you and I can tell you that I feel better. Not good. Not happy. Far from it. Not yet. But I am moving very slowly, in fits and starts, toward my new life apart and away from my bringer of pain.
Please don't give in to despair. Take steps now. You will be relieved you did the right thing for you.