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User Topic: Can't process the pain..help please..
Mochagurl
♀ Member
Member # 14660
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey,
I understand how hopeless and sad this must seem to you. I too feel so tricked and sad about the whole thing. Your WH came clean and went out and cheated again. My h
WH told me it was over and has kept on seeing her and lying to my face over and over that he wasn't seeing her. I thought I was crazy.

My story is similar, WH and I married young, he had an affair at year 7. We got through that I thought we were stronger, but 15 years later it happened again, worse this time. Telling me to my face how. We shouldn't be together. We have nothing in common. Also, mentioned that I was basically stupid cuz he has a grad degree.

We got through that too. And I promised myself never again. The crap I put this family through, he was not worth it.

About this time I also got a job and have been counseled to death. I have much more self esteem now.

So guess what another affair. I am telling him to get out we are divorcing. Well there were some events happening and I decided to wait. Still am waiting. About 3 months.

The moral of the story? If he has cheated more than once, he will cheat again. Try and make changes in your life think of things to do without him. I like you meet my husband when I was young and this is scary and challenging. But I must leave, you and I are both worth more than this crap they are doing to us.

Hugs and take care


Me: BS-55
Him: WS-55
Married: 35 years
DD 36, DD 25, DS 22, DD 19
You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.

Posts: 191 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Ohio
Willneverlearn
♀ New Member
Member # 34698
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I often feel like I am being punished for "something" - I'm not sure what but I find it hard to believe in karma as it would nearly seem my husband is rewarded for his choices. Career wise it's all happening....he has a very plausible character to most...he's the funny guy...the charmer...makes sure everybody likes him.....he is living comfortably right now...flying around the country ....all at his fingertips....lives in a lovely place overlooking the lake and seems very happy.

He has played with my mind so much that in the back of my mind I'm still waiting for him to choose me as I just can't accept that he would throw away what we had...or what I thought we had.....I will never be the same person and I am so scared that nobody will ever want me....I am not a flirt...nor do I try to attract attention to myself....I have never done this before....I have never had to impress anybody....he has always been in my life...before my best friend he was my brothers best friend....I don't remember him not in my life...either I am a slow learner or my heart just can't or won't survive without him....I don't know if I love him anymore...I don't know what my feelings are....I'm a trusting person and I don't know how to change that....I am questioning my entire life with him....last Xmas day he choose to be with her.....unbeknown to myself....but who can do that....who doesn't want to wake up on Christmas morning with their children...I can't understand those kind of choices.......

How come we don't just drop dead from all this pain...I LOVED loving my husband...my life has been emptied out....I try and focus on my children but I just feel so lonely and it feels like there is no reward at the end of the week....I was not a hard person to please.....I wasn't demanding....I was an easy going and kind person to live with...my children and husband WERE MY LIFE...

Damn this...it is not fair..

I just seem to go around and around in circles....it it So blooming hard to smile.....


Posts: 24 | Registered: Jan 2012
sullymeishadomi
♀ Member
Member # 16305
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Will)) im not very good with comfirting words etc, but I wanted to tell you I understand and I hurt for you.


People tell you exactly who they are...why expect them to be what they are not

Posts: 8245 | Registered: Sep 2007
Mochagurl
♀ Member
Member # 14660
Default  Posted: 7:17 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Will never,
It seems so scary, but can you honestly spent the next 40 years doing this?

Look back at a recent post of mine. Some of my issues are very similar to yours and I got so many good and honest answers. I am retreading the posts nightly to remind me I am worth so much more.

Instead of praying for him to choose me, pray for help to get out of this nightmare.

Baby steps will get you there.


Me: BS-55
Him: WS-55
Married: 35 years
DD 36, DD 25, DS 22, DD 19
You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.

Posts: 191 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Ohio
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How come we don't just drop dead from all this pain...I LOVED loving my husband...my life has been emptied out....I try and focus on my children but I just feel so lonely and it feels like there is no reward at the end of the week....I was not a hard person to please.....I wasn't demanding....I was an easy going and kind person to live with...my children and husband WERE MY LIFE...

Willneverlearn,

I was where you were--in such depths of anguish, shock and despair that I was certain I would indeed drop dead from the pain. But I did not. Nobody here has. And it is because we and you are much stronger and resilient than you think.

It does not seem like you have any life ahead of you if it is not with him. I was convinced of this too. I was mad about my wife. She brought light into my life. I called her "My light."

Then my light brought darkness and ruination so remorselessly I cannot express in words the pain I went through. You just have.

I am still in pain. But I am getting through it. I had to get out of the very special pain of the limbo that you are in. My pain has changed. I am scared. I am depressed. But I am also hopeful and quite certain that someone else is waiting for me, the real light of my life, wondering where I am.

But first things first. Remove yourself from this man. The pain of withdrawal will be deep and overwhelming, but it must be done. Life has dealt you a horrible, unfair blow. It is staggering you.

But take action and take it now. Please. I am mere months ahead of you and I can tell you that I feel better. Not good. Not happy. Far from it. Not yet. But I am moving very slowly, in fits and starts, toward my new life apart and away from my bringer of pain.

Please don't give in to despair. Take steps now. You will be relieved you did the right thing for you.

Strength.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1616 | Registered: Dec 2012
cantgetup
♀ Member
Member # 36146
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry for the pain that is coming through in your post. The letter, while initially appears confusing vs his actions, is really quite the opposite.
It makes things crystal clear for you. I know you don't feel there is anything positive about what you know now, but there are so many BS who do not have the benefit of this clarity that your WH is providing to you. I know it's not what you want to hear, but for yourself and your children--do not give that man one more minute of your life.


Posts: 314 | Registered: Jul 2012
anewday78
♂ Member
Member # 39357
Default  Posted: 11:21 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

...do you really think someone is capable of writing such and not meaning it..

You what kind of person is capable of writing such an eloquently insincere apology letter? This type of person:
a sociopath, a mind-fucker, a total asshole.

He truly is a sociopath because:
The letter seems to show that he knows exactly the pain and hurt he's causing it's very rational too - he doesn't sound 'foggy' in the slightest and yet he carried on.

You must find the courage to take a stand and see him for the person he is - the person he's always been. The man you've always adored has always been an illusion. That's how sociopaths operate - they cunningly package themselves in ribbons and bows they've learned are your favorite colors. Unfortunately, when you get past the pretty exterior packaging and look into the box, the contents are black - the interior is a black hole that sucks all of the light and energy from anything and anybody within its reach.
If I were you, I would write him an equally eloquent letter explaining exactly why I no longer want to be with him, see him, or speak to him. I would let him know that he no longer has me fooled and that he is a despicable, empty shell who is not worthy of my love and affection. Do not fall for his illusions any longer. Run.

Posts: 350 | Registered: May 2013
Topic Posts: 27
Pages: 1 · 2

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