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Newest Member: DisappointedDude (43160)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Don't need to thank her for anything
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So apart from the whole infidelity thing, there are other things I'm bitter about from our separation and impending divorce. The biggest ones:

- I don't have my default emergency contact anymore.

- I'm flat broke.

- I don't have my walking group friends anymore (other end of the city).

- I don't see my kids everyday.

Sometimes when I'm trying to be positive (it happens once in a while), I reflect on how much I love my new life without The Princess, and think maybe I should be happy she enabled that.

Fuck THAT!

She put me in a shitty situation, and I have made the most of it. My new life is all on me. She enabled NOTHING, and she certainly didn't have my best interest at heart while she was slapping her thighs against her ears!

Yay me!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 10 and 13
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1344 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Be happy and thank yourself that *you* are strong enough to grab this opportunity and make your life better.

I used to thank ex-shat that he left me so that I could have this amazing new life. Fuck that. I have this great new life because I took all the piles of shit that he handed me and pressure cooked the fuck out of it till I got diamonds.

Fuck her. She handed you a bunch of fallout shit. You will find a way to make it amazing and you know what is even better? Realizing that you are the one that is making it happen. Awesome progress pass.

[This message edited by tesla at 10:04 AM, September 8th (Sunday)]


ish kabibble

Posts: 4171 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
laney57
♀ Member
Member # 35617
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

YAY you Pass! It's so easy for us on the outside to see how truly amazing you are and what YOU have done for youself and your kids :).


Me - BS, 43
Him - WH, 45
Married - 22 years
D-Day - 05/12/2012
Trying to find me.
Gotta do this, but I'm broken - headed for divorce - 02/20
Hell if I know - 02/24
INS 07/2013 Divorcing

Posts: 226 | Registered: May 2012 | From: KY
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have this great new life because I took all the piles of shit that he handed me and pressure cooked the fuck out of it till I got diamonds.

Goin to the quote thread!


Posts: 5996 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Amen, pass. This life is all yours.


You can call me NIK

There's always failure. And there's always disappointment. And there's always loss.
But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.
- Michael J. Fox


Posts: 22557 | Registered: Aug 2011
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

EXACTLY. None of this "In a way, I should be thankful that WS betrayed me and my family because now I have this awesome life" BULLSHIT! (by the way ... cough ... cough ... ... I did think like this in the past) Being strong and moving forward is thanks to OURSELVES!


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
I FINALLY GOT A COURT DATE: 5/29/14!!

Posts: 1830 | Registered: Oct 2012
gahurts
♂ Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

YAY you Pass! It's so easy for us on the outside to see how truly amazing you are and what YOU have done for youself and your kids :).

^^^^^This!!!!

You made the best out of a shitty situation Pass. You too Tesla. And the rest of us who were fed this shit sandwich and survived.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3065 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
hopeandchange
♂ Member
Member # 33287
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, yes and yes!

I do not see my kids every day

I lost my best friend, confidant and companion

Life savings are gone, poof!

And the lies, secrets and contradictions have changed me forever and not in a good way

But bitterness is probably only there due to stbxww inability to acknowledge the many good things I have done for her and the pure destruction her A caused

h&c


BH (me, 50)
WS (her, 48)
Divorced!
3 wonderful teens
Heading for Happiness

Posts: 401 | Registered: Sep 2011
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you and know exactly how you feel. I felt like that for a long long time and it still crops up now and then.

Here's the good thing though - all of the things you mention are not forever. They are here now and not by your choice so that sucks. She did make those things change by her selfish actions. But, the tide will turn, my friend. It always does.

You will find another emergency contact person. In the meantime, a close co worker or relative will do.

You will build your savings up again once this dust settles.

New friends will slowly come into your life and maybe even a few old ones will drift back.

And, as far as the kids go, it's true that you don't see them every day now. But, trust me, you will. When they get a bit older, learn to drive and really branch out with their own interests and hobbies, they will include you much more than her. I have a good friend who is remarried to her second husband. They got together when his kids were well into their teens. His kids did not live with their dad, but he saw them every single day until they went away to college. They all worked out together, ran together, fished together, what have you. He has continued to make the effort and sees how Important it is to just give them a ride when they need it or take them for a coffee. They return to him time and again and count on him like kids do when they have a strong, reliable dad. You are that dad, Pass and they know it.

So, while its all different now and the rebuilding process takes eons longer than the time it took for them to tear us down, it does happen. Never as quick as we want, but good changes show up and eventually, a whole new Pass with a whole new life will emerge.

You've come a long way and you'll go a lot farther.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2495 | Registered: Jan 2011
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This

YAY you Pass! It's so easy for us on the outside to see how truly amazing you are and what YOU have done for youself and your kids :).

... made me happy. Thank you for saying that.

And you're right, suckstobeme, all this stuff is temporary. I'll soldier through.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 10 and 13
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1344 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 9:04 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For fuck's sake, she's an arse!

When The Princess was coming to pick up the boys tonight, we were talking about some "parental stuff". While she was standing there talking to me, I guess she felt that her sweater was a little too short because she suddenly pulled at the bottom of her sweater, stretching it over her boobs. I kept looking her straight in the eye, and showed no reaction, as I continued speaking.

I'm sorry y'all, but that just reeks of desperation, doesn't it? "Look at these! Remember how you loved them!"

She is pathetic, and with each day I feel like I'm detaching more. This will probably make her try harder. Sigh.

I went for a nice, long walk later. I was feeling good, I was smiling, I was thinking about how much stronger I feel. I was also - for possibly the first time ever - thinking that I'm glad my suicide attempt failed.

Shit is good.

[This message edited by pass at 9:04 PM, September 8th (Sunday)]


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 10 and 13
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1344 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
fallingquickly
♀ Member
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 11:09 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You really have made wonderful progress, Pass.


Me-BW 50
Him-STBXWH

2 Ddays and lots of TT
divorcing

Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken


Posts: 452 | Registered: Aug 2012
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:16 AM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry y'all, but that just reeks of desperation, doesn't it? "Look at these! Remember how you loved them!"

Oh Good Grief!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8737 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 5:19 AM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

While its hard to see when you're in it and so close to it, I can assure you that everything this woman/child does reeks of desperation. Ev-er-y-thiing.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2495 | Registered: Jan 2011
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yay!

I'm sorry y'all, but that just reeks of desperation, doesn't it? "Look at these! Remember how you loved them!"

WTF is wrong with this woman? You wanted out, lady. So.Get.Out. Toodles!

My mental image of her is this bottle-blonde who wears those too short shorts with 'Juicy' on the bum who will soon look like the old suntan loving lady in "There's Something About Mary".

Reason #425367 why I'm happy to be a woman. There just isn't a male equivalent of this shit, is there?

Unless its when they start showing up dressing like punk rockers as a balding 41 trying to hide their Mr Burns skinny/fat body?


Sending all of the love and strength I can muster to Phoenix1 and her family.
"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."

Posts: 4507 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bottle brunette, tight t-shirts, short skirts, head constantly swivelling to look for attention.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 10 and 13
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1344 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
stronger08
♂ Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 3:24 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bro your only S for 6 months. How you feel is perfectly normal. Your in the anger stage and that's a good thing. Your next round of emotions should be acceptance. And once that comes your on the way to a better life. Pretty soon all those annoying things see does and her feeble attempts at getting attention wont matter. And it wont matter because you have accepted what has happened and frankly wont give a shit about what she does or says. My suggestion is to use the anger phase to your advantage in the D process. Anger can be a very motivating and useful emotion when going through a D. Like fire it has to be used wisely. KWIM ?


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5411 | Registered: Nov 2007
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

stronger08, I've been embracing the anger for a while. Believe it or not, the rants in this thread are the sound of me starting to feel short periods of indifference.

But I'm not sure how I'll ever be able to achieve total indifference to such a miserable, manipulative, immature twat (yep, still angry). Sure does sound nice though!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 10 and 13
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1344 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm just happy to now be in control of my own destiny.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 6989 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Topic Posts: 19

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