How many educated women and men here have never cheated in any way?
How many stay at home mom's and housewives have never cheated?
How many attorneys or nurses or folks on food stamps have never cheated? (really? In this day and age, with so many struggling...are we going to use that as an indicator of 'worth'?)
It would seem all that matters is boundaries...you've got them or you don't. You may have them now and not later or you may have never had a reason to even think about them until you are waist high in a moral dilemma or impending disaster.
Some people learn. Others go on to be repeat offenders and really seem to deserve nothing more than shunning (or worse) for the rest of their lives. And that, friends and neighbors, is why it matters not whether you are college educated with a silver spoon perched betwixed lips at birth or born in a barn.
Attempted OW 1- old hs friend, newly divorced, lost a bunch of weight and in newly found freedom heat.
Attempted OW 2- old gf who refused to screw him as a teen because he was 'too big' but regretted it years later. Se was in a lesbian relationship and they wanted him to father their child and then some...didnt happen but nice ego stroke to him I guess.
Very blurry lines in here...hard to explain but really screwy. Lots of people and bad juju.
OW 1- old friend who had always had the hots for him but she was too young and he didnt think of her like that. Years later, after hiring a PI to find him, she hooks up with him on fb. This story is complicated and blurry too.
She is something in television production in California. Lots of dollars. College educated.
OW 2- sad, old hs friend, single mom..very lonely. Don't know what she did. She really just needed her own stable family and love. She had no idea she was causing me any harm. I hold nothing against her.
OW 3- very wanting to spread her wings 21 yo married girl. Their relationship broke up her previously thought happy marriage.
No college, worked at same place as H as equals.
This situation was really the beginning of serious loss for me but this is because of him, not her. I understand and can identify with her and what happened. It's my H who is the lothario.
OW 4- his "platonic lesbian friend"
Frumpy, mousy old hs friend who always liked him.
Don't know about schooling or job.
OW 5- she's hard to say. She lied about everything. Like every word that came out of her mouth was a lie so I'm not sure the truth about what she did or didn't do but as far as I DO know: she may have had a little college or a lot. Some, I'm just not sure the truth of how much.
A lot according to her...she almost a nurse but I don't think that's true. She also worked as a project manager for a well known financial institution. When I met her, she was working for a cruise ship line selling vacations. She was fired from there for FMLA fraud.
When I kicked her disgusting, evil ass out of MY home, she had no job, no money, nothing.
She has two daughters. The eldest fights with being disgusted with her (even without knowing what her mother really does with her life) and her youngest is a minor who lives with her dad while mommy dearest has supervised visitations. Youngest literally cringes while her mother is around her. I didn't understand why but I do now.
Anyways, that's most of it. There's more but when you've lived a poly or swinger lifestyle, even reluctantly, some of the lines get extremely blurry.
The common theme is that all the women were really hurting and wanting so bad to a. Have what I had...a husband who dotes and glows with adoration for his wife.
Yes, it's true. Despite all my H's crap, I'm the goddess. He's never wanted to be without me and he's never, until recently, understoody why I would be hurt when I'm so above it all. It's ridiculous because I've been devastated but he wasn't getting it...and b. they needed a serious ego boost (in some cases, not all) and what better way to do that than to take the goddess's man who adores her so much, it literally radiates from his every pore? Right? Well...they've all done just that and I feel like a fool. Or lost. Or something. I no longer know.
I'm sorry, I cannot write a succinct post at all. I barely even talk in real life but here, all the emotion just comes out in a blathering explosion.
That about says it all!
**If I edit I'm correcting a typo!**
One pattern I see in this short list is the availability and close work/social relationship between many of them contributing to the A. I am old enough to remember the backlash when fire dept, police, and EMT dept added women to their rosters. The wives of the men were up in arms about a women living or riding with their husbands all day. Again, it all begins inside the person with boundaries and I now know they have to be discussed nearly every day for my peace of mind. I want my H to remember he does not have to be polite to everyone and some people need a quick, swift kick out the door.
I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.
[This message edited by Crumbled324 at 1:56 PM, September 12th (Thursday)]
Endeavor to Persevere
OW - teacher, cross-country coach, part-time pet groomer with a small kennel in her garage.
And a married mother of two until she and my H became engaged. Now she's a single mother of two.
[This message edited by sudra at 8:27 AM, September 13th (Friday)]
Married 27 years. Together 29.
3 children 24, 21, 14
OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC.
Simply put, an AP that knowingly engages in an affair with a M person is a:
selfish, dishonest, lying, arrogant, morally deficient, poor excuse for a human being.
As for the MOW my WH had an A with:
I do not know her so I will rely on what she told my WH her BS always called her:
[This message edited by RidingHealingRd at 12:11 AM, November 1st (Friday)]
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
two month affair with a supposed friend....more like a filthy whore
R.....it's going well (so far)
OW#2- EA/PA- RN student, 20yrs old, single
OW#3- EA/PA- Hospital desk worker, married mom
OW#4- EA/PA- Half house worker, single
They were all co-workers. I feel there were more that I don't know about.
Teacher (my coworker/friend)
Admin in manufacturing for a family business/ also "good" friend"
she stood up for me in place of my sponsor in church during my conversion and that act is the reason I that after I completed full communion I did not go back. I found out a few weeks after and could not go back. I stood up in front of the entire church with her hand on me...and this was almost a year after my Dday...so...I'm pretty sure I don't have to explain how that feels.
Bartender in a dive (an acquaintance)
Teacher aide (an acquaintance/my coworker)
Sales person for major mobile provider (fwh's coworker)