No question just want to share a story about a trigger turning into a source of comfort.
We are in the middle of A season with lots of bells going off around significant dates. 3 years since A started. Approaching 1 year since broken no contact, etc.
A big trigger is WH bberry. He carried 2 at the time of the A: personal and work. About 2 years ago, I helped him set up the personal one, after I upgraded my phone. It wasn't as easy as it should be, given where we live etc. well after he got the personal bberry, he was glued to it. He and AP set up bberry messenger, and that was their vehicle for sexting, photos, messages etc.
And d day happened via marriedOW sext that arrived while I was talking to family on Christmas on said phone.
So 20 months post d day, and we have let that phone die almost a year ago. It is sometimes a problem because there is a strict prohibition on personal use of work bberry. And there is work travel.
WH decides to get a new (not bberry) smart phone. He talks about it for a bit, but then promptly goes and does it. Without me feeling on board.
I am triggering over this piece of technology in his hands, over him fiddling with it when we are together, etc. i have no problem telling him this is a trigger, and why. But there is hope- he loads avocado (thanks Aubrie for mentioning this one), and even texts me.
Days later he has to travel internationally, as he does every month at least once for work. He has travel nightmares on arrival. But he sends me a photo with place and time in background. And he keeps texting me and using avocado. And being more available than he could be before, with photos to back it up.
And i feel so much safer and more reassured. On traveling spouse posts, people always talk about how much those things help. But I had really been old school- strict schedule, free time with people whom I know as well. And phone calls to landlines to establish place in a concrete way.
The phone is really helping me. And I have a feeling that it is helping him to feel more connected as well. It is tough territory for us- the whole A was a long distance thing with just 5 in person visits over its 16 months. So lots of phone, email, text, communications to keep up the A excitement. And while I have wanted to take back texting etc, strict work rules have kept that off limits. Will see where it goes from here.
Hope he continues to use it for good, not evil. D-day: Christmas 2011 when i saw a text from MarriedOW to WH
D-day 2: 3/28/2013: confessed phone sex over 10 years ago (2000 or 2001) with another OW
Married for over 14 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school