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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Really, really struggling
InTheRabbitHole
♀ Member
Member # 19319
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm in a city that I came to with xh. It is 3000 miles away from my family. Although I've been out here any years I'm finding that I am very, very lonely.

I'm starting to get back into things that interest me. Getting back into shape, but I've to a big hole in my heart right now.

The loneliness is becoming unbearable. I've had several short term relationships, both from online and meeting in real life and they never seem to work.

I'm frustrated, scared and wonder what the whole goddamned point is anyway.

I'm not looking at hurting myself but often wish I could just not wake up.

I can't believe I'm putting this out here. I should be doing so much better and all I am is a big fraud.

So sick of crying.


Posts: 198 | Registered: Apr 2008
kg201
♂ Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is it possible for you to move closer to your family?

Hugs

[This message edited by kg201 at 8:20 PM, September 8th (Sunday)]


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 375 | Registered: Aug 2013
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((InTheRabbitHole)))
I'm so sorry for the loneliness you are dealing with right now. I usually have advice, but right now I am also feeling a bit depressed and full of tears so I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone. This stuff is hard!

p.s. I feel like a fraud sometimes too. People think I've got it all together. Ha ha....joke's on them. Sometimes I feel all that is holding me together is a tiny little thread....

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. It is bound to get better!


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 14900 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
InTheRabbitHole
♀ Member
Member # 19319
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not possible to move right now. I'm stuck where I am as far as money goes.

I've never been this low. I need to talk to my therapist and doctor. All I can do is cry.

Big hugs right back at you (((NA))).


Posts: 198 | Registered: Apr 2008
Eranda
♀ Member
Member # 6010
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Who says you should be doing better? Don't put pressure on yourself to do or be something you're not. Sometimes you just have to be where you are for a while.

As far as loneliness... relationships aren't the only way to cure that. Friendships work pretty well, too.

I don't know what the whole goddamned point is either, you're not alone.


My Blog: http://allofthewaystohell.com/

Posts: 4207 | Registered: Dec 2004 | From: eastern PA
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

p.s. I feel like a fraud sometimes too. People think I've got it all together. Ha ha....joke's on them. Sometimes I feel all that is holding me together is a tiny little thread...

I feel like this at times too - big ((Hugs)) to you NA and ITRH.

Just keep swimming my friends - I tell myself that often.


Me: BW-43
Him: XWH-43
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4160 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
mandan66
♂ Member
Member # 40075
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((RH and others)))
I'm with you on this one---I definitely had a rough weekend. I was cleaning out old photos and photo albums yesterday, and it really hit me. Since I filed in May, not a tear has been shed on my part towards my stbxw; I had used them all up by then. My father, who is terminal now with cancer, and whom I am pretty close with, is really spiraling down. It happened really fast with him too, just in the last year. Anyway, saw some old pictures of him with me and the X and our oldest son, and wow---it just hit me. Life just really really sucks sometimes. You just can't take any damn thing for granted.
Except for Xanax, and friends on SI.


Me: 47; WW: 48
2 DS: 9, 14
M:18--T:19
DDay: Jan/13
Divorced and Done!--7/13

Posts: 121 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: KS
click4it
♀ Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 12:25 AM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((rabbit)))

Glad you are going to talk to your therapist and doctor. That's a GREAT step in the depression department especially when you are feeling like you just don't "want to wake up".

Do you have any friends in your area at all?


Me: 41
Two boys: 16 and 13
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25502 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
Harriet
♀ Member
Member # 34543
Default  Posted: 2:19 AM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was feeling exactly the same emotions...terrible lonliness, tired of it all, and wishing it would somehow all just end (even if it meant death). I realized I needed to be proactive about it. I started seeing a therapist again and forced myself to get outside the house. I reached out to friends even though I was afraid they would just think I should be "over it" by now. They didn't, and with time I find myself in a better place each day. I was able to tell myself that my feelings were okay to have even if they were painful, that I was too hard on myself when I felt down, and I would feel better in time. And it was true. So hang in there. I'm not in a perfect place, but the despair is gone, and the happiness is returning.

It also helps that I just learned that my ex has had a tough year (he never let it show) and he regrets the cheating and divorce. I don't know why that helps, but it does! My ultimate goal is to feel indifference. Even empathy, if I can move past all of the ways he hurt me.


D-Day Spring 2008
Divorce Final 6/7/12

Posts: 275 | Registered: Jan 2012
damncutekitty
♀ Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I should be doing so much better

I am convinced that the worst thing any of us can for for ourselves is attach the word "should" to our healing.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49406 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
Mapleleaf4ever
♂ New Member
Member # 37090
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DMC,
I think that I am guilty of making that mistake. I have often thought that I "should" be much farther ahead in healing than what I am. Thanks for that.

Posts: 23 | Registered: Oct 2012
stronger08
♂ Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DCK is sooo right. I hate the word "Should" when dealing with my life. There is no expiration date stamped on our ass as to when we will find love. Or any other life goal for that matter.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5410 | Registered: Nov 2007
InTheRabbitHole
♀ Member
Member # 19319
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Much better today. However still feeling pretty shitty.

I'm trying to remember a quote I read when I fall in to that pit.

"There are far better things that lay ahead than those left behind".


Posts: 198 | Registered: Apr 2008
Topic Posts: 13

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