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Newest Member: mangorum (44677)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Stringing me along...
ccw82
♀ Member
Member # 40133
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH and I were talking tonight and discovered that he's been stringing me along for the entire relationship (right up until DDay). Basically he didn't really *want* me, but didn't have any other women banging down his door, so he says he just "went through the motions" and 6 1/2 years later, here we are...a marriage, home, and two kids later!

He's been in denial over the whole thing but is finally opening up and realizing these things. He told me that NOW (since DDay) he really wants me, but I'm like, "WTF? You've been telling me all along that you want me, and I believed you! Now you want me to continue believing you and just *hope* that you're telling me the truth this time?!?"

He says he's trying to change his behaviors. I told him that if I was atheist, but was attending church every Sunday, does that mean I'm a Christian? He said no, it doesn't change your core belief system. I replied that I believe that's what's happening now...that he's trying to fake his way through it again, which will set us up for a future disaster.

What would you guys do with this information?


Me: 31
WH (1DumbHusband): 35
Married 5 years, together 7 years.
D-Day: June 17th, 2013
TTs that came out as late as January 2014

"One is not tempted by that he does not want."


Posts: 136 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Dallas, TX
roccodom
♀ Member
Member # 19714
Default  Posted: 11:42 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm gently going to say this to you because you need to be hugged.

But...

he's been stringing me along for the entire relationship (right up until DDay). Basically he didn't really *want* me, but didn't have any other women banging down his door, so he says he just "went through the motions"

is the biggest load of bullshit. My FWS said the same thing to me. Oh - he very well may have convinced himself that he believed that to justify his behavior - but it's bullshit.

He's weaving a story (he just doesn't know it).


BS - me (45) WS - him (45)
married 16 yrs (DS 11yrs, DD 9yrs)
#1 PA - DDay 12/97
#2 PA DDay 5/08
#3 PA DDay 2/12
Trying R
Buddhism teaches that a craving for things outside ourselves causes an unhappy and pointless search for security.


Posts: 791 | Registered: May 2008 | From: MO
roccodom
♀ Member
Member # 19714
Default  Posted: 11:47 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ok... I just read your profile.

He is an expert at shrinking your self esteem.

he's been looking for that same standard of attractiveness in a woman

^^^^^^^ WTF is that. What an asshat.

Stop trying to understand him. I did that. It's just a ploy. You are probably the ever-understanding person. STOP - stick up for yourself. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! Do not let him insinuate that any part of this is about you.

It isn't

It about their selfish, narcissistic hole.

Please decide what your minimum standards are and don't budge - don't understand - don't "let it slide". They sense it. They know it....and they just find away to slide under doing all the work.

Hugs!


BS - me (45) WS - him (45)
married 16 yrs (DS 11yrs, DD 9yrs)
#1 PA - DDay 12/97
#2 PA DDay 5/08
#3 PA DDay 2/12
Trying R
Buddhism teaches that a craving for things outside ourselves causes an unhappy and pointless search for security.


Posts: 791 | Registered: May 2008 | From: MO
Teardrop29
♀ New Member
Member # 40297
Default  Posted: 1:32 AM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm extending big hugs to you...

You and I are on the same boat with our WH's affairs, but that comment from him is so destructive. I understand he's being open, but how does he expect you to recover from that blow?

What standard is he talking about when his behaviour will never even remotely meet the standard you have for a husband. He's lucky to have you. You're there for him for support, continued faithfulness despite all the hurt, and lastly you're giving him the gift of a second chance. What more can he ask for?

Stay strong!


BS: me (29)
WH: 37
Together 4 yrs, Married 3 years
2 children: DS 2yrs/ DD 3mos

Posts: 15 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 4

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