Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: doihavechoice (44727)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Hey kids- here is your new 2nd room! Creepy?
sleepless34
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 11:37 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I had a crap of a weekend. The kids were out of school Th and Fr, so makes for a longggg weekend.

I thought we made some progress at the Divorce Therapist last Thursday. We were working on a plan to tell the kids about the permanence of the situation, seeing as Daddy hasn't lived here now for 35 days. HE has an apt but they haven't been there yet, because we haven't had the talk yet.

He just dropped the bomb last month of his decision to leave me for some crazy old bitch he met in a sex chat room 16 months ago. I still hardly know what hit me! I had no idea.

He is pushing pushing pushing to get into a more regular parenting schedule. Pushing to tell the kids about this apartment so he can start taking them there.

We agreed I would go see it. He was an ass to me about it and said I could only come in to see if it was safe and secure and stay for 5 minutes. I went to see it and he has all new furniture, and has their bedroom all set up and decorated with stuffed animals and their initials up on the wall, coloring books, hair accessories, nail polish, and night gowns on hanging in the closet.

I was so creeped out. I thought he would show them the apartment and say, oh and this room we can make your room if you ever want to stay, when you are ready, and we can even decorate it.

Am I crazy or is that WAY TOO MUCH??? My kids had no idea, nor did I, that Daddy was unhappy and we were all shocked when he wanted to leave. Now, one month out he wants to introduce them to the world of two households- and everything is "all set." I think they will freak out. He disagrees- OF COURSE-

aren't you supposed to ease kids into that....


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:41 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is freaky that it's already decorated, accessorized and he has nightgowns hanging up. Is he normally a fashionista decorator kind of guy?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9532 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
sleepless34
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 11:51 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, not usually. I think his chat room whore probably helped.

I think it is way too much too soon and that the kids would freak out.


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:58 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome to the fucked-up nightmare of not being able to protect your kids from the fucked-up decisions your STBX makes.

This will be totally wonderful. For HIM. You? Not so much. He'll see happy, shiny kids who playplayplay and smile and quickly figure out how to do the everything-is-great act. You'll get kids with ten million questions that start out with WHY????????????

I hate that my STBX tries to show me up & outdo me at EVERY opportunity. Sounds like yours is going to play the same game with you.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9532 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 4:23 AM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TBH I could not have gone into his home.

Very gently, it seems to me that you are trying to hold back the tidal wave of change. This will cause you and your kids further harm in the long run.

There is nothing you can do to make this 'normal' for your kids except pretend that it is normal until it does become normal to you.

I hated pretending to be all excited about their two homes. I HATED being a cheerleader for the decimation of my intact family. But I did it. Because my girls need for me to be OK with the seismic change in their lives. I wasn't OK but I faked it till I made it. I'm OK with it now. It is our new 'normal' and my little family of 3 is more intact than it ever was with that poor excuse of a 4th person.

((sleepless34)) I don't know how you did it. I would have thrown up. Especially 35 days in. Please stop hurting yourself like this. Tell your kids in an age appropriate manner and start moving forward.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5535 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
million pieces
♀ Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 5:57 AM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is nothing you can do to make this 'normal' for your kids except pretend that it is normal until it does become normal to you.

I hated pretending to be all excited about their two homes. I HATED being a cheerleader for the decimation of my intact family. But I did it. Because my girls need for me to be OK with the seismic change in their lives. I wasn't OK but I faked it till I made it. I'm OK with it now. It is our new 'normal' and my little family of 3 is more intact than it ever was with that poor excuse of a 4th person.

Totally agree. It completely sucks, but this is what you have to do. My timeline was very similar to yours. Found out he had a 6mon + relationship with a waitress at a local dive bar (he told me) and within a month he was out and had an apartment. Checking out his apartment to see if it was adequate was probably the hardest thing I did. My IC gave me a giant pep talk and a girlfriend drove me over. SUCKED. And showing me his apartment was probably the last cooperative parenting thing he did.


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1241 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
damncutekitty
♀ Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WEll he passed up a golden opportunity to get the kids excited about his new place by letting them pick things out. I agree that his skank probably did the decorating. My guess is she was so excited to play disney stepmommy that she didn't bother to ask herself if maybe the kids wanted to choose their own things.

At the very least, it's nice that they will have own room with their own things when they go to their dads. Too many kids are made to feel like unwelcome houseguests.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49468 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
ninebark
♀ Member
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

At least he has made the attempt to show them they have a place in his life and their own rooms.

My ex lives with his gf in their ONE bedroom apartment, if he wants DS overnight he has to stay at his parents. Ugh


BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah STBXWW built her new house and it's almost ready. The kids will be decorating their rooms next week during her time with them. I will be fighting a severe urge to scream fuck you and your house the next time I am over there. I don't plan on ever stepping foot in the house. I hope she has fun with those mortgage payments.

So yeah I get it sleepless34, my kids room is in MY house, the house they grew up in, not STBX's brand new debt palace.

As for reactions, I pretty much listen to my kids, they are excited, it's "new" and that's fine. I don't let my issues sway them one way or the other. They can have all the shiny new stuff at Mom's house and i will keep being the steady dependable one.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
D hopefully official any day now, off to check the mail again.

Posts: 1899 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
brokenandconfuse
♀ Member
Member # 39381
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is preparing for D in my opinion. He will go for full custody


2DS, 2DD
BS-Me 32
WH-Him 43
DDay-All 14 years of our relationship. 3PA's, 3 one night stands, and 6 EA's and still counting as we go. Gained enough strength to face it 11/2012

Getting Divorced


Posts: 101 | Registered: May 2013 | From: United States
sleepless34
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I spoke with my lawyer this am about it. I really think this desire to start establishing two households and start "co-parenting" is just part of a strategy for him. He didn't really "co-parent" when he was here...so he is probably being told to start getting it establish and set precedent for future custody decisions later.

I know what is best for my kids, and I know they are not ready for that yet. They can go over there, visit, whatever. But, 50/50 schedule is not happening. Not now, not ever. They live in my house, this is their stability, where their friends are....that is a small apartment they can visit every other weekend.


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
sudra
♀ Member
Member # 30143
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, he could have done it better, but when my husband was planning to move out, he rented a ONE bedroom apartment.

Yea, how do you explain to your teenage son that he can visit dad anytime so long as he sleeps on the couch. Sick, if you ask me. So glad WH didn't actually follow through on leaving... for this reason alone.

It's hard to watch the damage they do and not be able to stop it from hurting the kids.


Me (BW) (54), Him(SAWH) (57)
Married 21 years, 1 son (19), 1 stepdaughter (27)
DDay #1 January 2004
DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)
Working on R

Posts: 1457 | Registered: Nov 2010
Topic Posts: 12

Return to Forum: Divorce/Separation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.