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User Topic: "Sex with AP was awful"
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Then I got him back with ED. That is a whole other story of self esteem crush.

Yeah WTF is up with this? This is how I got mine back too


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cheaters lie so much that nothing can be taken at face value.

My ex-dipshit claimed she was a bigger gal and he just wasn't that into her.

Hey, I was born on a Tuesday, but not this past Tuesday. But at least he didn't dare try to give me that ridiculous, over-used crap about how he 'threw up' when he was done, or how he couldn't get an erection, or how he couldn't go through with it once they were both naked, and blah blah blah. I have to admit, I roll my eyes to the sky every time I hear about yet another cheating husband getting caught and trying to get his betrayed wife to believe that type of nonsense. Maybe it does happen every blue moon, but not nearly as much as they'd like us to believe.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1819 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I believe some may have been awful but I think most were not or they would not be continuing with the A. I'm at the point where I don't care anymore if it was good or bad. I could analyze it to death and it would do ME no good. I know my WH thinks I'm great in the sack and I know he is too, with the exception of the ED he brought home after the A.

When I was a WS the build-up to the sex was better than the actual sex. Sex with my xAP was not good at all.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah WTF is up with this? This is how I got mine back too ..

It was probably due to his OW's crotch rot. I hope the doctor gave him a huge, painful needle to clear it up.



[This message edited by NeverAgain2013 at 12:59 PM, September 9th (Monday)]


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1819 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was probably due to his OW's crotch rot.

LOL I needed that today!


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
MissesJai
♀ Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wayward here - it sucked. But, I didn't go back for the sex. He knew how to spit game and that's what I was after - the sex was a form of currency.


FWW - 41
"Don't think first about the risks of speaking up. Think first about the risks of not speaking up." ~ Kerry Patterson

Posts: 5980 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
JustDesserts
♂ Member
Member # 39665
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for all your replies. I wonder if any wayward souses would like to chime in.

I think it's accepted that wayward spouses often minimize and downplay information. Is this one of those situations where that happens a lot?

WH here. My BW wanted and got details early on. I gave them, straight up.

Different. New relationship energy fueled. Ego kibble fueled. Secrecy/naughty shared secret fueled. xAP (40's) was surprisingly inexperienced, and not too adept or creative at sex/lovemaking. Great for me as I lead the way, was "Mr. Stud/Experience", and she was my receptacle/blow up doll.

Awful? No. Stellar? No. Did we both climax every time? Yes. Did it feel good? Yes. Was my ego on fire due to being a "God" in the sack to xAP? Yes. Is that just pathetic? Yes.

Do I prefer sex with my wife? Yes. She is more attractive, sexy, creative, experienced, uninhibited, and mentally sensual and sexual than xAP, by a quantum factor.

I know...wtf was I thinking?


2 year EA/PA. DDay 3/12. Broke NC 6/13 w/one stupid 5 line e-mail (which brought me to SI). Me: WH, 50. Her: BW, 49. Married 19 years. Two kids. Dog. Reconciling...together.

Posts: 403 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Suburbia, New England, USA
Fire96
♂ Member
Member # 34131
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I keep thinking of the quote from Benjamin Franklin;

"There's no such thing as a good war, nor a bad piece (peace)."

Kidding aside, if it was that bad, they wouldn't have climaxed, gone back for seconds, or risked their families and reputations.


Me, BS-54
WW-49
DD, 1/9/2011

Posts: 179 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Texas
tryinginmi
♀ Member
Member # 29358
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH said it was bad. He claimed 2 BJ's and that he never got off. Said he could not even get it up the second time. I truly don't know what to believe. Truthfully he is the type to just tell me what he thinks I want to hear.


Me - BW 40
Him - FWH 39
Her - MOW 47 Fat Assed Toothless Man Faced Whore!!!

DD#1 July 28, 2010 Admitted to EA. A went underground.
DD#2 August 19,2010 Admitted PA


Posts: 1005 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Michigan
hopingforhappy
♀ Member
Member # 29288
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

JustDesserts, thank you for your post. If I had to guess (and I sort of do, because my FWH has told me some things, but not everything about sexual details), I would say that this is exactly how my FWH felt about sex with OW. I am going to share your comments with him to see what he has to say. I can deal with that response--it makes sense to me.


Me--BW (56)
Him--FWH (53)--5yr. LTA--OW probably BPD
Married 20 years
DS-18, DD-15
Reconciling--but boy is it hard!

Posts: 1334 | Registered: Aug 2010
crestfallen
♀ Member
Member # 27993
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine said it was very mechanical, but loved the secrecy more than the sex! He got off on sneaking. He says if it was so great, he'd still be there!

Who knows, they're all liars, so whatever! He also said that the shopping excursions were for payment of services....because she said, " that's the way this works!"


BS-me-57
WH-57
Married 32 years
OW-Mr. Ed ish! Seriously!
DDAY- 2/21/09
TT until 1/10/10
Working on R and doing well!!

Posts: 179 | Registered: Mar 2010
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is no winning this one. Much like "is the affair partner better/worse looking." Either way, it sucks.

If the sex really was better, great. Knife to the heart.

If the sex was worse. Really? You ripped my guts out for bad sex? Thanksosmuch.

If it was the same. Ok. You destroyed our life for more of the same?

There is no good outcome. It just is.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6549 | Registered: Jan 2011
Skye
Member
Member # 325
Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do have to add that I really didn't care whether the sex was good or not. He felt the need (relief) to tell me way more than I ever cared about.

I suspect many things are not good with an AP, but if you've invested losing your wife, children, etc., you better try to make it worthwhile.


Posts: 5629 | Registered: Jul 2002
SecondHelping
♂ Member
Member # 36796
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm told is wasn't any good and she didn't even finish.

However, she told him he was amazing. Don't get it.


D-Day 1: Feb 1990
D-Day 2: 3 Sep 2012 (3 month EA/3 week PA)
BS 49, fWW 43 (Amibroken)
OP- Police Chief (Age 37)
M 25 Yrs, 3 Kids (17, 14, 11)
I initated the relationship at the Railway Tavern, she tried to end it at Scrap Tavern

Posts: 490 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Delmarva
Whalers11
♀ Member
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 5:22 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't even have to ask...my ex told me how good it was.


Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2260 | Registered: Feb 2010
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As a man I should inform you ladies that GENERALLY SPEAKING from a mans POV all sex is good. If we are having sex then its good. Sometimes sex is great. But NEVER is sex awful.

If for our WS the sex was *awful* then why would they ever go back for more?

I think that the amount of pleasure we (men and women) get from sex has allot to do with our self. What is going on in our mind at the time. How our partner makes us feel about our self. If our partner is demonstrative and obviously enjoying the sex then we feel better about our self and then enjoy the sex more.

So I think that in a affair the riskiness of it all adds to the excitement. Emotions and all the rest of it is running high. And so the sex will seem really good.

Just a theory though. YMMV.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
Friedrich Nietzsche


Posts: 3483 | Registered: Sep 2007
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 6:55 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wxh and the MOW both told me at different times that he couldn't stay hard.

I find that hard to believe, because when he was with me, you could pound nails with that thing.

Whatever. He kept going back -that was enough for me.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7773 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Bee2011
♀ Member
Member # 33209
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine told me it was "different".

Of course it was different. I was pregnant throughout the entire affair and she wasn't.

Oh, and I've had "different", too, in my day. Chew on that.

[This message edited by Bee2011 at 7:48 PM, September 9th (Monday)]


Insert glib quote here.

Reconciling.


Posts: 69 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: The Hard Road
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband said it was different, not bad, but monotonous. He was thre to get off and he did. He went back because they were easy, it was better than masturbation of course because it was a person. Who wouldn't enjoy that?

Sex with me us better because of what we've built over our years together. I know him in ways they never did. We please each other.

I know he enjoyed the sex, the newness, secrecy, the ego strokes. His shame now however proves it was never worth it.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
RidingHealingRd
♀ Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, he liked it so much he continued to go back for more.

It is probably one of the few things he did NOT lie about during those early days after dday.

This question is much like:

Does a WS love their W while engaged in an A?
IMO: No, that's just not possible.


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 4 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2123 | Registered: Nov 2011
Topic Posts: 93
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